Monday, January 25, 2016

one MOORE time

i was never much of a documentary fanatic viewer back in the day…
outside of thee spectacularly insightful insight into one of the most famous and agrueably thee most musically entertain'n women of the last 100 years in
political views and socialistic opinions gave me indigestion...
plus...i never had any reason or desire to cast my vote unless it was for best music video

of course that all changed in 2003…at my friend Peetrinella's Oscar party…
when we hadda pick the winner fer an unwarranted category in my opinion...well cuz "TRUTH OR DARE" wasn't nominated after all...instead a fairly unknown documentaryist...(and documented fan in M's follow-up documentary "I'M GOING TO TELL YOU A SECRET") well in my circles anyways...won for best documentary

Peetrinella told me i would love this movie as much as she did…
she had me under her spell...and immediately i was obsessed...(very few people have pin pointed my crave'ns like Peetrinella has) so i called in sick the next day and stopped by the local blockbuster store to rent the movie (i did the same when the 1st 3 seasons of the "SEX AND THE CITY" series came out on dvd again thanx to Peetrinella's recommendations)

it's been 7 years since this master mind...gave us a piece of his mind with

but Michael's brilliance will FINALLY be back this feb 12th...
with his highly anticipated...brilliantly brave masterpiece... 
this time around Michael not only proves the illusion is just a chaotic confusion we've been fed fer years...but it's a "sprawl'n didactic polemic wittily disguised as a European travelogue" or at least that's what some writer fer the New York Times said

wonder'n what to get yer sweetheart this valentine's day?
fuck the chocolates that'll just end up give'n em that ever so popular cottage cheese ass over time or the shitty jewellery that they'll just trade in at the closest pawn shop fer the latest used iphone...instead...give em a history lesson you can both call'n in sick and have'n yerself a MICHEAL MOORE marathon by check'n out his other older jems like...


also check out his lil known tv series "THE AWFUL TRUTH"

before take'n yer husband/wife/fuckbud/secretary/out-a-towner/polianna pole puffer to see his latest eye opener 

there are those kittens who say that he twists the truth for his own agenda...
but hate to point out the fact…SO DO YOU!

Michael's rhetoric is refresh'n and his "spin" is complete slap stick on the
saccharinated speeches almost every polictical figure out there wants you to believe this political they can have control...with just enough of his undeniable truth syrup that most don't wanna hear!

now get off my dress!

Tuesday, January 19, 2016


to tell you the truth…this is my least fav-o-rit muscle group to work on when 
sweat'n it out in whoreville the gym...sure it's the core that keeps you together and in good posture…

and many out there would probably feel much better about themselves if they could achieve…at the very least…less baggage to carry around their waistline

we've been conditioned and fixated on achieve'n that merely impossible photochopped perfectional abs of steel...thanx to market'n gimmicks and undergarment ads fer years

tell'n us that we can go from flab…

to fab…in mere minutes a day…by simply loose'n yer lunch and doin like a million sit-ups 

yea…reality check!…the only people able to devote this sorta time and effort...are narcissistically untouchable mr. bubble models

and equally unbelievabley sizzle'n werewolves

no time to make it to the gym? problem!
corporations have been invent'n ways to cheat the heat of a work-out regime to get that toned torso ever since the early 16th century…see kittens...even a creepy middled aged pygmy man in a shirley temple wig and hosiery can look incredibly attractive with one of these suckers on

i say…that's a crock of shit!

you wanna get that simple…easily attainable ab work-out on the comfort of yer own couch without all those messy power drinks or clunky roll out gyms? can always spend yer money on one of these dust collectors...
but Jane Fonda will have nothing to do with this production

fer truly professional results...all you need to do is rewatch the drunken overtures and drug addicted antics of the best british comedy ever…

then get ready fer the event of the summer...with the release of...

starr'n Jennifer Saunders as the incredibly vivacious...pill popp’n...Lacroix obsessed...high profile international PR guru and not so fabuless mother...
Edwina Monsoon who changed her name to "Edina" but known also as "Eddy"...who is always hopelessly cling'n onto her youth and beauty by try'n whatever bizzare fad she can get her hands onto...while sipp'n the sauce...and the occasional chemical enhancements to get thru the day

and Joanne Lumley as the chain smoke'n...coke sniff’n...drunken magazine editor...harlet and former glamour model and beehived beauty...
Eurydice Colette Clytemnestra Dido Bathsheba Rabelais Patricia Cocteau Stone known also as "Patsy" or "Pats" for ex Bond girl and Eddy's schoolmate and best friend...enabler and codependent to Eddy's additions

together their boozy bitch slaps are like a warm hug on a cold winters nite
and will keep ya cacklin' like crazy til the cows come home...and break down yer belly fat like a bush fire on a hot summer's nite

with Julia Sawalha as Eddy's simply dressed...level headed daughter
Saffron...also known as "Saffy"..."sweety da'ling"...or "bitch troll from hell" Patsy so affectionately refers to her...Saffy is the voice of reason making her overly serious and a bit bitter towards her mother and Patsy's close friendship on a constant basis and always comes second fiddle to her brother Serge...who is only seen in 1 episode but spoken thru-out the series

and June Whitfield as Eddy's mother and sort of surrogate mother to Patsy
also known as "old woman" by Eddy..."gran" by Saffy and "Mrs. M" by Patsy...she's despised by Eddy but loved by Saffy and has a bit of a kleptomaniac personality regard'n Eddy's household items that disappear from time to time only to end up at some charity shop

