Monday, November 5, 2012

Confessions from a Prairie Bitch

covered wagons…holly hobby dresses…lugg’n pails of water…and Sunday school on a wednesday nite…sounds to me like the make’n of a western porn…entitled “lust in the dust” or somethin’…but not on my blog kittens…you want that sorta smut…i suggest you visit yer local adult entertainment theater if you want a cheap thrill…(or call me after 8 pm central time)

famously known as tv’s rotten egg bad-ass bitch thru-out the 1970’s fer 7 of the 9 seasons on the saccrinated family series  
“Little House on the Prairie”

as Nellie Oleson

Alison Arngrim is much more than just a “Prairie Bitch”…she’s an actress of stage and screen…author…activist against AIDS and child abuse…a comedienne…and one smart and funny kitten...if i do say so myself

so Nellie…i mean Alison…i’m sure you’ve gotten that once or twice on the street over the years huh…but since i brought it up...what's life been like since leave'n Walnut Grove?

i did the usual thing after the show like... 
"The Love Boat"

and "Fantasy Island"...cuz it's the law

i have just been the busiest thing in the world for the last couple of years...i was doing stand-up for eons and then in 2002 i started doing this thing... 

where i tell all true stories from my life on Little House...things have just taking off since then and when the book came out in 2010 i haven't had a minutes peace...i'm constantly doin my show or a book signing somewhere.

Once Nellie married Percival and left the series…you did movie of the week with Marie Osmond…what was that all about?

i was in a movie called "i married Wyatt Earp"
but i myself did not marry Wyatt Earp...Marie Osmond married Wyatt Earp...i played Marie Omond's best friend and Bruce Boxleitner was also in this film...who became Melissa Gilbert's ex husband

do you ever feel like you were tyepcast as Nellie?

oh yea i totally think that did happen to some extent...people in hollywood are so totally out of it...people were convinced i must be like Nellie Oleson...
there were casting directors who were convinced i could only be in shows that took place in the 1800's...which is why they called me for the Wyatt Earp thing...i remember in the 80's my agent calling people about parts...
and they're saying "oh this takes place in current you think she comes with the dress?"
which is 1800's barbie

are you insane? there is definitely a type casting...people in hollywood are very narrow minded...but i think in the last few of years it's really turning around in my favor because everyone really likes the bitchy parts now i'm getting more calls.

Yer tv husband Percival Dalton…played by Steve Tracy…passed away from complications to AIDS in 1986…and since then you’ve been a tremendous champion volunteer’n yer time to many AIDS organizations and educational workshops thru-out the LA area…do you feel that you’ve made a positive impact with those you’ve come in contact with over the years?
they married of Nellie and i got very nice...once i was married to the marvelous actor Steve Tracy who played Percival and then he died of AIDS in 1986 and was very public with his diagnosis and that's when nobody was talking about anything...i  volunteered at AIDS Project Los Angeles...the biggest one got really intense...i did alot of AIDS education in CA and all over the country and i'm still doing stuff for different AIDS agencies all over the country because some of the smaller agencies are not getting the funding 
because they can't ring up Elton John and Madonna to come do a show for them 

but at least i can go do something...(laughs) so if your ever in trouble...
you can always get Nellie Oleson to help out!

when i did an AIDS walk in Seattle...that was a very successful year...
i raised more money than Sir Ian McKellen

i was very impressed...i've spoken at 100's and 100's of places around LA about AIDS education and actually spoke at an enrollment group in MN in '92 and i was doing a benefit for a hospice in Minneapolis and we went and did the whole bringing Nellie home pick-nick... 
and went to the Walnut Grove site

but it was after i spoke there that i got a letter from the 4-H club that they were now doing a project of making blankets and quilts for children with AIDS so i was very pleased.

So yer come’n back to CAMP in St Paul, MN again fer yer 2nd round of yer brilliantly written “CONFESSIONS of a PRAIRIE BITCH”…what can my enormous litter of kittens who plan on attend’n…expect when they come to yer show that they may or may not have seen the first time around?

i always have a little something new...i'm keeping in the favorites cuz the video's like the baby Cary can't talk just can't go wrong obviously there will be some familiar stuff...but i'm always tweaking and adding new things...i have some new insane stories from France...and then of course the huge chunk of my act is the marvelous question and answer...the "ask Alison anything" segment where we will have little index cards where you can ask questions...and that's always completely live so we never no what we're going to be asked.

i personally think that they (the audience) need somethin’ to feel the full effect of yer show…and therefore CAMP should be sell'n “PRAIRIE BITCH” martini’s during yer run...made from caramel apple vodka...ginger ale and a pinch of bitters…don’t that sound like some sorta little house cocktail Nellie would’ve drank if the writers turned her into some rage’n alcoholic prairie wife who dies of cirrhosis of the liver…that would be awesome...yea it should be a little sweet a little bitter but it should be a little pink to...when they did the Little House musical which was actually quite fabulous wonderfully hokey and Oklahomie
Melissa Gilbert played ma which was a trip

when they opened in MN they did do a drink menu and they had "ma's nightly nip" the "laura" which was the nice non alcoholic one...but they had all these prairie martini's and they did have a Nellie Olsen cocktail with pink grapefruit juice vodka and soda. it was pink and fuzzy.

oh yea…and fer those who just wanna taste a lil Nellie…how about a “little house” shot? well now i think it would need Miss Beetle's lemon verbena and something grain alcohol based...cuz pa was a wheat farmer...and maybe make it a warm drink cuz you know we'd be freezing on the a hot toddy with a twist straw to keep the fires burning.

now we’ve come to the part of the show that i like to call 
“can we talk about ME fer a change?” 

basically what happens is…in yer best Barbara Walters blouse…you can ask me ANYTHING under the rainbow about me that yer die’n to know about me…and i mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G *wink*wink*…well accept about rainbows
cuz that’s just fuck’n lazy

ok...since we're coming to MN and you guys have the whole marriage equality initiative on the ballot...when did you 1st come out as a gay?

Alison kitten...i came down that fallopian curly slide with a flute in my hand! 
so i never really hadda come outta any closet...besides...closets are fer clothes...i don't follow leaders...they follow me!
well...accept THIS leader!

Well thank you’s a million times over Alison fer take’n time off yer “Prairie Tour” to talk with this unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist of her own universe

catch Alison in her hilarious romp thru the back stories of the business in 
Confessions of a Prairie Bitch” @ CAMP runn’n  Nov 8th – Nov 11th   

tell her I sent ya if ya get a chance…yer not gonna get any sorta discount…but i’m sure she’d be glad to know you read about her here 1st…if ya don’t

just get off my dress!

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