and by "WE" i of course mean "ME"...by some grrrrrrranimal popo of Gretna, Nebraska...all cuz of some uncontrollable northwesterly wind...blow'n in from the east...that my chauffeur'n brother barely had control of...
and HEEEEEY...i just remembered...i never got to receive my complimentary strip search...DAMMIT!
and now...pt. 2 to NEW MEXICOMA
so after gett'n my beautiful burgundy...crushed velvet...full length Laura Ashley influenced road trip gown...pattern #69 from the McCall's Butterick summer collection of 69...with a mormon laced neck aplicae...sewn delicately together by a lovely blind mongolian parishioner from my church of "OUR LADY OF DEBAUCHEROUS INCLINATIONS"
completely crushed over my much earned but very unused road side strip search...(and you know how hard it is to get wrinkles outta crushed velvet...don'tcha kittens) i decided to catch a few more winks before we hit our next deplorably disdained destination
captain's blog...05:02 in the am hours...location: York, Nebraska
as we pulled into some off ramp PDQ petro station to refuel...lemme tell ya...i was ready to get off...my A double snakes and get the blood flow'n (as it were)...cuz it felt like my subtle and very suppley plump A double snakes had been sleep'n fer practically 100 years
well...lemme tell ya...there ain't nutt'n new about this town unfortunately (and that isn't a Freudian slip)...from the looks of it
everyone on Scruff was fast asleep...in a proper popper induced coma no doubt...so FYI...we skedaddled outta this PDQ ASAP...but at least i got to change positions with DAH MAN and drift off into another animalistically induced fornicational world
captain's blog...08:30 in the am hours...location: Norton, Kansas
jezus christ on a flakey graham cracker crust TOTO...
i can't believe we're still in fuck'n Kansas!
just from the few momentary looks around before i would drift back off into my deliciously induced redbull coma...apparently...it's not a necessity to own all yer own teeth in this town...but an absolute luxury
captain's blog...10:51 sunny and isolated...location: Winona, Kansas
they say you can never go home...but there we were...
in some sorta uninhabitable negative reality inversion of our hometown
(of the same name at least)...
(of the same name at least)...
on the main strip...in beautifully dilapidated downtown Winona, Kansas...how could you not be mesmerized by the rustically intricate sidewalk design that took years of plann'n by the president of the local city council (and obviously oblivious locally grown intoxicated queen)...while gaze'n in amazement at the charm'n view of the plentifully bare store fronts that were scream'n out "welcome home town residents and nosy tourists...take yer perversely lame distorted Annie Leibovitz unpresentational selfie & get the fuck out...we're closed!"
CHICO and DAH MAN were forced at redbull point to capture this kodak moment fer my amusement...but it's quite lovely...and it really captures the moment we were all in...at that moment really...
(it's a portrait Norman Rockwell fergot to paint...someone's son...almost home again...in oils!)
men...make sure to make a pit stop at the local colonic clinic...where you'll find you can still tear up the town...as you tear open his (or hers...if you go "that way") sheer silk chiffon edwardian gossamer petticoat...fer a lil inexpensive and completely responsible fun on a friday nite
i...fer one...was glad to see that the city council had decided to properly label and color code their build'ns fer us pass'n tourists...
as not to be confused with the other beautiful landmarks this town had to offer (which could really explain the low population numbers)...but don't you have a whole new appreciation fer pastel salmon color'n?
and just like our current assministration...this city truly was run down...so it was time to get our A double snakes outta town and outta this state...before we all would end up outta our mind!
captain's blog...13:45 hrs..location: Kit Carson, Colorado
a foreign country to any and all emotions i had left in my fresh...nubile body...it was humid and hot...and i was ready to cash in my sanity just fer a sip of some adult refreshments
why in the H-E-double hockey stix haven't the lil kittens of this lil shit hole town...i'm mean this quaint lil shithole of a town...opened up their roadside teeny tiny martini stand fer us travelers yet?
it's already past noon fer Agetha Christie sakes!
but we made the best of it while stretch'n our limbs and molest'n the towns train fer pure posterity purposes fer the future clans...of course this was the most color we could find in this Cher fersaken'n shithole...i mean...this uninhabitable shithole of a town
as we stepped of the train and scanned our surround'ns...it was like we
we found the local museum...AND...alot more...
of course leave to me to find my new best friend...fer the next 15 minutes anyways...THE TOWN HOE...why not!
i was shocked there was still one in existence...but we came across the last infamous mutant tank tractor from the Great Irrigation War of 1869
20 minutes in and i was soak'n up nothing worth salvage'n from this stop so we had had our fill of this destination...and like a any good hooker in heat...it was time to move onto our next destination
tune in next week fer the excruciate'n concussion of NEW MEXICOMA
now get off my dress!
now get off my dress!
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