Monday, October 15, 2018

sound WAVES!

though spooktober is my all time fav-o-rit time of the year when the MN
hillsides turn into an explosion of rich colors of red gold and...well not so much green...but hey i hadda tie in BOY somehow kittens...why not!
since CULTURE CLUB's new array of musical melodies from their latest album "LIFE" drops in just a few short weeks on the 26th which is thee perfecto treat fer all the snot nose trickers come'n fer hand-outs this hallows eve...think of it as yer personal duty to help curve the cavity's and diabetic epidemic plague'n the country...so fuck the mini snickers and stock up on "LIFE" and check out their latest video of their smash reggae-infused hit single "LET SOMEBODY LOVE YOU"...and though the US leg of their tour is finished...my kittens across the ocean are in fer a treat...so grab tix to their beyond brilliant show here

there's an old say'n that someone apparently said years ago...that when 
the big one happens (and no i ain't talk'n about THAT BIG ONE pervie...well...not today anyways) 

now where was i?...oh yeah...when the BIG ONE actually does happens...
the only thing that will survive...will be cockroaches...and CHER!
it's only fitt'n that CHER would once again rise up like a absofuckinglutely fantabulucious phoenix fer us flamers (and all you johnny-come-lately's)...and release her fuck'n 26th album "DANCING QUEEN"...completely chocked full of all the ABBA gems i grew up with
and of course...she wouldn't be the 72 year old goddess she is...without follow'n it up with yet  ANOTHER...(i ain't mad at that!) that i'm sure soon to be...sold out tour...so snap yer tix up here before it's too late

and though we sane people with morals and a mind of our own are 
hope'n fer a tsunami of blue waves this NOV 6...it can't happen unless you register to vote and remove the repulse repuglicunts from the house and senate...so register and vote...click here fer all the poll'n places in yer area

i always save the best fer last (who don't?) and this was actually by a  
pure unsalted accident the other day at work...search'n fer my next mental break down music
when i ran an equally important sorta wave from across the pond...Britain's living dead doll songstress HEATHER BARON-GRACIE from the indy pop band
i was 1st completely gobsmacked silly with my new years eve anthem from them...appropriately titled "NEW YEARS EVE"
so of course i hadda frantically hunt down A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G they had out there visually...and luckily...my 2nd fav jam from them is "HEAVENLY"...which it completely is...i swear to CHER!
if yer look'n fer the perfect life support song fer yer on-the-rocks relationship mixed cd? then "ONE MORE TIME" is the perfect last chance to dance tune
are you an emo without a clue how to appreciate them...play 'em "KISS" without say'n a word and they'll understand
what schizophrenic doesn't hear "NOISES"
suicidal tendencies finally have an anthem just fer them with "MY OBSESSION" that everyone can enjoy
Betty Ford beauties try to believe "THERE'S A HONEY" fer them besides jim beam
when 2 become 1 with"THE TIDE"
"TELEVISION ROMANCE" has absolutely NOTHING to do with the kankersoredashians!
and though a video was never released (yet)...grab a box of kleenex when you listen to 

i was BEYOND thrilled to find out that they're actually gonna be in my
sister city sat nov. 24th in St Paul MN @ the Amsterdam bar...so i immediately grabbed tix...get yer here's if you haven't yet...or catch em a few times on the road...you'll be glad you did!
so however you acquire yer musical catalog these days...just do it...pick up their brilliant fuck'n ear candy "MY MIND MAKES NOISES" out now

now get off my dress!

Monday, October 8, 2018

SPLAT!

we're only weeks away til those dead among us come back to walk the
earth once again...thus...the season of the stalkers has finally begun...and lemme tell ya...me & my dearest friend Peetrinella are like 2 pumpkins in a patch...well...cuz she made out like a bandit last xmas & bday with her h-weenie displays i hadda sell my soul (along with about half of my dignity) just to keep her tap dance'n til the snow starts to blanket the ground and she can put up her gargantuan xmas displays that took the other half of my dignity over the years...though here's hope'n next friday's release of the new HALLOWEEN...spun from the cult classic...to finish off the series 
ain't fucked up like all those of the recent past remakes...fuck'n with my fav-o-rit holiday of the year and turn'n it into a can of less than stellar steamy meh! soup!
though apparently...yer cult status as a scream goddess doesn't pay to cling onto these days...when you can loose yer shit by buy'n stock in activia...just ask Jamie!

