Monday, January 29, 2018

Oh brother...what art thou think'n?

we have all tried to make our mark in the world at some point or another
whether it be topp'n the charts...all while model'n poly blends from TEMPO in the 70's 
or perhaps bein' the Van Gogh for the sexual pleasures of try'n to dip into the perfect shade of pink in the 80's
or me become'n a drug bunny fer the government...for all men with erectile dysfunction over the age of 40 that owe an enormous pat on my back in the 90's

of course no other job will leave an everlast'n impression on the world
than when you are the head honcho in the oval'n as hard as you can fer the kittens around country that voted fer them....from OBAMA make'n history as the 1st non caucasian make'n nice twice in the WHITE HOUSE...(there is no BUSH in this line up...well...cuz like my own...i've removed it from my life completely) CLINTON bein the only prez since tricky Dick to give us a surplus...REAGAN give'n us his best alzheimerictic act'n...that was "possibly" caused by choke'n down all those yellow #5 jellybeans while in command...while Carter just gave us nuts!

so i happen to run across a random FB post one day about the current 
piece of mentally deranged pigshit disgrace'n the WH and the my feed...who constantly lies...and decided to leave a simple "observation" of what i saw in the picture
yes some could say he just cleared it off fer the photo shoot..while others could say:
well...some known stalker...who deserves his anonymity...(well cuz they're not an unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own myself...and i'm not about to make them any more famous than they already are by appear'n in my world famous blog) decided to question my "observational" comment with a rebuttal...(which i suggest you should not do)
problem #1: start'n off by say'n yer not a "fan as a person"...while try'n to decipher the obvious "observational" joke that i had planted fer all to see for FB eternity...shows INTENT to justify yer support/justification for said pigshit...plain and simple (it's unavoidable)
problem #2: typical repuglicant response by try'n to "deflect" from the main topic by rope'n in a CLINTON...ahhh...of course the ol' deflect and distract game...hmmmm sounds like a tactic we've heard many times before?
gold leader to red leader...stay on target!
i would rather stick tooth picks under my toe nails than continue waste'n ANYMORE time try'n to justify this persons buffoonery
i will not even bother try'n to decipher what or who he's reffer'n to with said rebuttal...instead of a true virgo that i am...hadda have the last informative word...(well...i do)
unfortunately i fergot to screen shoot my entire response to this obvious antagonizer...cuz i was try'n see how many hook-ups were in need of a fuckable offense instead of have'n to deal with a rebuttal to said "observational" joke post...but basically i ended with "cuz if you know ANYONE mentioned from above and are still try'n to justify A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G our mentally deranged piece of pigshit has done or said to mentioned above...whether you voted for him or are bein' complacent and part of the obvious problem"...well...apparently i struck a nerve... 
oh kittens...someone needs a refresher course in arguably justify'n get this WORKED UP over a silly lil FB post...yer bein' a bit...
it's so very...i must say...
BUTT...i digress
by now it was time to finish this completely moronic conversation cuz i knew by my next 6 words(with an emoji on the side) i had weaved a big enough web (since i was draw'n a blank fer this weeks hard hitt'n blogness anyways)...that this gullible bug was gonna breakdown any minute and struggle to break free
and trust me...the struggle was R-E-A-L...
wow!...someone put on their smarty britches and ate a bowl of the BIGLIEST words fer breakfast...
i was lost on the matzo ball/Hitler connection...but hey...that's his analogy...good fer you...did you also know... 
"the sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side?"...of course by now...said responder was all butt hurt...and decided to lick his wounds and carry on about his day...
by throw'n up the white flag with a backhanded compliment...oh well...i did my best to hide his anonymity...but fer the purpose of historical proportions...i DO NOT edit ANYONE's response so i can stay true to the facts as a tough as acrylic nails trust worthy around the bring you the stories you deserve (almost every monday) that'll brighten up yer otherwise dismally depress'n day

so i went on my merry lil way to meet my future offend'n...
perpetrate'n throat plunge'n penetrator

now get off my dress!

Monday, January 22, 2018

rehashed trash on a stick!

if you were me...and luckily fer me...yer not (THANK CHER!)
we all remember the many trials...tribulations and tawdry nites that one sassy brassy bee-hived beauty and 5 time VFW jitterbug champion Miss Florence Jean Castleberry (who was my all time fav i just hafta say) had endured as a glamorous food delivery technician...along with her cohorts
Alice...Vera...Belle and Jolene...while work'n at that greasy spoon Mel's Diner in Phoenix, Arizona...from the mid 70's to the mid 80's on the hit tv series "Alice"
which was based on the Scorsese dramedy flick from 1974 (that no one under the age of 50 even remembers...sorry Martin) based on a widowed woman and her preteen pimple parade trudge'n across country to restart her dimly lit spotlight career that she gave up years earlier and ended up sling'n hash browns and ho downs

then of course there was thee all time classic cosmic cult film...
"THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW" (that was born from the stage production) in the mid 70's that has held it's title as thee most brilliantly fiction...double feature...EVER made in the history of cult musicals
that is until 40 some years later...when it got mercilessly slaughter like Jeffery Dahmers a bunch of PC pricks that turned out this atrociously nauseate'n piece of eye sore'n patheticness fer the tv viewer...and don't even get me started on the blood curdle'n...chalk board scratch'n...kill'n the neighbors cat "music"...seriously...i just can't!

