Monday, June 25, 2012

evolution or revolution?

we here at the orafices of GET OFF MY DRESS INC...are rarely surprised

we...(that's ME)... know when to hold em...know when to fold em...
know when to walk away...and certainly...know when to run!

we pride ourselves on our extensive back break'n research that pulls no punches and points no fingers when showcase'n our non opinionated opinions into write'n our journalistic stories that move the masses on their asses!

see...wha ha happen wuz...i was digg'n thru the trash can's...
at some downtown 25 cent movie theater...while scrubb'n down the walls...

when i came across this crumpled up meemo from the orafices of
            Jan R.van Lohuizen...prezzie of voter consumer research inc

(ok maybe it didn't happen that way exactly...but HEY...i'm tell'n the story!)

i know what yer think'n this the same Jan R. van Lohuizen dooshy rag pole positioner...who worked on that other dooshery...G.Dubaya's 2004 unfortunate re-election campaign...
encourage'n his  republic*nts to vote against any and all things regard'n the rights for all non heterosexuals?

well if yer nodd'n yer knogg' in an up and motion...i'm here to tell ya...IT IS!

apparently Miss Jan Van 2012 is now try'n to sway his republic*nts in the gay direction...all in the name fer  votes fer their lil party this novem

OH NO...NOT becuz he feels remorse or anything like that from what his actions were a few years back...but cuz he thinks it'll help ol' Mitt out in the poles...regard'n his and his other republic*nts stance on non heterosexual marriage

Miss J acknowledges that public support of  non heterosexual marriage and equal rights for LGBT kittens is gett'n as fast as a hooker at a hootenanny hoe-down...and the republic*nts should really think about gett'n on board...
before they're thrown overboard!

so...without further ado...X-tra all about his suggestions...

From:    Jan R. van Lohuizen
Date:     05/11/12
Re:        Same Sex Marriage
Background:    in view of this week’s news on the same sex marriage issue, here is a summary of recent survey findings on same sex marriage:
  1. Support for same sex marriage has been growing and in the last few years support has grown at an accelerated rate with no sign of slowing down.   A review of public polling shows that up to 2009 support for gay marriage increased at a rate of 1% a year.  Starting in 2010 the change in the level of support  accelerated to 5% a year.  The most recent public polling shows supporters of gay marriage outnumber opponents by a margin of roughly 10% (for instance: NBC / WSJ poll in February / March: support 49%, oppose 40%).
  1. The increase in support is taking place among all partisan groups.   While more Democrats support gay marriage than Republicans, support levels among Republicans are increasing over time.  The same is true of age: younger people support same sex marriage more often than older people, but the trends show that all age groups are rethinking their position.
  1. Polling conducted among Republicans show that majorities of Republicans and Republican leaning voters support extending basic legal protections to gays and lesbians.  These include majority Republican support for:
  2. Protecting gays and lesbians against being fired for reasons of sexual orientation
  3. Protections against bullying and harassment
  4. Repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.
  5. Right to visit partners in hospitals
  6. Protecting partners against loss of home in case of severe medical emergencies or death
  7. Legal protection in some form for gay couples whether it be same sex marriage or domestic partnership (only 29% of Republicans oppose legal recognition in any form).
Recommendation:        A statement reflecting recent developments on this issue along the following lines:
“People who believe in equality under the law as a fundamental principle, as I do, will agree that this principle extends to gay and lesbian couples; gay and lesbian couples should not face discrimination and their relationship should be protected under the law.  People who disagree on the fundamental nature of marriage can agree, at the same time, that gays and lesbians  should receive essential rights and protections such as hospital visitation, adoption rights, and health and death benefits.
Follow up to questions about affirmative action:   “This is not about giving anyone extra protections or privileges, this is about making sure that everyone – regardless of sexual orientation – is provided the same protections against discrimination that you and I enjoy.”
Why public attitudes might be changing:  “As more people have become aware of friends and family members who are gay, attitudes have begun to shift at an accelerated pace.   This is not about a generational shift in attitudes, this is about people changing their thinking as they recognize their friends and family members who are gay or lesbian.” 
Conservative fundamentals:       “As people who promote personal responsibility, family values, commitment and stability, and emphasize freedom and limited government we have to recognize that freedom means freedom for everyone.  This includes the freedom to decide how you live and to enter into relationships of your choosing, the freedom to live without excessive interference of the regulatory force of government."