when it comes to stalkers i've always considered myself a pretty pacifist...
you fuck with me...and i will pass a fist...to yer face...and it ain't gonna be pretty...KAPEESH!...i mean...have you ever tried pick'n up yer teeth with broken fingers?...well...verbally speak'n of course...i don't need'a break a nail over yer bullshit!
BUTT sometimes...you gotta pull out the big guns!

so late one early nite...after a difficult day at the park...just try'na come up with enough coinage fer a caffeinated beverage...i headed back to my shit 
box to settle down fer an even'n with an Alice marathon...why not!...with cool cucumber slices on my eyes to calm down the baggage i had been carry'n under my eyes after a visit earlier from my neighborhood "gynecologist" who informed me that my onychophogy was back and was not feel'n that great in the end
there was a still chill in the nite air as the sun was take'n a nose dive behind the horizon...and i was without my emergency shawl...so i started pick'n up my pace while pick'n up my ass from scrape'n on the sidewalk...wait...who am i kidd'n...my suppley smooth A double snakes doesn't need a bungee chord just yet...my 48 years young tush is so tight...i can practically turn coal into diamels with one squeeze 
(hey...i'm not that delusional)
with only the mate'n calls of the corner STD's drown'n out the chaos of the city...i could feel the hairs on my chiny chin chin stand at attention as it felt like i was no longer the stalker...but the stalkee
up ahead i could see the corner of my apartment build'n thru the bushes and knew it was best if i didn't look back as to cause any sorta confrontation...just ignore the world behind you and move on...but the sounds were gett'n louder and louder with each nervous step
finally reach'n the back door of my build'n and felt a sigh of exhausted relief come over me...much like my last mistake a week earlier...and as i fumbled thru my keys like Schneider try'na get a sneaky peak of Barbara and Julie runn'n around the apartment in their b-day suits while Anne was at the office...from outta the bushes i was cornered and had no where to go...so i decided to stand my ground and defend myself the best way i knew how 
oh trust me...it was goin down...PREDATOR vs the TERMINATOR
they waited til i was all alone with no one in sight...to make their move...and they apparently knew there'd be no one at that particular moment outside of my shit box...almost as if they had stalked out my place fer weeks on end...follow'n my every nite moves...from pick-up to pick-up...park'n lot to park'n lot...look'n fer the perfect time to pounce on me
though they threw the 1st punch...i made sure not to let them think they had any sorta chance in hell of ever come'n outta this alive...
this was my vietnam moment!

just when i thought i only hadda deal with just the one of these pain in the neck asswipes...5 seconds later a whole damn army of fucktwats decided to join in and started take'n shots at me...a couple to my arms and 1 deep one to the left side of my neck...big fuck'n deal i thought to myself...i've had worse happen to me back in the day...i just didn't want any to the face
well cuz i have'a show come'n up this h-weenie in Winona, MN...and as any true artist out there knows...there's no cover up to cover that shit up!

luckily fer me...i was able to throw in a few good punches i learned from 
the gals in the type'n pool...they weren't expect'n me to fight back like i did...3 or 4 hit the ground hard but they were come'n outta the wood work all around me...and i'm not gonna lie...i was gett'n way too tired to put up with this shit!...are you kidd'n me?...it's 2018...i just wanted to relax with some Alice and the gals at the diner...i thought i was completely done try'na defend'n myself with this sorta bullshit after all these years!

i was cornered like our mentally deranged lie'n sack of pig shit in a room...
 all alone with Mueller...i seriously didn't know if i'd ever get outta this alive
plenty of blood was gonna be shed before the nite was over...i was sure of that...and i was sure as shit gonna make sure it wasn't mine!

i was never one to let anyone get in the last word...and tonite would be
 no exception...FUCK'N PUNKS!!!
they started this whole damn mess but i was gonna be the one to finish it!
i don't care what A-N-Y-O-N-E says...these assholes deserved the death penalty fer what they did to me that nite...those damn mosquitoes ARE NOT yer friend...PERIOD!

now get off my dress!