if you were a gen X'er outcast...(like me) you were root'n fer Veronica & JD
an outsider and an honor make their fascination last ferever...(or at least until the end of the trilogy...that thankfully never happened) everyone was strung out with line after line from the movie...much like a hooker is to heroin...dare'n to ask the question "fuck me gently with a i look like mother theresa?" to "did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? from the cult classroom classic "HEATHERS" (which also had a decent stage production run fer 4 some years)
the new generation of whatever letter they were at the the equivalent of spam on rye with "MEAN GIRLS"...which was a d-e-c-e-n-t tribute to it's predecessor i can admit (which of course hadda be milked to it to followed suit to the stage...that premiered last year) FINE!...i can let this one slide since the title wasn't Pam Anderson's STD's (oh come on...don't even try to come at me with yer claws kittens...i read ALL about it in the STAR!)

but as i was make'n my sacrificial meatloaf offer'n to the porcelain god... 
the other day at work...i came across a trailer fer the beyond vomitous remake of my teen age angst years...bein' basturdized into a tv spin-off by just change'n the actors...and PC'n them up...i totally wouldn'ta had have a prob with this concept...if they just CHANGE THE FUCK'N TITLE and the characters names...and pretty much all the ripped off dialogue from the original!
may i suggest call'n it "WTF?" instead...or how about "OPEN YER MOUTH & LET US TAKE A STEAMY PILE OF POO DOWN YER THROAT!"
here me out...YES...i'm at least glad to hear HEATHER DUKE is part of this project at the very least...after all that BS she went thru gett'n booted from that famous zip code...then goin thru issues with her dirty pillows and all the past couple of years
but after putt'n on my Angela Lansbury cap...i found out they wanna redo another of 'merica's classic the original family of fright...
cuz what?...sadomasochism makes fer great tv?

just like they did deep fry'n the series about a single outspoken 
tough as nails broad and her 2 brats that made it on their own terms...on the 70's hit "ONE DAY AT A TIME"
by turn'n it into a craptastic cuban nightmare fer the PC paraders
why not just call it...oh i don't know...
"PAPITAS NOT NEEDED...justa shot of CUERVO on the side"
and call it a damn day!

didn't they learn anything when the CW tried to desperately milk from...
the gigantic tit machine of NEW YORK...with this colostomy bag prequel...
that ended in a catastrophic cancellation by season 2...first off...CARRIE would'a never had the bank account to wear anything off the runways of fashion week in New York during the 80's...cuz she was too busy work'n at Benetton durin' the week after school...just fer the discount on all the latest swatch watches and was also a part time cashier at the Orange Julius on the weekends...she would'a been an awkward teen walk'n down the aisles of Woolworths fer the latest Star Hits and Teen Beat magazine...worry'n about bad calories and boy crushes...
and she did that ALREADY...IN THE 80's!
can these lazy ass hollyweird "writers" (and i use that term as loose as i used my x's plump prolapsed A double snakes) not think of A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G original anymore?...i mean really "sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens"...(and that IS NOT a direct quote...but don't quote me on that)

i only got ONE thing to say to all these catastrophic cankersourus reboots
now get off my dress!

Tuesday, January 16, 2018


the one hit wondrous band from the early mid 1980's...ANIMOTION
penny loafered hand bag Calvin made both dick weeds and douche hags marinate in his putrid fluff since the 80's
and anyone with a tv tray and a swanson dinner that included a beautifully displayed hot cherry compote fer dessert was C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y obsessed with who shot Major Anthony Nelson dur'in the 1980's
of course the only thing that i was obsessed with in the 80's was all about...
the BOY and the QUEEN
(of's calmed down over the years mind you...but nothin' ain't change'n with that anytime put that in yer FYI files and smoke it!)
but fer a moment in time...this past sunday...somehow i was obsessed...
NO...obsessed is too simple and obtuse of a word to grasp the full concept of my presence that even'n...i couldn't believe the presence of our lil purple paisley one...who chose to sit...all alone...under a cherry moon...oh...and block the Saints when he could...NO NO...
i was POSSESSED like a shark to a bucket of chum...durin' the last 20 seconds of the Vikes vs Saints game...i can't even explain how it all happened...cuz trust me...the only time i'm watch'n a group of guys in tights...sweat'n like a bunch of banshee's on barbiturates...grabb'n fer each others balls... get the picture kittens!  
but the BIGLIEST...most obsessed O-B-S-E-S-S-I-O-N-I-S-T of all time...
hmmmm...perhaps Fuckface Von Clownstick outta obsess more about other things like:
i don't know...maybe Puerto Rico...which the Fraudster of Fifth Avenue gave himself a 10 outta 10 fer his administrations response...even though there are still millions without the basic electricity and accessories

 or maybe this mentally deranged Adolph Twitler piece of dinosaur dung outta think about help'n the nation out...AS A WHOLE...
and perhaps bein' less of a fucktwat that's obsessed with use'n all his characters on TWITTER every 30 seconds...(which we all know is highly impossible fer this barbequed brutus) while make'n his daily big mac meatloaf offer'n to the porcelain god
to make his pointless point...that just make him sound more like a modern day Nelly cunt ruffle anyways
thankfully there's people like Anna to set the record straight

now get off my dress!