GAME OVER!

have you?...wait i mean...would you?...no wait!...could you ever watch

the remake of PYSCHO and not say to yerself...

WHAT THE FUCK is with this pile of refried shit on bisexual bread all about anyways?

i mean...i totally get the whole try'na come'n up with an interest'n plot to be

in the runn'n fer a hollyweird oscar that will try and captivate the audience fer more than 30 seconds before they try to discretely log into their pornhub account with their earplugs in to watch the latest ball bust'n dick flick while they try and shove their science project sausage thru the bottom of the popcorn bucket so their date can jack them off...seriously though...let's face it...even that role plays been over played...

nothin's original anymore!

so we all remember that twisted time back in 2017 when i acquired my 

very 1st official stalker as thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...on whatever app i was on at the time...and oh what a proud day THAT was...

i knew i had FINALLY made it after all as someone's personal life alter'n love slave...that fortunately i had quickly defused before i would end up as some sordid lifetime movie of the week...

played by the age'n beautifully...Meridith Baxter Birney!

so there i was on break from paint'n the shutters on my neice's and my

fav-o-rit dream home...at some meth riddled under priviledged park in Oakdale, MN...when i decided to log online and chatter away with some of the locals in the area to get a recipe fer somethin' that would freeze beautifully fer the church's annual anti social social gather'n that weekend

 BUTT unfortunately...

to be quiet honest...my batt'n average was batt'n below average hits from 

anyone within a 10 trailer radius that actaully owned a full set of choppers that didn't cook anything besides blue ice...ya know what i mean?

then all of a sudden...a not so white knight popped up on my screen

so i thought i'd indulge in a lil friendly convo...why not!...he owned all his own teeth after all

break would end and soon enough it was time to get back to Pablo 

Picasso'n the shutters on my neices trailer...a mere 4 hours later and 3 back tranquilizers...cuz i was walk'n like a himaylan shot putter...i was wrapp'n up my day and headed back to my shit box in the Minne-Apple when i recieved a message from my potential freezes beautifully anti-social socializer

by the time i had returned home that even'n...i stripped outta my striped

culottes...lathered my face with a generous supply of St Ive's mint julip mud mask to help rejuvenate my soft yet supple skin and continued on with a mini marathon of season 2 from my new fav-o-rit drug on Netflix before count'n sheep that even'n

by morn'n it was time to rinse and repeat it all over again in Oakdale...

Toulouse Letrec’n my A-double snakes under the hot midwestern sun...dressed like a tusken raider from Tucsan as not to sizzle my creamy white flesh cuz i just can’t afford the age spots

night fall would eventually come...since i wasn't...so i decided to log online

while watch'n another mini marathon of DEAD TO ME and check my mail...turns out GAMEOVER had left me a mini message...awwww...wasn’t that “Nice”?

at that very moment i had just cracked open my fortune cookie that read somethin' like "he with little response...is just as little as every where else" & unfortunately he wasn't quite finished feed'n me with his setiment... 

hmmm...

did i miss somethin?

at first i was like...well...maybe he's just try'na psyche me out or somethin' cuz i can take it as much as i can give it at times...then outta no where...

i didn't know whether to fry him up a back hand sammich or...

consult my balls fer answers?

 all i knew was...AVA MAX would be the theme to our now unfortunate anthem i would only remember him by

normally at this point i'da just called out the spirits and block his sorry

dilapidated ass...but i seriously had no clue where his birage of bullshit came from...plus i wanted that "freezes beautifully" recipe...i thought...you know what...this could'a been THE ONE that maybe someday we would buy a trailer park of our very own 

and adopted a few miniature mongolian warthogs of our very own 
(well cuz i had my tubes tied since i was unable to bare any of my very own)

needless to say...after smooth'n out the corns on my very petite feet and

remove'n my soul...along with my mud mask...i slipped into my Holly Hobby even'n gown...pulled the curlers outta my basement bush and figered this GAME was truly OVER before it ever had a chance to begin...eh...i'll survive...now GET OFF MY DRESS!