is it me? or does this meemo smell like cynical batshit?

i suppose evolution never happened over nite...

but i don't expect to see Paul Revere trott'n thru town anytime soon

doin a good deed...does not go unrewarded...but don't expect me to bite the bait just yet...if yer try'n to change fer the's about time...if yer doin' it just fer the votes...then ya might as well just get off my dress!

Monday, June 18, 2012

more refried crap on toast?...thanx!

i have gone without tv since the beginn'n of the new century...
oh i have a tv...but what i mean by that is...i have not taken one penny outta my hard earned purse to pay fer television programm'n...cuz fer the past 12's just been all refried crap on toast...simply put!

since i've moved back on my very own 2 years ago...(hopefully fer the last time)...i've had ZERO desire to waste my fun money on the brainmush that they...the television corporate toads...serve to you on a daily basis
ever since the cancellation of original mellow drama "Melrose Place" in 1999

don't get me wrong...there still are some talented writers in hollyweird that can come up with an original concept program that makes sense and keeps the attention deficet disorder crowd like myself interested...BUT...thanx to the genius that decided to release tv on dvd...i no longer have to be told what purchase i need to make me happy or what drug to take as long as i'm mentally incapable of make'n my own decisive decisions fer myself
(yes...i f*ck'n hate commercials)

plus...most nightly programm'n these days is "reality" tv...which is made to turn yer think'n cap into marmalade preserves...which i have NO interest in!

now where was i...oh huge shows i can watch on repeat over and over that are worthy of my attention are...
                                                     drum roll pleez....

in the comedy category :

"HOT IN CLEVELAND"...starr'n the last beloved "Golden Girl" Betty White
also starr'n "One Day At A Time" alumni Valerie Bertinelli..."Frasier" famer Jane Leeves and "Just Shoot Me" former supermodel Wendie Malick

in the dramady category:

Mary-Louise Parker in "WEEDS" and Edie Flaco in "NURSE JACKIE"

in the suspenseful drama series...a 3 way (my fav-o-rit guilty pleasure) tie:

60's cocktail hour hit "MAD MEN"...oh so sexy serial killer "DEXTER"...

and the hot blood suckers and deliscious werewolves of "TRUE BLOOD"

and in the over rated but entertain'n "reality" fluff category:

the bitchy housewives of maybelline county on "RuPaul's Drag Race"
(hey it's all in the name of research kittens...nothing more than that!)

remake's in movie's are a point...whether it be that technology wasn't there at the time...or try'n to relate it to the current generational gap as concepts and societal situations change dramatically during a decade

case in point : The Amittyville Horror" in 1979
the original was scary as hell...gave me the chills when i would watch it in the dark...and James Brolin (at the time) was complete grrrrravey train!

but "The Amittyville Horror" remake in 2005
was much more freakier as Ryan Reynolds...
MEEEE-OUCH!(Ryan...if you read can call me anytime...i'm listed)

but...this can also be a complete f*ck'n i'm not even gonna start with the greatest sci-fi master piece of all time that was retouched
if you were born after 1997...and seen the "enhanced" version of this re-released master piece classic...sit down and SHUT the F*CK UP....OK!

though some movies deserved and desperately needed a makeover...this has never really transended that well when done on the small screen

case in point:

Linda Carter as 70's super hero sex kitten "Wonder Woman"...sizzle'n
Adrianne Palicki as the new sex bomb crime fighter?...yea right!...the only thing they got right with this remake is that is was a BOMB! didn't even make it outta the pilot premier stalls...the hair was as limp as as my last date...(hasn't that hairdresser heard of back-comb'n and aqua net?) and the $2 super hooker look?...just looked like a huge dolup of refried crap!

