Monday, March 25, 2013

she's living for this!

i like alot of things...like fer instance....
i like just about anything 80's

i like chrome colored walls


i really like apples...

and i really like em BIG!

but let's save that smut talk fer another blog...shall we...you dirty lil kittens!

cuz today i have with us...in my oraficial unisvere...all the way from the Big Apple...to the Minne-Apple...none other than the lovely and talented...
SHERRY VINE

so Sherry....i'm as pickled as a priest on sunday that you decided to take me up on my offer and come perform fer the flock of ferries and and non ferries in the Minne-Apple at the annual "April Showers bring BITCH FLOWERS" event at the Varsity Theater...have you ever performed in the Minne-Apple before?
I have a hard time remembering what I had for lunch but I think it's my first time in Minnie-Apple!  And let me tell ya, I can't wait to pop my Minnie cherry!

though you are internationally known and performed fer many thru-out the land...can ya give my legion of followers who may have not had the oppertunity to see you live...a lil backstory on how Sherry came about?
 I was getting my MFA in Acting and every time we read a play I identified with the leading lady.  It wasn't that I wanted to be a female but as an actor I wanted the juicy, emotional parts! lol.  I mean c'mon, Blanche is the part to play!  Or Hedda Gabler.  So I created Sherry in order to give myself a platform to sing songs and play roles I couldn't do as a man.  What started as a hobby turned into a career.  Then a joke lol!!

i know yer not gonna remember lil ol' me...but we actually met at the Barracuda club in the Big Apple about 3 years ago...(i was dressed as a lesbian or man drag if you will)...you were an absolute gem...and you were debut'n yer spoof of Lady GaGa's "bad romance" that you titled "shit my pants" fer the 1st time...which i had to come meet you after that hysterical rendition...how do you decide what artist/song to parody?
Of course I remember you - weren't we doing bumps off that go go boys tight ass?  So funny you were there for the premiere of the parody that changed my life lol.  I started doing parodies in high school, years before starting as Sherry.  It's just something I have always done.  And I've been doing Sherry for 21 years now!  So in the beginning it was just about the idea and making it funny.  I wasn't focused on what was the top hit of the moment.  Once YouTube came along it was about video parodies and certainly if the song was a hit this would lead to more views.  GaGa was a gift!!  There's just so much to parody.  

i actually have performed yer amazin' hit "you're a homo" a couple of times in my own shows...another fantastic spoof and actually a great political message of Lady GaGa's hit "alejandro"...have you ever gotten any feedback from celebrities that you've spoofed? and do you feel like it's an honor when other perform'n illusionists...like myself...perform yer brilliantly written songs?
I am sincerely thrilled when someone does one of my parodies!  What better way to be acknowledged than to have one's peers want to "do" you?   I've gone to cities where queens are like, "Do you mind if I do one of your songs?"  And I say, "Girl, please!!"  It makes me so happy!  Luckily, most of the celebs I really admire and parody (I do not do one's I don't like, I am a fan of Gaga, Madonna, etc) have been supportive.  Especially, Lady Gaga.  She has posted my videos on her site and fb and has written me twice.  She's totally cool and gets it.  Katy perry also tweeted my FireCrotch video.

like me being the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...and dirty gurl of the Minne-Apple...you've already established yerself as an accomplished perform'n illusionist for over 20 some years now...and you actually have yer own hit variety show...

which pays homage to shows like the Carol Burnett Show...the Sonny and Cher Show and the Donny and Marie Show...but if you had to choose a panel of judges to put you in front of a fire'n squad to judge yer performance on stage like they do on RuPaul's Drag Race...who would be yer ideal panel?
Wow, that's a hard question lol.  I would want to pick people I admire and who inspire me but if they didn't like me I might be crushed! lol.  But of course,
Carol Burnett, Lady Gaga, Debbie Harry, Jackie Beat
and the director of my videos Francis Legge. Oh and my best friend who also directs SHE'S LIVING FOR THIS Josh Rosenzweig.  

and i just made this up...but here's a new game i think would be a hit segment on yer show "suck it...fuck it...or tuck it!"...basically...(and we'll keep this to any celeb live'n or dead...just to keep the necormaniacs happy) who would you suck? who would you fuck? and who would you like to tuck and put in a gown?
i'll start...Colin Farrel...Channing Tatum...and Daniel Craig...why not!

and yer choices in order?
LOL!
  
