Monday, July 27, 2015

our LADY of RAPTUROUS DEBAUCHERY

though i was brought up irish/catholic…
i've only stayed loyal to the irish part every march 17th

the voodoo i was once so happy to be part of as a teenaged alter boy

that i use to follow word for word so i could collect my wings...
and hang out with those…as i was taught in loose terms…who've taken the express elevator to the castle in the clouds…that i think about from time to time

my dad and my 2nd youngest brother Sean

my oldest brother Jim...

my grama’s Lorraine…

and Viola

my uncle’s Eugene...

Mike...

and Ed

my aunt’s Laura...

and Pat

and my good friend Bridget who taught me to never forget

the only 2 famous people whom i've never met personally…but on some odd level…felt i had a strange emotional tie to their existence…was Marilyn
who has always been a fascination of mine since high school

and Princess Diana…who captured the essence of what i thought was the ideal mother

all of their candles burned out...way before their memory ever will!

i can recall the lessons i was taught from the powers that be and certain school teachers in catholic school i was attending at the time…did not match the “practice what you preach” philosophy that they so expected us to follow as grow'n teenage jezebels

there was this one priest that used to come to our house on occasion…

i was about 13 at the time…and was always excited when he…or any adult for that matter…came to the house for a visit cuz it was a chance to take a
break from my 5 brothers and 1 sister…(my youngest brother Mike was make'n a call to nature i believe when this shot was taken by my cuz Tony)

he would check in on how the gang was doin...though during the holiday season...me and all my sibs would get embarrassed as H-E-double hockey stix when he would bring a bunch of his church zombies by with canned goods and boxed food and make us all sing x-mas carols in our kitchen...
and after they all had left...we would turn into rabid mongrels...sift'n thru the bag of goodies fer anything that had the most calcium carbonate and corn syrup

but one particular visit changed everything!

my walls were adorned molested by BOY GEORGEness in every nook and cranny...known'n full well we had ALOT in common as non heterosexuals
i FINALLY had someone to relate to and look up to...that i knew back then...that i wasn't the ONLY freek with these "feelings"...but...it would also haunt me fer the rest of my life (ummm insert laugh here)

the catholic school i was forced to attend fer a few unfortunate years...
frowned upon you if you had ANY role model that would make yer tingly parts feel like sky rockets in flight...(when yer not buy'n into all that bible bullshit)…and i'm sure things haven't changed much since then

i never saw BOY GEORGE as a sexual desire or some "bow down" delusional entity (though many thought so at the time)…he just gave me a
sense of bein' who i was...was OK...plus he had a great style...is a lyrical genius and one helluva soulful voice...who sang from experience and not from a puppet string!

so anyways…i remember show'n the priest my photo book of my fav-o-rit pix of the BOY that i had collected and had cryogenically sealed in saran wrap and had laser precision death beams guard'n it so they wouldn't be
molested by any of my sibling's jelly fingers…and almost immediately when i opened the book…this priest said without skipp'n a beat (or turn'n the page any further) "G*D does not want YOU to follow and worship people like this"...and that IS almost a direct quote!

apparently...this priest had a direct connection with CASPER in the clouds
almost instantaneously upon lay'n his eyes on the BOY
(wish my cell provider was that fast!)

hmmm…those corny phrases like "thou shall not judge"
in particular...stuck out in my mind immediately…

since that was one of the many lessons i was taught from school to church
but they no longer applied apparently if you were a famous person with creative expression

without bore'n and break'n down the hypocrisy on any and all organized...
 religions...that milk you outta yer benjamins...so they can buy a bentley...believe what you wanna believe…i am not here to tell you any different

but don't try and force feed me yer voodoo if you can't practice it yerself!
cuz when ya break them all down…they're basically say'n…just be nice to everyone!

well everyone with the exception of...
murders...

pedophiles…

pimps…

loud mouth orangutans...

mental twats...

and republicants!

that’s what the judicial system is for!

i've never claimed to be any sorta sanctimonious saint...
i just try to be nice to everyone...until i'm given a good reason to go ape shit on yer A double snakes!

we ALL hate being judged...YET...we ALL judge any chance we can get!

we ALL want to feel needed...YET...we ALL are too needy!