70's detective babes...Farrah...Jacquline and Kate of "Charlie's Angels"
have nothing to worry about with refried crappers Annie...Minka and Rachael of 2011...from ever steal'n their thunder...since these detectives were canned after only 4 shiteous's a hint...just cuz ya try and make it into a united colors of benetton ad...doesn't mean it'll work

besides...NO ONE will ever replace this ashy blonde feather flipper
                                          so don't even try to!

"love...exciting and new...come aboard...we're expecting you"...and we were when originally "The LOVE BOAT" set sails back in 1977 until 1986
the remake LOVE BOAT:the next wave...felt the same fate of the Titanic after only one can't make refried crap float!

that hairy hotness known as the HOFF and his cool car KIT in "Knight Rider"
raced at high speeds fer 4 successful years...til the HOFF turned in his car keys fer a flotation device...but the remake in 2008 with Justin Bruening as the HOFF's estranged son...though a plausible concept...crashed after just one season...cuz it was just too much refried crap for anyone to care again

from 1992 til 1999...i wanted to live no where else but at "Melrose Place"
though some original cast members...Michael and Sydney...might've roped in some nostalgic viewers with the new would luckily only last one season...and the reason for 1 season...2 words : ASHLEE SIMPSON!
total refried crap-o-la on toast...did the writers not see her SNL failure?

and how can you not LOVE the original family of fright...."the Munsters"
Herman...Lily...Grampa...Eddie and Marilyn (which i got to meet Grampa...
Eddie...and Marilyn in Anoka back in 2003 on a halloween hayride) were the epitome of the friendly family of freaks...but the remake crappily titled "Munsters Today" that came out in 1988 and unfortunately lasted 3 seasons... was THEE worst of all remakes ever made...this new family was not freaky friendly at all...but more like a debbie downer syndrome parade of "who cares" actors

recently i found if they didn't learn from any of the past mistakes of original series...NBC wants to reboot the "the Munsters" yet again...into an hour long show...that has less to do with the original campiness that won the hearts of millions in the 1960's thru today...and make it a more darker and edgier drama series...WOW!...really?

(say...can you smell that?...smells like...ummm...refried crap again don't it?)

who ever said that 3 times a charm...LIED!

and here's who they have slated fer the recast'n into this crappy remake
Ferris Bueller's best friend Herman and some other washed up the rest of the "who cares" cast

and as Herman's bride Lily's Ellen's wife Portia de Rossi
though i loves me some Portia...i just ain't buy'n it!

*UPDATE*...since i 1st start'n research'n this story...HERMAN has changed hands and is now being played by "stand by me" hottie Jerry O'Connell
and though i loves me some Jerry...i'm still'll be just another huge pile of refried crap on toast!


quit make'n my beloved television programm'n into refried crap on toast...

and ps...come bitch with BITCH this sunday @ 7...i'll be there sell'n her refried crap...say hey and buy some stuff!

Monday, June 11, 2012

back hand sammich anyone?

there are many times in life when we say somethin' we don't really mean...
but we say it order to keep the order

whether it's to congradulate a couple on their new born...
even though you think it looks like some intergalactic regergitation

to give yer best to yer best friend who just married the love of their life...
right after you just finished grind'n into the groom during the rinse cycle

or wish a speedy recovery to a long lost relative you've rarely ever visited...
and then pay a visit to some voodoo priestess in new orleans once you find out yer the sole heir

so recently...the BULLSHIT sorry...i mean the BULLSEYE CO.
hit their support arrow a bit left of center by shamelessly milk'n a non profit profitable non heterosexual class of people with their crappy tee designs to help clean up their image from the shit storm they created by throw'n $150g's to anti non hetero loser Tom Emmer's bid fer governor 2 yrs ago

let's go back in time....deedle doo...deedle doo...deedle doo

at the time...the BULLSEYE said that they were tied to Emmer's positions when it comes to "creating a positive environment for business and not on his personal stance" with regards to non heterosexuals

drrrrr...positive environment for biz? what?...send'n a message to yer LGBT workers and shoppers and those that support LGBT equal rights...
that you can take money from bullies as long as you give yerself a home lobotomy first!

let's fast forward to 2 years later...

