Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Fruit Fly come bother me

hey kittens…you know that say’n...“BIG things come in small packages!” well…most of the time…it’s sometimes true (depend’n how much you REALLY wanna pay fer it)…hey…i’m not here to judge…
i’m just say’n…ya might wanna keep a couple of benjamins by yer bed stand fer those “rainy nites” after ya reach a certain age

but no worries about shell’n out any shill’ns from yer lil change purse today kittens…cuz have i got a lil snicky snack fer you…(and i mean that literally)…fer in my informational studio today…I have none other than the pint sized larger than life brilliance…who’s been all over the stage…tv and film for the better part of 2 decades…

best known as the comical keebler elf of the hit series

Leslie Jordan

(insert the clap here)

so Leslie…WOW…i was totally surprised to see you hitch hike’n along the informational highway this morn’n…but i’m so glad i pulled over and pick’d ya up...how the H-E-double hockey sticks are ya?

i don't know what that means

that's MN talk...mean'n "what have ya been up to lately?" 

oh...well in 2006 i won an emmy for a tv show i was on called  
Will and Grace

and i thought i was set...then it just all went into the shitter...i don't know what happened...so i had to reinvent myself

how very Madonna of you Leslie

i have a management firm in Palm Springs that books me and i do about 45 venues a year...i do stand up comedy in gay bars 
that's very lucrative and make alotta money doin that

i leave tomorrow and i'm host'n the largest gay dinner for 3000 gay men in black tie
and gay women in Dallas Texas...to raise money for something...i'm not sure what's it 's for
 
yer bank account maybe?...(Leslie's laughs)

let’s start there and get it outta the way…it’s been like what…about 6 years since you starred in a lil hit comedy show that ran fer 8 glorious years…called Will and Grace and as you stated...you snagged yerself an Emmy in 2006 fer Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series fer yer portrayal of  not so str8 act’n and appear’n pretentious socialite …Beverly Leslie

first...that quite frankly…still owe me fer the hospital bills fer putt’n me in stitches every thursday nite…

what was it like work’n with such an incredibly funny cast?
well working on Will and Grace was like a turning point for my "tribe" and America...and i was really proud to be apart of that cast. 

bein’ Karen Walker’s non heterosexually closeted nemesis….did that involve a lot of research on yer part?

no...that part was originally written for Joan Collins...
if you can believe that
 
she was gonna become the best friend of Karen Walker...
they wanted them to have a spat and pull each others wigs off...and Joan Collins balked and they fired her ass so i nailed it on the very first audition...i was told when i first came to hollywood that i had to get rid of my accent cuz it would limit me cuz i was already such a character...then i thought i'm just a marketable package...
i'm not gonna be Robert DeNiro and disappear into a roll
 
i'm like Dolly Parton...
there's a alot of me...just in real life!

i have a serial obsession with Madonna and hope to be play’n one of her many reincarnations in some lifetime movie of the week…
in the very distant future

that I’m sure will also star Markie Post...
as some obsessed...down-n-out drunk...divorcee...Madonna wannabe
 
and then i remembered you yerself had an obsession as the non heterosexual perform’n illusionist…locked in the loony bin fer reparative therapy…
try’n to keep the legacy of the late great Tammy Wynette alive…

in the hilarious black comedy about white trailer trash…
 
starr’n Design’n Women alumni Delta Burke and Bonnie Bedelia
 
funny lady Beth Grant
 
songbird Olivia Newton-John among others

when you broke down and said...  
well...someone's got to carry on her legacy now that she's gone!”

it gave me the chills!

i will say it hear and now…you was robbed!
how did that not get you nominated fer an oscar fer yer portrayal of Brother Boy? 
 
the movie just didn't do that well i guess
 
then it was turned into a prequel i guess...and made into a tv series

what was it like work’n with sexually charged Golden Girl herself…
 Blanche Devereaux…on the tv series with Rue McClanahan?
 