Monday, October 1, 2018

the blame game

my very fav spooktacular series ever is AMERICAN HORROR STORIES
with ASYLUM...season 2...make'n my all time fav-o-rit top spot...who cannot luv Jessica Lange's mentally unstably disturbed lyp-sync'n performance of the "name game" with her fellow inmates...she could sink any cookie cutter dime store queen lyp-sync'n fer their last supper on that other show

though that was just 1 season of insanity where certain women were not
rape or attempted rape include'n molestation...is a very personal and a  
very private situation for the victim alone...who feels completely alone...with statistically only 2% of rapes that are actually reported that turn out to be false accusations...statistics can only say so much fer those that are actually reported...and even when they are reported it is barely believed or mostly shrugged off as some sadistic "boys will be boys" attitude when it comes to school aged kids...cuz society favors the adults version of events over the child's...so why would a victim...especially a child...feel any sort of believability factor when the odds are already conditionally stacked against them?


there are films available where rape and molestation are sensationalized 
by hollyweird...that are packed full of an oscar nominated cast of characters...fer the general public to go on some sorta unbelievable emotional roller coaster fer a few hours...but make no mistake...it happens every day...and it does not end after a few hours fer those who've experienced it...nor do they expect to walk away with any sort of oscar nomination!
i mean...it went on fer years with a large portion of the catholick church...with pay offs and relocations...all the way up the chain to to the vatican

have you ever laid on yer stomach prop'n yer over sized melon head up
with yer hands...in yer smurf pajamas...watch'n the latest MTV videos in heavy rotation...late one nite in the summer of 1984...as yer family lay scattered thru-out the house like comatosed corpses...and all of a sudden...you hear a knock at the front door...
pissed that you have to unglue yer eyes from the 1st ever top 20 video countdown on MTV with Mark Goodman...to answer the damn door...you jump up to see who it is
only to find out it's an outta town relation...so you let them in and resume back to yer position and back to the much anticipated countdown in hopes yer fav-o-rit artist makes it to the top spot...until said relation starts annoy'n you as they try to make small talk...while use'n yer body as their own personal beanbag while give'n you a back massage
as their sausage like fingers turn you into a living lullaby dance'n across yer back side in a slow meticulous waltz...you try and muster the strength to keep at least one eye open to see who finally made it to the top of the countdown...but realize to resist is completely futile and you soon submit to the sensations...that is...until you feel the sooth'n sensations finally head'n too far south as they start knock knock knock'n at yer barn door and you immediately get up without say'n a word...
run up the steps and force yerself to count sheep while drift'n off to the soothin' sounds of the Ratt's "out of the cellar" cassette that you got as one of yer selections from sign'n up to yer aunt's Columbia House cassette club...where you could get 12 hot hits fer just a cool penny...with a chance to get 2 more free...once you've managed to mortgage yer teen aged life away and sell'n yer soul along with yer paper route save'ns to corporate america
the 1st time you muster up the strength to tell an authority figure outside of yer surround'n...yer immediately told that becuz of yer "inclinations"...that it wasn't anything to worry about cuz you probably just interpreted it all wrong (insert "boys will be boys" mentality here)...so you bury yerself back to yer bedroom...blare'n yer music and start build'n a fantasy world by turn'n yerself into some sorta kabuki klown fer years and years...unable to trust anyone around you...wonder'n why you even exist after bein' told over and over it wouldn't matter cuz yer not to be believed due to yer appearance

yer told by many teachers and preachers who tell you to learn to "fit in"...
even though they don't teach the others to "just get along"...so how do you when you have to deal with bullies and bitches on a daily basis?
luckily...eventually you find a flock that takes you in...and gives you a voice!

unless it happens to you personally...especially when yer just come'n into
 yerself and what yer taught grow'n up...you will never know how it affects yer life...yer work...yer relationships...yer interactions with others...sure you may find small pockets in life to block out the experience...by change'n names...change places...change'n appearances...but at the most unsuspect'n moments when yer left alone...yer left to deal with it on yer own

2 exams by professional doctors years later...once in my 20's & 30's...
turned into gynecological exams...without gloves...that i knew at that point i would never trust another doctor to ever exam me again...well...unless it was a role play situation happen'n
(hey humor helps me deal...so deal with it!)

they say that soup may be good fer the soul...but spill'n it ain't easy...
cuz sometimes it burns!

there is no time limit...even if time still marches on... moments never fade!
now get off my dress!