WE ALL WANT SOMETHIN' to believe in…
so i say keep yer heels high...

and yer expectations low!

this concludes today's sermon...now get off my dress!

Monday, July 20, 2015

flaxen appetite

i stepped off the greyhound...and decided to conquer the Minne-Apple...
as my new stomp'n grounds...away from all the misery and contempt that i had so become accustomed to fer many many a day in my hometown 25 years ago


and a lil woman from the midwest would conquer the world of music...
by redefine'n the concert goers experience with the most sexually provocative...religiously controversial and unbelievably spectacular theatrical production ever seen on live stage
the QUEEN of the dance floor set the bar way beyond belief...when she rolled out her "BLOND AMBITION TOUR" fer 3 sold out shows at the Wembley Stadium in London...25 years ago this week (it began in april earlier that year in Japan fer those history buffs stumped at trivial pursuit)
with costumes created by famed french haute couture legend Jean Paul Gaultier...it was a perfect match made in those pillowy hotels in the sky

originally title the "LIKE A PRAYER WORLD TOUR" sponsored by Pepsi...
it soon changed to the "BLOND AMBITION TOUR"...thanx in part to the release of her "LIKE A PRAYER" video...portray'n a sacrilegiously sexual siren Sofia Loren...cause'n a commotion amongst the sexually repressed CASPER crusaders in the south...threat'n to boycott the company from further fund'n their fat tired lazy asses with their product if they didn't drop the QUEEN as their spokesmodel...so of course M pulled the ultimate Joan Crawford and got the last laugh...

the performance was broken down into 5 eye popp'n segments from:
metropolis
religious
dick tracy
art deco
encore

though the QUEEN has been a champion fer freedom of expression...

then once again...the QUEEN would endure another back hand sammich...
when stopp'n in the fascist state of Toronto (well...at the time anyways)
when it was reported that the show contained lewd and obscene content...the QUEEN was threatened with arrest if she performed the simulated masturbation scene durin' her brilliantly reworked version of
"like a virgin"...she said she would rather cancel the show than alter it....needless to say...the po-po left without incident...and the QUEEN was all over the papers the next day

of course the QUEEN couldn't have pulled off the greatest show on earth...
without the hard work and dedication of her back singers Nikki Harris and Donna Delory and dancers Juis Gutierez...Luis Camacho...Oliver Crumes...Kevin Stea...Gabriel Trupin...Carlton Wilborn and Salim "SLAM" Gauwloos...who recently reflected on their experience work'n for the most famous woman in the world with the biggest show on the planet
hailed as an "elaborately choreographed...sexually provocative extravaganza" and  "the best tour of 1990's" by Rolling Stone magazine...(when they were actually a credible music magazine)...the BLOND AMBITION TOUR would end up gross'n over 62 million benjamins
and became the most watched televised special in HBO's 18 year history...seen by over 4 million kittens

every aspect of the tour would be documented by a very brilliant...
 cameraman Alek Kesheshian who would end up edit'n down over 200 hours and release it as a full length feature film titled...
give'n it "2 thumps up..one of the most entertaining films of the year" by the late Roger Ebert...the documentary would give the world a front row seat to behind the scenes and up close and personal insight of the most famous woman in the universe 
which was beyond brilliantly spoofed by the greatest comedic actress ever to grace Mtv... Julie Brown with her release "MEDUSA: DARE TO BE TRUTHFUL"...Medusa's rendition of "like a virgin" is an absolute spot on scream

with her current tour "REBEL HEART TOUR" already in rehearsal mode...

fer those kittens lucky enough to be in the Minne-Apple area...
i...thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe KRYSTAL KLEER...will be  pay'n homage to the QUEEN by host'n the "ICONIC: REBEL HEART PARTY" sat. oct 3rd @ Saloon...stay tuned fer further deets come'n soon to this blog site and all social media outlets

now get off my dress