SPLAT!

we're only weeks away til those dead among us come back to walk the

earth once again...thus...the season of the stalkers has finally begun...and lemme tell ya...me & my dearest friend Peetrinella are like 2 pumpkins in a patch...well...cuz she made out like a bandit last xmas & bday with her h-weenie displays i hadda sell my soul (along with about half of my dignity) just to keep her tap dance'n til the snow starts to blanket the ground and she can put up her gargantuan xmas displays that took the other half of my dignity over the years...though here's hope'n next friday's release of the new HALLOWEEN...spun from the cult classic...to finish off the series 

ain't fucked up like all those of the recent past remakes...fuck'n with my fav-o-rit holiday of the year and turn'n it into a can of less than stellar steamy meh! soup!

though apparently...yer cult status as a scream goddess doesn't pay to cling onto these days...when you can loose yer shit by buy'n stock in activia...just ask Jamie!

when it comes to stalkers i've always considered myself a pretty pacifist...

you fuck with me...and i will pass a fist...to yer face...and it ain't gonna be pretty...KAPEESH!...i mean...have you ever tried pick'n up yer teeth with broken fingers?...well...verbally speak'n of course...i don't need'a break a nail over yer bullshit!

BUTT sometimes...you gotta pull out the big guns!

so late one early nite...after a difficult day at the park...just try'na come up with enough coinage fer a caffeinated beverage...i headed back to my shit 

box to settle down fer an even'n with an Alice marathon...why not!...with cool cucumber slices on my eyes to calm down the baggage i had been carry'n under my eyes after a visit earlier from my neighborhood "gynecologist" who informed me that my onychophogy was back and was not feel'n that great in the end

there was a still chill in the nite air as the sun was take'n a nose dive behind the horizon...and i was without my emergency shawl...so i started pick'n up my pace while pick'n up my ass from scrape'n on the sidewalk...wait...who am i kidd'n...my suppley smooth A double snakes doesn't need a bungee chord just yet...my 48 years young tush is so tight...i can practically turn coal into diamels with one squeeze 

(hey...i'm not that delusional)

with only the mate'n calls of the corner STD's drown'n out the chaos of the city...i could feel the hairs on my chiny chin chin stand at attention as it felt like i was no longer the stalker...but the stalkee

up ahead i could see the corner of my apartment build'n thru the bushes and knew it was best if i didn't look back as to cause any sorta confrontation...just ignore the world behind you and move on...but the sounds were gett'n louder and louder with each nervous step

finally reach'n the back door of my build'n and felt a sigh of exhausted relief come over me...much like my last mistake a week earlier...and as i fumbled thru my keys like Schneider try'na get a sneaky peak of Barbara and Julie runn'n around the apartment in their b-day suits while Anne was at the office...from outta the bushes i was cornered and had no where to go...so i decided to stand my ground and defend myself the best way i knew how 

oh trust me...it was goin down...PREDATOR vs the TERMINATOR

they waited til i was all alone with no one in sight...to make their move...and they apparently knew there'd be no one at that particular moment outside of my shit box...almost as if they had stalked out my place fer weeks on end...follow'n my every nite moves...from pick-up to pick-up...park'n lot to park'n lot...look'n fer the perfect time to pounce on me

though they threw the 1st punch...i made sure not to let them think they had any sorta chance in hell of ever come'n outta this alive...

this was my vietnam moment!

just when i thought i only hadda deal with just the one of these pain in the neck asswipes...5 seconds later a whole damn army of fucktwats decided to join in and started take'n shots at me...a couple to my arms and 1 deep one to the left side of my neck...big fuck'n deal i thought to myself...i've had worse happen to me back in the day...i just didn't want any to the face

well cuz i have'a show come'n up this h-weenie in Winona, MN...and as any true artist out there knows...there's no cover up to cover that shit up!

luckily fer me...i was able to throw in a few good punches i learned from 

the gals in the type'n pool...they weren't expect'n me to fight back like i did...3 or 4 hit the ground hard but they were come'n outta the wood work all around me...and i'm not gonna lie...i was gett'n way too tired to put up with this shit!...are you kidd'n me?...it's 2018...i just wanted to relax with some Alice and the gals at the diner...i thought i was completely done try'na defend'n myself with this sorta bullshit after all these years!

i was cornered like our mentally deranged lie'n sack of pig shit in a room...

 all alone with Mueller...i seriously didn't know if i'd ever get outta this alive

plenty of blood was gonna be shed before the nite was over...i was sure of that...and i was sure as shit gonna make sure it wasn't mine!

i was never one to let anyone get in the last word...and tonite would be

 no exception...FUCK'N PUNKS!!!

they started this whole damn mess but i was gonna be the one to finish it!

i don't care what A-N-Y-O-N-E says...these assholes deserved the death penalty fer what they did to me that nite...those damn mosquitoes ARE NOT yer friend...PERIOD!

now get off my dress!