Monday, December 15, 2014

come on...all ye faith full of shit!

ahhh...the snowflakes a flutter...like fireflies at nite...
as santa's 8 reindeer get ready fer their flight

but just cuz it's the holiglazed season...
is that a reason...for religious treason?

apparently so!

example #1
cuz of author JIM MARJORAM...who was promote'n his book about his life as a non heterosexual AND (the horror of it all) a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N...
ROBERTSON...who enjoys sunday drives in his fully fucktional Mazda cherry picker...of course does not believe in kill'n as a christian...but totally stands behind them off'n themselves...instead though...he thinks it's the governments job to drop the ax on all the non heterosexuals sodomize'n one another

hmmm...believes in kill'n...BUT... doesn't wanna commit the act...huh!
ummm...didn't someone else already pull that off ?

at least JIM found a shred of decency in his blasphemous soul...
to thank LOGAN for the free publicity fer his book...if ya wanna read about this perversion of unnatural nature (insert obvious laugh here)...click here to order JIM's book

example #2
though he could be mistaken as Matthew Fox's doppelgagger...don't be fooled by this bigoted bearded bible beater eater...(it's a mouthful i know...and by the size of his schnozzer...HELLO FELLOW!)...now where was i?...oh yea...STEVEN ANDERSON...the parasitic pastor from Faithfull-of-shit Worst Baptist Church in Arizona...spoke how we...as a whole...can stop a deadly disease from spread'n just in time fer Christmas and save billions...since CASPER's comic book had the cure fer the AIDS crisis all along...though it's would only be 90% effective...

like example #1 fucktard...ANDERSON...the blessed christian coward that he is...doesn't believe in commit'n the actual act of execution...that's the governments job...but he'd love to sit around his christmas tree...eat'n his shrimp scampi...wrapped in his illegal poly blends...while beat'n off to many of the passages from Leviticus to the Corinthians

example #3

 MICHIGAN...you deserve such a huge A+ fer give'n us...
unfortunately...you will get a well deserved F.U. fer lett'n the house of representatives reprehensibles pass the RELIGIOUS FREEDOM RESTORATION ACT...R.F.R.A...(otherwise known more commonly to non denominational level headed kittens as Retardeligious Fucktarded Rectilydysfunctional Act)...basically it's a blatant law to discriminate against ANYONE who doesn't play "connect the dots to yer like'n" in CASPER's color'n book
now granted...it hasn't been signed into law by governor SNYDER...yet...but trust me...if this bill passes...i know the masses will not be sitt'n on their asses...cuz it won't just be hurt'n the homo's

example #4

the Irish Catholic Church (or any fer that matter)

from G*D CASPER...our yer heavenly father invented delusional entity
the blessed angels came...
(just not in the eye...it burns like a mofo)
and unto certain shepherds
(cuz ya never know who yer gonna get on GRINDR)
brought tide'ns of the same
(frankincense...myrrh and gold...condoms...lube and poppers)

whatever you believe in this holiglazed season...have a merry MARY one...
and get off my dress!



Monday, December 8, 2014

let it go

the snow glows white on the mountain tonite...not a footprint to be seen...
a kingdom of isolation...and it looks like i'm the queen!

so recently...to my surprise…i made it 8.5 years at my current place of employment without goin' all ape shit on their ass...which is a very huge...
accomplishment fer me!...ummm…before you start to hum that Cher awful "for he’s a jolly good…" with party hats and parade float cheers…save it!

i don't believe in 8.5 year plans…i don't even believe in 8.5 minute plans
i believe in things like 8.5 inch heels...AND...
 i definitely believe in 8.5 inch cocks

my subconscious has been unconscious for pretty much the past 7 years…11 months…and 30 days...and count'n (the 1st 6 months seemed logical)

i never thought i could or would STILL be corralled in the same cubicle stall
mon thru fri...9 to 5…

work’n in the concrete jungles of corporate america...

crammed amongst the elevator comedians and skyway stalkers...
you know…the type that trap you in hell for the next 30 seconds…while yer bein' lifted to yer own personal cubicle of hell...
try'n to give their best 2-drink minimum routine to the crowd of cackle'n heels
desperately search'n for dinner and a diamond...
or that one needle in a gaystack you've noticed over the past 8.5 years amongst the herd of bad boy band haircuts and poly blends that you finally had a chance encounter to meet outside of the downtown mousetrap maze only to find out he has the emotional commitment of gnat!

my job is no different…or earth shatter'n…or even remotely entertain'n...
like most downtown jobs…(well except for the ones called "blow")…which i can safely say…i have never applied for…yet!