Jane Horrocks as Eddy's spastic bird brain personal office assistant
Bubbles...with her thick northern british accent and completely bizarre sense of style and her uncanny ability to forget names of simple objects or understand basic concepts...her main function is simply to flatter Eddy's vanity by comparison

Jane also doubles as Bubble's look-a-like and cheeky cousin...Katy Grin
she's a slick but aggressive and arrogant television presenter who shows
no real affection for anyone and gleefully throws out bitchy backhanded compliments when she gets the chance

Christopher Eddy's 2nd husband and father to Eddy's son Serge
Marshall Turtle has his ups and downs thru-out the series as a hollywood playboy and movie producer...
turned television evangelist and a bit child like and submissive when he marries his authoritarian american wife Bo

for you history buffs out there...Christopher was college con artist and group leader from another earlier and equally hilarious 80's british comedy
as Mike "the cool person" who never involved himself in the drama of his other flatmates and constantly said cheap and usless puns that made no sense

these boozey brauds spew out the best lines with fierceness and forceness
turn'n yer mid section into a sleeky and saucy silhouette...(with the lights out of course)

some of Eddy's (and my fav-o-rit)...most memorable quotes :
"cancel my crystal organic hairdresser...and see if i can be re-birthed next thursday afternoon"

"oh...don't be so stupid...smoke can't get in there darling...smoke can't touch the baby...if it could you'd have come out looking like prosciutto...believe me"

"god! i am...your mother...poised for your first sexual experience and night after night...dry bloody sheets!...i'm sorry darling...but i don't want a little moustached virgin for a do something about it!"

some of Patsy's (and my fav-o-rit) most memorable quotes...
"one snap of my fingers and i can raise hemlines so high the world's your gynaecologist"

"the last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic"

"just when my life hit a good patch...along you miserable piece of should've ended up in the dust bin...the incinerator was too good for know when i heard that Eddy was pregnant...i told her to abort! abort! abort! abort!...i said chuck it down the pan...bring me a knitting needle!"

their seething social commentary with a hint of blatant bitterness for the beautiful and young...climax'n into ironic down pours of brassy humor...

old and new fans will completely appreciate the poetic pleasantries of these 2 middle aged drunken dames from across the pond like an old friend that you'll wanna watch over and over again and never tire of

if...after remind'n decide you can't or won't get their humor...
pack up yer piss poor personality and pooch...get off yer couch...
and get off my dress!

Monday, January 11, 2016


who really doesn't like to go out and have a good time...
every now and then?
though i'm pretty sure a good time should not end with bein' pissed off...
or on...well unless that's yer thing

i'm not gonna name names…cuz this could've applied to any one of us really that have experienced situations of despair/regret/sadness/loath'n to any addiction of a family member…a friend…an x (not in any particular order) due to some sorta physical....emotional....mental...substance abuse or plain fuck'n laziness reason'n

i know there were plenty of times i thought i had control of my 21+ beverage of choice…and had made numerous bad decisions…that luckily…suffered no casualties to anyone except my own stupidity one nite years back
(actual photo taken by a professional correctional facility photographer...and i have to admit...though sorta a very hot photo...i'd much rather have my photographs taken on the me...florescent light'n rarely is yer friend)

one day i woke up and made the decision to learn from my mistake...
and change any future outcomes of said nite

from turn'n into a massive mistake

i never considered myself dependant of any harmful "crutch"

and cloth'n are pretty much my drugs of choice

and the only one gett'n hurt there is my piggy bank...
but i'm learn'n to deal with that one step at a time!

i've always been a social drinker…

though there have been times in the past…that i knew i was being a bit TOO social at times...but in my own defense i am irish...
so let it go!

i rarely have stock of any alcoholic beverages in my humble shitbox...
x-cept when entertain'n guests…and all that is not gone by parties end…is given away as a part'n gift by choice cuz i know i have an addictive personality as it is

i've see how out-of-control people in general can get…
and fer the most part are just out to have a good time...and i'm a pretty easy goin guy

BUTT…(H-E-L-L-O d-i-n-n-e-r)

recently...i unfortunately had front row seats to a social butterfly...
who i've known fer a while now...go from a fun party person…

to a complete parody…when they mistook my sleep'n bed...
 as their own personal flower bed and decided to water the garden the back of my smurf pj's at 5 am one morn'n all depends on how you wanna look at the situation...
some might say...well incontinence is just a temporary inconvenience...but fuck it!...this was MY fantasy land that ended with NO happy ferry tail in the end...if you wanted to cum...then you should'a at least come prepared

much like an unplanned pregnancy...i just want this to all go away...
but unfortunately...a coat hanger will not cure this now i'm stuck with that vinegar stain to remind me i should'a just listened to Nancy in the 80's and said "JUST SAY NO!"
UGGGGGGGGGGGGH! get off my dress!