Monday, October 24, 2016

trick or treason

this is my all time fav-o-rit time of year...wake'n up to the crisp clean air...
walk'n thru a kaleidoscope of fall'n foliage in the forest...
a classroom full of miniature spermicidal maniacs...
til you settle down fer the nite...drink'n dran-o shots and stick'n toothpicks in yer toennails wait'n in a-n-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-i-o-n for the death of yet another cult classic bein' ripped to shitty shreds on tv...i just even can't...all i can say is kittens...don't dream it...just fa-get-aboud-it! seriously

but the biggest shit show this hallowed season HAS NOT been about

no...the scariest part of this entire electoral process has been between...

listen here me...much like i believe that MADONNA is the 
and that certain stalkers body areas should be functional and not funky when visit'n thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe at Chateau Fever
i also believe it is YER RIGHT TO VOTE as a gas guzzle'n...self centered...monochromatic patriarch with a splash of neurosis on the side...i am not here to take that away from you...

if you believe the leader of the this great nation of you well know
(let's get real kittens...that was stolen) believes he should get a pass about bragg'n about "locker room antics"
believes in mock'n the armed services
and believes in plant'n the possibilities...
then by all are far more superior deplorable than the rest of yer country fellowman all means...drag yer knuckles to the vote'n both on nov 28th
and don't fergit to take the dishes outta the sink before ya pee in it!
 and don't worry if you vote the wrong way kittens...i won't disown you or block yer wretched A double snakes from FB or any other social media fer that matter...i will just flush you...much like you have with yer morals and human decency...down the drain...leave you outta my collection of Cher Boy George and Cyndi Lauper dolls...and cross you off my non existent christmas card list that you were never on in the first place when it was existent!

now get off my dress!

Monday, October 17, 2016

gimme a break!

i know you come to me week and after week fer the hard hitt'n
A double snake splitt'n stories so you can leave yer mundane and often miserably depress'n world that you revolve around...but i'm sorry kittens...i've been give'n you weekly stories fer the past 6 years without a vacation to my own private i-da-ho...
i got crap from a few of my readers wonder'n where in the H-E-double hockey stix i've been...well there's been some back break'n developments in my own unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe world recently that i hadda attend to urgently...and now that i'm in the queer...i mean clear...i need my mind to relax fer but a mere mini week...and readjust
BUTT...i promise to be back in the game next monday...until then...
get off my dress!

Monday, October 3, 2016


finally...the wickest month is upon us my kreepy krawly kittens...
where all H-E-double hockey stix breaks loose
ummm...let me clarify...i'm not talk'n about the elections...well...not this week anyways
but since we're on the subject...finish choke'n down those caramel nuggity treats by nov 8th...and VOTE bitch!

in the mean time kittens...since the crypt keeper had a play date with
the original top 20 countdown'n colostomy bag a few years back...i hadda pull out the ouija board and try and make a connection...but no such luck...
so i've decided to take over the reigns as the unintentionally internationally unknown top 20 countdown hostess of my own universe...
to keep yer toes a tapp'n while dance'n with the devil in yer best whore-ish look this hallowed season...let's begin...shall we?

come'n in at # 20...MICHAEL JACKSON
no halloween season would be complete without this zombie classic from 1983

with a lil back-up help from the famous gloved one from above...this 80's jheri curl gave paranoid schizophrenics everywhere a voice

this dynamic duo sure know how to make a hit...of course it helps that one of them knew how to take a hit

originally sung by Danny Elfmann fer the Tim Burton classic "Nightmare Before Christmas"...turned out to be a satanic masterpiece fer the devil's prodigy child

before she was "dressed to kill" on her sold out tour...this raven beauty turned back time in her roller skates...ummm...that's like an ancient physical artform to the instant oatmeal generation

best known fer sing'n the open'n theme on John Waters classic "HAIRSPRAY"...this lil kitten opened fer Bill Cosby in Vegas before she was a teenager

this mousketeer's masterpiece was the theme song to Bram Stroker's DRACULA...cuz blood suckers need love to ya know

the QUEEN known fer her pop infused ballads...conjured up love fer even Lucifer's fallen angel with this haunt'n ballad

and now...a long distance dedication to a lil girl from Michigan
who sold her soul...among a few other unmentionables...just to have a career...her letter reads..."now i lay me down to sleep...i pray the lord my soul to keep...fer if i die before i wake...i pray the lord i still have hitz to make"...well lil's yer long distance dedication from that pariah of parodies...JACKIE BEAT with "GIMME ALL YOUR BLOOD"

and now...back to the countdown

come'n in at #12....FRANK N FURTER
this lil saucy number got caught up in the spider's web since the 70's and has been entertain'n the masses ever since with it's interactive applications

theme song to the Stephen King classic bare'n the same name...these guys were responsible fer the 3 chord thrash and punk sound...this was one of their biggest hits and a constant staple in their live shows

the only charity song to hit my countdown...this fairly unknown tribute benefited UNICEF in 2005...with it's patronize'n attitude towards other charity singles like "DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS"'s considered a complete classic to the undead...gathered together by a cast of spooktacular talents like ELVIRA...BECK...PEACHES...among many others

 Lita Ford and Dale Bazio's love child was part of the best camp horror movie ever "ELVIRA MISTRESS OF THE DARK"...she'll drive a stake right thru yer earlobes

this middle eastern twist on a classic will surely lobotomize yer mind

easily mistaken as british singer LILY ALLEN...well...cuz that's who i thought it was til i researched the song...this lil number will surely rattle yer bones

ol' blue eyes made it with the best of em back in his hay days by putt'n em under his spell with this smooth spellbind'n number
a ghoulish lil ditty that'll surely put you in a devilish mood

a multi talented known as the villainous vixen Catwoman in the original Batman series in the late 60's...she purred like no other on earth

with her new coffee table book out this month...she'll have you see'n double'd be mentally insane not to own it...and i already know that my BFH (bestist fag hag) Peetrinella is already on it without ANY sorta HINT HINT HINT from me 

though this chameleon was known fer a string of hits thru-out the 80's...he proved he could rock it out like the rest of em on the release of his brilliant hard edged masterpiece with a message "cheapness and beauty"

and my #1 all time fav-o-rit haunted hit...DEAD OR ALIVE
the quintessential anthem fer anything that goes bump in the nite...lead singer PETE BURNS will make you howl at the moon with his infectious voice

well...there ya have it kittens...this years top 20 ghoulish hitz from beyond
the gravestone...thanx fer tune'n in...well...i'm goin as under cova ZIKA luva this it's time fer me to start bedazzle'n my blood suck'n beak

so get off my dress!