1...2...cha-cha-cha

with the last of the faggotry festivities finally come'n to a close this week

i thought i'd give you some of my most spiritually influential toe tapp’n tunes to help you slip into those

slinky pair of culottes you made from that buttermilk pattern #45 you finally bought off those annoy’n retro instagram ads & that tacky halter top you “inherited” from yer boyfriend’s wife that you’ve been bedazzle’n all month just so you can shake a tail feather faster than yer last walk of shame...as yer gett'n ready fer that special 69...before yer 86'd by the income'n traffic

so kick back...powder that puss puss and toss yer troubles out the door while listen'n as i count down my fav-o-rit top 20 titty twisters fer PRIDE

come'n in @ #20 was the tune that set the room on fire fer me AND

became the prequel anthem (if you will) that made this unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of her own universe sashay & shante' away...when i 1st seen it appear on the video screens @ the SALOON in the Minne-Apple back in '93...with RUPAUL's  "SUPERMODEL"

#19 was thee very 1st number ever suggested to me by my dearest friend 

 (and staple fag hag) PEETRINELLA...that i would ever perform on my very 1st nite on stage @ the GAY 90's in '95...which was ANN MARGRET's "13 MEN & ME"...you can only imagine what 13 men at once will do to a plump A-double snakes like mine...i mean yers...(well...you don't have to once you've reached the 1:48 moment in the video...ps...don't say i didn't warn ya)

#18 belongs to the purrrrrrfect prowl'n puss in boots...1950's would'a never

been the same without the sassy and sauciness of the american sing'n activist style'ns of one miss EARTHA KITT...prove'n that she was nothing more than just an "OLD FASHIONED GIRL"

#17 comes from the most famous blonde in history...who started the whole

damn fan snapp'n crazy nearly 50+ years ago...MARILYN MONROE gave a voice to and made it socially acceptable fer ALL those gold digg'n twinks...twunks and anyone in a financial funk...to hunt fer the highest pay'n sugga daddy to dole out the dolla bills when needed...with her hit "DIAMONDS ARE A GIRLS BEST FRIEND"

#16 has been compared to the likes of Etta James Tina Turner and even

Janis Jopin...lead singer BETH DITTO of the indy band GOSSIP from Olympia WA...made their mark on the music scene since 1999...and though they last recorded together in 2012 with the release of "A JOYFUL NOISE"...their song "MEN IN LOVE" stands out as the best "i do" finale to find'n that absolute anal adonis as yer date on the dance floor before the lights come up...and he goes down...ON YOU!

#15 is fer all of those want'n a taste of the wild side...who would rather

 taste a lil bit of S&M...instead of taste'n plain ol' M&M sex...KIM PETRAS gives you a taste of the wild side with her dark  and lusty duet with none other than the Mistress of the Dark ELVIRA with her in the dark hit "TURN OFF THE LIGHT"

#14 belongs to the psychedelic princess who was a dance floor staple of 

every dance club from coast to coast date'n back to the 1990's...who asked us how do you spell deee-groovy...deee-gorgeous..and how do you spell DEEE-LITE...with their club anthem "GROOVE IS IN THE HEART"

#13 is fer all those granola chomp'n birkenstock'n non-lipstick'n beauties

that just wanna chill out to an open fire with a bottle of chilled chardonnay after a rough day at the home depot...INDIGO GIRLS lezbitronic love song "CLOSER TO FINE" is a great strummer fer those that like to hummer (hey...don't bite my head off just cuz they apparently don't have enuff benjamins fer a gif account)

#12 comes from the dynamic british duo from across the pond known as 

the EURYTHMICS...who penned the paranoid hit fer all those insecurities within us all...with their 1983 hit "WHO'S THAT GIRL?" 