Well I would definitely suck Joe Manganiello 

fuck Tony Danza (1978!)

and tuck James Franco - he'd make a pretty queen!

i'm a hooker in heat with yer choices Sherry...grrrr...so before i turn it over...is there anything you'd like to whore out to my flock fer monetary value to you?
All my songs, DVDs and T-shirts can be found on www.sherryvine.com
I'll be selling blow jobs in the flesh!

now we've come to the part of the interview i like to call...
"can we talk about ME fer a change?"

basically Sherry what this means is...in yer best Barbara Walters pant suit...
ask me anything you wanna know about me...and i mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G under the rainbow...well except about rainbows...cuz that's just fuck'n lazy...
I want you to tell me who I have to fuck to get a Jack Daniels and ginger when I'm there!  lol.  Can't wait to have a blast in Minneapolis!!!

depend'n on yer flavor of the week Sherry...this is where i'll I-N-S-E-R-T my psuedo good friend RIK...who will do the trick...(or anything else you ask i'm sure) but there'll be a merried number of the boys at the bar who will be more than happy to fill you to the brim...with him...or WHATEVER you D-E-S-I-R-E! *wink*wink*...if not...i'll have my car parked out back in the alley and bring my chloryphorm spray fer back-up and we can just cherry pick the crowd...ok gurl!

i wanna thank the very immensely talented...out of this world beauty...
and very punctual i might add...SHERRY VINE!

to learn more about the great and powerful SHERRY VINE...touch here
to see the great and powerful SHERRY VINE hard...at work...touch here

and come see her make her glorious debut at the 6th annual...

so grab a mate and make it a date...and like always...remember to bring ya holla's and ya dolla's...cuz you won't wanna miss thee SHERRY VINE make'n her MInne-Apple debut...along with BITCH FLOWERS or KRYSTAL KLEER or FOXY TANN or MRS. SMITH or the SOLE to SOUL dancers or DJ RICO...or quite frankly...the best party in town...now it's time fer my to start rehearse'n...so if you wouldn 't mind...could you be ever so kind...and get off my dress!










Thursday, March 21, 2013

well it's about time...BITCH!

there have been many bitches in my life...



and who could ferget this lady in the 90's...tell'n Delores...

and she's just Bitch from my fav-o-rit cult film in the 00's

but i finally got the BIGGEST bitch of them all on the horn today...
BITCH FLOWERS

Bitch...thanx fer take'n time outta yer drunkfest busy day to chatter with me
so late in the week...WOW!...it's that time again...fer the 6th annual "APRIL SHOWERS bring BITCH FLOWERS"...i've stuck with you like herpes to a hooker since the beginn'n....can you tell my legion of litters scattered thru-out the planet...how and what this whole concept is about?
it's my way of celebrating spring...a chance to bring people together to come celebrate spring...if it even shows up this year...HAHA

a lil birdie tells me...i landed you a HUGE guest this year...give it up gurl?
gurl...the one and only SHERRY VINE from New York City...and beyond...
google her...she's definitely worth it!

so it falls on 4/20 this year...that's very very innerest'n...you obviously know what that date implies...is there some sorta cryptic message yer try'n to send?
ummm...no absolutely not...it just sorta happened that way...of course i know what they're thinking...it's the birthday of Adolf Hitler...
why would we celebrate THAT? *wink*wink*

yer event is THEE event pretty much kick'n off the spring season in the Minne-Apple...and gives everyone a chance to shed those winter blues...then spring board'n off the “April Showers” event...is THEE event of the summer PRIDE fest in the Minne-Apple called "BITCH-N-BRUNCH" at SEVEN Steak and Sushi....
why would i wanna come there and deal with all that dirty downtown traffic?
this is our 6th year...and it's a perfect location to see the parade with the most square footage of the parade...coming and going...it's a more diversified crowd that attends...from gays, straights, families with their kids, LGBT supporters...and of course this year back again by popular demand is DJ Lindsay Shiek who's spun at many of my events in the past.