i adored her...but i would even say this in front of her...she is a doll but she was having problems with her back and she got on this pain medicine and she was a bitch (laughs) we asked her if she wanted to go out on the road with the show...cuz we were all broke...
people don't know that Rue lost alot of money in that Bernie Madoff fiasco...

so she had to go back to work at 73...it was terrible...she was broke...
Caroline Rae was broke...i was broke...so we decided to do a "Sordid Evening of Comedy" and hit the road to make some money...we charged $75 a ticket for a meet and greet and that's what Rue hated...she hated the meet and greet cuz she wasn't feeling well cuz at this point she was in a wheel chair...

but she would tell stories about the Golden Girls...
and the audience would just eat it up! She was one of the greats!

you’ve said “yer the gayest man you know”…grow’n up in a conservative family in Chattanooga…in yer off broadway smash hit...
“MY Trip Down the Pink Carpet” that traveled the country sides…

which was taken from yer ball bust’n…hysterically penned memoir 
you wrote a few years back…

reveal’n celeb run-in’s from...
Boy George

to George Clooney

yer take on Hollyweird…yer fame and yer addictions…gay culture…and just say’n it’s OK to be a non heterosexual or non homosexual…just love yerself…i wish i'd seen it when it was here....

that must've been...well a trip fer you? 
well "My Trip Down the Pink Carpet" Lily Tomlin saw and helped me produce it...

and we did it in New York and then took it to London...what i talk about in my one man show is myself...it's my favorite subject! growing up gay in the babtist church...i've been baptized 14 times...my dad was a lieutenant colonel in the army and i was not exactly the son he envisioned...I was booked at the Pantages theater in downtown Minneapolis and CAMP heard about my stand up comedy and wanted me to do the show at their theater.

now yer back in the land of 10,000 bottoms…oops…i mean lakes…
with yer brand new show Fruit Fly” @ CAMP in downtown St Paul

Can ya tell my kittens what they can expect this time around? 

well...i was there last year at CAMP in St Paul and fell in love with that city
and the St Paul hotel and all the restaurants in that area...and it was a homo hoe-down...it was packed every single night...word spread and i was getting a nice cross over audience which is always good

what my one man show FRUIT FLY is all about is...
it answers the age old question "do gay men become their mothers?"

my mother was the baby of 9 children and my daddy was the baby in his family...so when the babies had a baby...i was photographed relentlessly...i mean how could i have not turned out gay with beanies and matching umbrella's...i was just decorated and trotted out...so i took those stories and did a show around them....it's a performance with flies...music...stories...light cues...it's stories about me with my mother...people were really moved by it...i told my devote baptist mother at 12 years old that i was gay and she always had problems with that and started taking me to christian therapy...and they would pray over me...and they told me when i have urges for sex with someone of the  same sex...it was the voice of the prince of darkness.
it's a full length play...i can promise them alot of laughs but it's much more...it's very moving...and i'm really really proud of it...we booked it in London...Paris...Amsterdam in january and february...so CAMP is actually getting in on the beginnings of something big. CAMP is a wonderful venue so i would love to get a good cross over crowd of both straight and gay people there again

now we’ve come to the part of the interview i like to call…
can we talk about ME fer a change?

this is where you get to put on yer best Barbara Walters blouse and ask me ANYTHING under the rainbow…and I mean ANYTHING (well except rainbows) that yer die’n to know about this unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist of her own universeI swear…I’ll still come to yer show 

have you ever met Lorna Luft...Judy Garland's daughter?
i have not had the pleasure yet...but i have clicked my heels once or twice and said there's no place like a homo!

i wanna thank the ever hysterical…and don’t ferget…Emmy award winner…Leslie Jordan fer stopp’n by fer a lil chitter chatter with me

now run out and get tickets today to the hottest show in town starr’n Leslie Jordan in his hit one-man show…





and puhleez…get off my dress!

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