#11 though not so much of a toe tapper as much as an eye-opener fer  

those within the marginalized community that have faced more than they should thru-out their ostracized life...the 80's most famous gender bender hit the mark with his poignant heart felt song...written by the one and only BOY GEORGE..."SHE WAS NEVER HE"...is the 1st anthem i've ever heard that shed a dimly lit light on the plight of the trans community

#10 comes from the girl who just wanted to have fun ever since the 80's

bein' one of the most outspoken and biggest allies fer the gay community since the beginn'n of her career CYNDI LAUPER's hit "SHINE" is a great tear jerk'n dance tune to help give you the strength you need to get you thru the roughest of times no matter how bad they seem

#9 will put you in a time warp back to when disco & dudes in shorty shorts

& their equally horned-up co-horts...were all the rage on the dance floor...one hit of poppers and you were ready to take the train to brown town...& even if DONNA SUMMER denounced them years later (allegedly thanx to her CASPER crusade'n career) "HOT STUFF" remains a true boner-fide ride regardless

#8 has to be the loudest mouth in comedy that is more than just a comic

but also an outspoken...politically in yer face...right on sista song birdie who will funk you up...SANDRA BERNHARD's no holds barred hit "DO YOU WANNA FUNK?" doesn't funk around at all and tells you exactly what's gonna happen if you put yer finger in the funk

#7 though gone...he has left his imprint and impression on the music world

that will never be forgotten...i even experienced a missed opportunity to actually climb aboard...his bus (& who knows...maybe even him) after his FAITH tour @ the St Paul Civic Center in MN in '89 (true story) GEORGE MICHEAL  made lite of his "sticky situation" from years earlier with some cheeky fun fer all those pervie bathroom headhunters with his snappy unapologetic smash hit "OUTSIDE"

#6 before any of the RUtards...there was one of the filthiest queens on the

 planet that was in yer face like a bucket of mace...DIVINE was a hefty happy meal in heels and her trashy disco hit "YOU THINK YOU'RE A  MAN" made you take a seat if you couldn't handle her meat

#5 as one of the many androgynous wonders of the world in the 1980's

lead singer PETE BURNS from the british band DEAD OR ALIVE may have left this planet fer the time bein'...but not before record'n his walk of shame hit "BRAND NEW LOVER" say'n it was A-OK fer those dissatisfied dick wranglers to keep on look'n fer the perfect throat plunger

#4 with soo many smash diddies to chose from...i'm gonna have to go with

CHER's roller skate'n hit single from her 16th studio album in 1979 "HELL ON WHEELS" as thee perfect back hand sammich to yer face if you try and fuck with me on the dance floor

#3 we've all had those fag hags that think they're yer new true best friend

to help you pick out that perfect prick that's not gonna be a dick...but read the warn'n signs between their lines from AVA MAX...cuz maybe they're just a lil "SWEET BUT PSYCHO"

#2 comes from one of the latest new cummers to catch my eyes and ears

and fer all those the new silly queers out there look'n fer thee puuuurfect runway anthem to make yer entrance when you meet yer possee out on any give'n nite...TODRICK's "NAILS HAIR HIPS HEELS" will show you the correct order in which it's done

thee #1 reason...not matter what the season...comes from the QUEEN

of chameleon's...who has dominated the fuck'n dance floor fer the past 30+ years and is STILL goin strong

 with her latest release become'n #1 in no less than 60 countries...include'n Uzbekistan!...(hey...i know what yer think'n kittens...Uzbekistan?...yes...it's true...the one gay that works at the only pop-up record shop that hasn't been blow up yet..and he bought all 20 copies as pass over prezzies...so it still counts) anywho'zll'ding...

MADAME X bein her latest incarnation...M has zero plans on ever give'n up her hard earned throne anytime soon...until they try and pry it from her absolutely smoke'n alabastered corpse...of course the #1 spot it could only be from the one and only MADONNA...

who taught millions of us just how to strike a pose with her #1 1990 planetary smash hit "VOGUE"

thanx fer tune'n in kittens...now slap on yer sauciest look...show yer pride

and get off my dress!