we've all worked with a co-work'n henchman who makes you wish you had the strength of Doralee Rhodes Violet Newstead and Judy Bernly fer a day
to hunt them down… hog tie'em to a chair…and purposely mix up the box of sticky-n-sweet with rat poison while pour'n 'em a cup of sanka...
but since they have the personality of a dollop of mayonnaise...
it really ain't worth bein' someone's cigarette bitch...draped in an orange jumper all day

and of course...no office would be complete without a Roz Keith...
i believe there are 2 employed with me

i've worked with the variable poo-poo platter of the invasion of the entire "burbanation" dur'in my stay here at the florescent bulb heavens in hell...
and have heard just about every story i can ever possibly want to handle...
from kids...
and casseroles… 
to ball games...
and break downs...
as they do their daily feed'n at the donut trough

the work force has forced us to OD on PC'ness…so i guess say'n things…
"like unless yer gonna talk about Madonna or cock…you got know business spew'n yer business to me…cuz it's none of my business!" would not be advisable at this portion of the game

the very small handful i have had contact with outside of the work space have been entertain'n to be around...but we’ve not reached to the level of  "free range" conversations like i have had with all my past places of employment…and that’s fine with me these days

now before you go say'n i should be grateful i have a job in this economy…and 8.5 years is a good accomplishment…and i should feel i am one of the many rewards bestowed on said corporation fer my longevity…cuz YES…i know how hard it is to have a job…let alone keep one these days…but this is my blog…so save me yer speech!

let's talk about this "reward'n" feel'n i should feel...just fer a minute

"REWARD" as defined by WIKIPEDIA has a merried of definitions…but this one best describes my situation…simply say'n "offered as an incentive"

so what's my reward of 8.5 years feel'n like it's "time to make the donuts"
on a daily basis worth...and the incentive to continue down the same beige path as those before me have?

the HUGE party hat and parade float feel'ns that should tickle me pink...
have been reduced to joys of pain...caress'n the monogrammed seat warmer i had picked from a pile of refried crap at my 5 year anniversary...that was left behind on the island of misfit corporate crap…collect'n dust in the basement…adorn'n the company logo just to mock me as a testament to remind me of my misery!

ummm…yea…no thanx!

i'll play the "game" cuz i have to in order to survive…
well…that is…until i get the lotto numbers right or some wealthy long lost relative leaves me a comfortable fortune...but don't count on me at the company picnic to punch the piƱata with acceptably outlined witty banter anytime soon

just give what we thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of the their own universe really REALLY wants N-E-E-D-S...
a hooker

a holiday 

or better yet...a helicopter ride outta here 

otherwise…just get off my dress!

Monday, December 1, 2014

i got an INCH to scratch

on nites like this...when the world's a bit amiss
and the lights go down...across the trailer park
i get down...i feel had...i feel on the verge of going mad
and then it's time to punch the clock!

i was 1st introduced to this musical piece of theater known as...
by this hyperventilate'n hyena my magically delish...exceptionally hysterical...friend Peetrinella back in 2001...and i was hooked like a junkie to heroin

HEDWIG...fer those brain dead meat beaters who haven't had the chance to view this harmonious rock revolution...is only about thee best original cult
musical to date...think THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW...on steroids

center'n around a young cub scout named Hansel Schmidt...
yearn'n to escape the clutches of East Berlin...
finally gets his wish after follow'n the confectionery
carnage of  sugar daddy soldier Luther Robinson...

but only after he has a "procedure" to make it thru customs

after Hansel's "guardian angel fell asleep on the watch"...
he went from Hansel to Hedwig...and was left with a "barbie doll crotch"
and became the internationally ignored song stylist barely stand'n before you...on their trek across america...find'n fade'n fame...minimal fortune and themselves
starr'n SCTV funny gal...ANDREA MARTIN...as HEDWIG's manager Phyllis Stein
Miriam Shor as Yitzhak...HEDWIG's  heartbroken backup singer

written...directed and starr'n the beyond brilliant...

originally appear'n as the centerpiece to this masterpiece of theater...in an off broadway musical production that ran fer 2 years from 1998 to 2000...before head'n to the big screen and winn'n many many countless awards

the stage production would FINALLY come full circle...
in 2014...when a a proper revival would return where it all began...but this time on BROADWAY where it belongs...starr'n NPH as HEDWIG and kill'n it at the TONY awards this year...walk'n away with best lead actor in a musical...along with best revival of a musical among many other awards
the lead was taken over fer a brilliant summer run by ANDREW RANNELS 
currently is now portrayed by the hottest serial killer on cable...DEXTER's MICHAEL C. HALL...who's hopped into HEDWIG's heels til jan 2015...get yer tickets fast before they're all gone

but finally...the one who started all the madness many moons ago...
JOHN CAMERON MITCHELL will once again be revisit'n his hay days as HEDWIG ROBINSON...start'n jan 21st fer a limited run of 8 weeks only

trust me...this is a show NOT TO BE MISSED!...
since that jolly ol fat ass in the cozy red jumpsuit ain't gonna fulfill my wish this year...well cuz i wasn't desperate enough to fill him...guess i better turn in all my aluminum cans and trade in my 90210 trade'n cards...cuz i ain't miss'n this performance!

so with that in mind kittens...it's time fer me to...

get yer tickets today and puhleez...get off my dress!