there have many many requests fer you to host other over-the-top events thru-out the year...(of course 99% of those requests may or may not have come from me) have you ever thought about use'n these events to parlay into the other 2 neglected seasons of the year…by host’n a huge halloween masquerade ball fer the fall...
call'n it somethin' like "WICKED"...and perhaps a lovely holiday extravaganza called "holiday sours with BITCH FLOWERS" fer the winter season?
well Krsytal you and i have discussed this before...i am usually busy thru-out the holiday season working in Atlanta...but a halloween extravaganza is something i'm considering in the future

the non heterosexual community owes a HUGE thanx to the drag queens who started the revolution fer our equality at STONEWALL back in ‘69…(leave it to the homo’s to find the perfect numerical year) and we both started perform’n as performin’ illusionists (that’s drag queen fer you unachieve’n over eaters) when it was still considered more or less an abomination by right wing bible/wife beaters…and even by some in our own flock of ferries…and now it’s been almost 45 years since stonewall…do you think broadway productions like “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” and reality shows like RuPaul’s Drag Race” are help’n or hurt’n the cause fer equality?
wow! i think it's helping the cause especially if there's a lot of background story to the character...it brings heart and understanding to people who choose to perform in something other than their natural gender...the conservative population seems to forget that many straight comedians and performers built their career on cross dressing in the beginning...
like Flip Wilson and Milton Berle among many others

if there was ONE dream celebrity to compliment yer many events...besides ME...who in yer world would you want it to be?
someone who's been covered by drag queens more than any other celebrity...of course
CHER...she could just tell stories all nite about her amazing life

if 100 bottles of chardonnay were one yer wall…and ya took one down…to pass it around…how many would you have left?
if i took one off the wall...that's like taking 100 off...so there would be zero!

now we've come to the fav-o-rit part of the interview i like to call...

"can we talk about ME fer a change?"

basically...this is where you put on yer smartest Barbara Walters pant suit and ask me anything under the rainbow that you wanna know...and i mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G...well except about rainbows...cuz that's just fuck'n lazy journalism
how do you squeeze in 2 full time jobs? one being your day job...and then two being your night job that we call blow?
HA!...simple pimple....i just huff and puff...put on my knee pads and blow their house down!

i wanna thank the ever dramitic BITCH FLOWERS fer her wasted time today...
i don't mean she's a waste...i just meant...she seemed a lil wasted...SURPRISE...now get that straw outta yer chardonay bottle...and get yer act together gurl...we got a show to do!

touch me here to learn more about this opulant event

well...time fer me to make my video fer the show...so kindly get off my dress!











Monday, March 11, 2013

gurlz gone wild

no...i'm not here try'n to promote this doucherary king

she's been called many many things over the years...from assasin of youth...Mary Jane...Indiana hay...Texas tea...ghanja...grass...giggle smoke...puff'n the magic dragon...reefer madness...to...

but this 4/20...the only thing gett'n high...will be the heels!
welcome to the 6th annual "APRIL SHOWERS bring BITCH FLOWERS"

Saturday April 20th 2013 @ Varsity Theater

starr'n yer hostess with almost the mostess...
BITCH FLOWERS

dirty gurl of the Minne-Apple and....
unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of her own universe...KRYSTAL KLEER

boss of burlesque and mc beauty from beyond...
FOXY TANN

include'n special guest and America's Got Talent alumni...
Mrs. Smith

and all the way from the Big-Apple fer her 1st time in the Minne-Apple...
the lovely and internationally talented SHERRY VINE

choreographed eye candy provided by...

to keep the euphoria goin' all nite long...
the spinn'n sensastions of DJ RICO

doors open at 7:30pm
$20 @ door
$15 in advance online
$10 with student ID or in drag
VIP package of 4 $100 (includes swag bag of goodies)
$30 ea. additional guest
also includes meet and greet with Sherry Vine after the show...presale only

order online at : www.varsitytheater.org

a chunk of change will benefit...

sponsored by...



trust me...this is a show you don't wanna miss...
and even if you think the show is goin in the crapper...well...don't you worry about it kittens...cuz with the Varsity's newly remodeled art deco his and her luxurious crappers...wiill be an experience worth the price of admission alone...cuz you'll be doin a #1 or #2 in complete instagram style...think of the show as just a free gift with purchase if you will!

so flash yer cash and dash to the biggest bash to kick off the spring season...
fer thee nite that will take you H-I-G-H-E-R than you've ever been before...


check it out on FACEBOOK (but between you and me and my universe...it's the same crap without all the fancy photo's)

now press yer best...and get off my dress!