Monday, September 24, 2012

hut 1...hut 2...take a hike

most people who are aware of my interests...know that sport'n most of my extra curricular late nite callers...are at the bottom...of my list!

i was always picked last when choose'n sides at any school sport'n event...
it felt like i was climb'n aboard the train to Auschwitz every time...

cuz my own teammates would turn on me if the other side scored on my watch...include'n my coach at the catholic school i was forced to attend
(save the "awwww's" kittens...i survived)

i never really understood the whole teeth grind'n...donkey punch'n...maniac enthusiasm that took over everytime when the whistle was blown...
turn'n the entire crowd and the team into a rabid savage beast from below!

the punts and grunts...grabb'n for each others balls between their meaty thighs...
 with all that huff'n and puff'n back and forth action til you can barely stand...

 and all that towel snapp'n...ass slapp'n action in the communal showers after each winn'n game...

i never really grasped the full scale of that concept...*scratch record*
 until now!

yes...i can admit i am a fair weathered fan...if our state team makes it to the finals...i'll jump on board...just cuz i'm bored...but the only way i'll be pick'n players fer my fantasy football if they're part of mine
 (you may insert huge evil grin now!)

football especially has always been known as an aggressive...meat and potatoes...all american sport'n event fer the non homosexuals...
 that essentially pisses off a bunch of non sports minded people try'n to take the freeway home as an easy access when leave'n their latest "touchdown"

don't get me wrong...non heterosexuals watch it as well...
 but it's mainly fer all the sweaty man on man pig piles...and how they would treat those hard to remove grass stains from their tights!

i am even pseudo friends with a famous non heterosexual line backer

they've always been there's just more widely received now then it was back in the "good ol' days" and they've become champions in my mind...fer speak'n they're mind

case in point...recently...Raven's linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo

then this religious doosh rag...elected official from Maryland comes out and speaks his mind and blasts the NFL and Brendon fer speak'n his mind...

thankfully...the hotness known as Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe

i told you this would be a HUGE play off this season...and looks like Chris just punted the winn'n touchdown fer the team and fer equal rights fer all!

i rarely say NO to anything...but this i know...VOTE NO! this november...
or get off my dress!

ps...have you gotten yer gear ready to go CAMP'n soon?

Monday, September 17, 2012

the QUEEN and ME!

remember that musical from the 1950's...the King and I
well...i have been more partial to the QUEEN's fer some reason myself

there have been many many many queens through-out the land...

there's yer Queen of the British Monarch

the Queen of Mean Spirited Hysterics

the Queen of the Honey Makers

the Queens of the hot Australian Desert

the Queen of Hearts with her tasty tarts

and then of course...there was these guys

but there's only one QUEEN that is the fiercest in the land...
                                  and that's MADONNA...bitch!

after 25 years outta the the Land of 10,000 Lakes anyways...
the QUEEN will FINALLY be make'n her triumphant return to St Paul, MN
(i mean really's like the 2nd come'n...fer christ sakes!)

Saturday November 3rd and Sunday November 4th in downtown St. Paul

to help welcome the QUEEN back to the land of 10,000 lakes with
 her 100,000+ fans

yer fav-o-rit unintentionally internationally unknown performing illusionist of her own universe...and dirty gurl of the Minne-Apple..

will be host'n fer one nite only (due to budget cuts in my piggy bank)


490 North Robert Street, Saint Paul, MN
(651) 292-1844 

Friday November 2nd @ 8pm
21+ w/ID
$5 cover

MADONNA's smash single "Turn Up The Radio" giveaways...and other
completely fabulous goodies to give away to you kittens while supplies last

enjoy a complete nite of nothing but pure unaltered...unsalted...insane...

hear all of the QUEEN'S #1 hitz and remixes all nite long...
by the spinn'n sensations of  DJ David Birchard

from her 1st smash hit "EVERYBODY"

to her 43rd smash hit  "TURN UP THE RADIO"

taken from her billboard smash 12th #1 studio album out now

MADONNA specialty cocktails and shots served thru-out the nite

performance by yer host KRYSTAL KLEER

dress as yer fav-o-rit MADONNA look from the past 30 years and enter to win fabulous MADONNA prizes in the "MADONNA DRAG RACE"

sponsored by :

and stick around til mid-nite fer the grand prize draw'n for 2...
(you must be present to win)

whether you come "touched for the very first time"

or  "desperately seeking susan"

if you wanna "feel like a queen on a throne"

or "Greta Garbo and Monroe...Dietrich and DiMaggio"

perhaps you wanna "put yer hands all over my body"

maybe you'll feel "frozen...when your heart is broken"

or maybe you feel like a "zephyr in the sky at night"

perhaps you feel like "nothing takes the past away like the future"

or just wanna "dance with my baby"

maybe you think "time goes by so slowly"

or perhaps "you're not half the man you think you are"

or maybe you "got no boundaries and no limits"

perhaps you wanna "get fired up like a smokin' gun"

or simply just wanna "turn up the radio"

anyway you wear it...a nite of "M" has somethin' fer everyone to enjoy...
which one will you be?

or fer any blind mice out there unable to read this...

dress to impress...and remember...get off my dress!