BULLSEYE PR monkey Molly Snyder's saccrinated response...
"over the past year, we heard from our team members and guests that they'd like to see an assortment of Pride merchandise available at Target"

apparently they think this is suppose to show their FULL support for the non heterosexual community 2 years long as you own a computer

(hmmm...since these crapolicious tee's only available online)

that's like any religious regime say'n...we love ALL g*d's children...we just detest the one's who obviously chose to be persecuted and taunted on a daily basis by the fairytales we believe that "spook" in the clouds wants us to believe in!

ps...if you were REALLY serious about move'n mo' product...
perhaps ya should'a came to me first fer the design work!

if they REALLY wanted to show their support and not worry about some
million (a couple of thousand) mom boycott or some religious backlash...
(cuz trust me...those demented pompous assh*les live fer this shit!)
they would sell their shiteous tee's in their stores to maximize their donations and not seem like their hide'n from some bully try'n to steal their lunch money

mind you...fer finacial reasons...i pick the lesser of 2 evils and refuse to drop my hard earned pennies at wally don't certain kittens out there point their paws at me fer not stand'n up against the machine...cuz really...i could put you in the poor house myself if i inventoried everything you have in yer house

i'm merely point'n out a simple fact that the many big wig teeter totter when it comes to fatt'n their piggy bank...and will do their best to try and like anyone will'n to throw money their is...
after all...THE AMERICAN WAY!

so put yer money to a good cause....and get off my dress!

pps...and if yer a Molly Snyder or BULLSEYE fan and were offended by ANYTHING i said in today's ramblin's...neither are close friends of get a life and GET OFF MY DRESS!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Feast On This!

ahhh...the hot summer is just around the corner...

the birds are sing'n their fav-o-rit morn'n song...

the flowers are bloom'n like no one's business...

the hills are alive with the sound of music...

must mean it's time fer BITCH to be pollinate'n her PRIDE from the rooftops

that's right's time again...fer the 5th annual BITCH~N~BRUNCH
hosted by the one and only BITCH FLOWERS

at SEVEN in downtown minne-apple fer the 40th annual PRIDE parade
                        SEVEN SUSHI  ULTRALOUNGE and SKYBAR
                               700 Hennepin Avenue Downtown Mpls

Sunday June 24th
doors open @ 9:30 am til 3:00 pm

$30 all-u-can-eat buffet w/free cocktail
$5 off w/PRIDE button
(buttons sold @ Saloon...Chambers...Hennepin Theater Trust)
proceeds go to the PRIDE Committee
$10 w/out buffet

with special guest spinn'n sensations...all the way back from Cali
                                                       DJ SHIEK

the PRIDE parade will be simulcast throughout SEVEN on flat screen tv's to enjoy for those who don't wanna  brave the elements...or don't wanna deal with the hustle and bustle of the downtown chaos during the parade route
(or fer you GRINDR/SCRUFF freaks out ya a better chance to meet yer meat...without all that extra meat try'n to horn in on yer territory!)

tickets can be purchased at SEVEN SUSHI ULTRALOUNGE and SKYBAR on Sunday June 24th get there early 'cuz it sells out quickly

whether yer non hetero...non homo...on the fence or in the closet...the
BITCH~N~BRUNCH has somethin' fer the whole entire family to enjoy...
                       no matter what yer family is entirely made up of!

so bring yer lil kittens...without their mittens...(fer jimminy's gonna be hot out) fer the hottest spot along the parade route Sunday June 24th...and show us yer PRIDE...have a lil brunch...while ya bitch with BITCH!

the beautiful graphix brought to you by the one and only FAEDRE BLUE
need some work done?...FAEDRE does everything from bridal showers to bar FAEDRE at of BITCH FLOWERS by the ever impressionistic Mattress Fever...that's me of course!

C U @ 7...and remember...PUHLEEZ...get off my dress!