Monday, July 30, 2012

cock-a-doodle don't play that!

remember that lil folk story about that rooster named Henny Penny who believed the world was comin' to an end...and ran around cluck'n...
"the sky is fall'n!..the sky is fall'n!"

well...fer some out there in this cher fersake'n world...IT IS!

so presimental entrepreneurial bible beat'n businessman
Dan Cathy

decided to come out against those come'n out and want'n to change their "G*D's" warped interpretation of "traditional family" and "traditional marriage" speak'n on behalf of his entire corporation's stance with regards to the non existent non heterosexual agenda regard'n their unnaturally born life...basically say'n

"Well, guilty as charged."

it amazes me when these bible beaters talk about the "biblical definition of the family" it consists of a husband...a wife and their 2.5 kids your book of fairytales...a family consists of one man...200 wives...100 concubines and many many loud mouthed shit shorts...
and you'd trade yer girls to the highest bidder for the right amount of goats

as presimental of his corporation...he can do and say what he choose's...
fine...but i just don't get the whole fascination to his kamikaze mission he's sett'n his future business on...
what? boldly go where no non homosexual belief system has gone before?

well...that's just completely asinine of biblical proportions!

since 1946 when his dad started the business...they've stuck to their "belief" system...not open on sundays and sacrifice'n live chickens in deep fryers on a daily basis to feed the masses...just like the J-man would do (that is...if he were around durin' the 20th century...and ummm...of course REAL!)

and ain't it a bit of an be throw'n money to causes that promote hate to a minority group...while supposedly live'n by the the biblical words he so relies on that say to love thy brother?

while Cathy has voiced his opinions on this heated matter...his affiliates don't share the same train of thought...or don't they?

their PR firm has tried to slow the shit storm Cathy created ...

i'll admit i've never even heard of this company before all this uproar...and upon further research...found that there are only 2 in existence in the land of 10,000 lakes...and though i'm no huge fan of deep fried fun anymore...
Chick-Fil-A's latest commercial might make me change my mind...NOT!

but luckily...certain prominent people have stood up against this chicken coop...spew'n it's anti non heterosexual poop to the presses

Boston mayor Thomas M. Menino ain't have it...
followed by other cities who are feel'n disenfranchised by yer franchises' political the Windy City and City of Brotherly Love

*update* the ink has barely had time to dry and 2 more mayors have declared this chicken awful...our nation's capital and that rice-a-roni treat

Kermit and his gang have had enough of the their chicken shit

and even this loveable fuzzable family of wildlife...
are try'n to distance themselves from spread'n one man's opinion to the masses

but just when ya think the chicken shit wouldn't hit the fan...
in comes frothy fecal sweater vester Santorum and his sideache Huck

in this years far out right winged failed presimental couple's comedy about 2 losers look'n fer love...a chicken sammich...and their love of fairy tales...
just try'n to stay an irrelevant

lemme save ya the admission price and just tell ya how it ends...Santorum ends up sell'n his collection of sweater vests to the highest bidder on
eBay to pay fer his shame...and ol Huck gets caught mistakenly use'n his poli grip as lubrication at a KFC in Sheboygan Iowa

has-been-nice-not-know'n-ya moose huntress to the wanna-be stars Palin
even tried to put up a road block to all the backlash that the Chick was gett'n by tweet'n a pic of her...only to get l00 lashes from a Pink tune

so with that...i leave you with this kittens...

when one person believes in a delusion it's called psychosis...when many people believe in the same's called religion!
practice what you preach...before you preach what you don't practice!

now i've got some non homogenized deep fried f*ckers to flip if you don't mind...puhleez get off my dress!

Monday, July 23, 2012

an odd couple

remember that song from the yester years of sesame street that you can't get outta yer head until you hear the entire talked about racial purity...self indulgence and the separation of free thinkers and pod people?
"one of these things is not like the of these things just doesn't belong..."

so many things make zero sense to

why does the teacher grade yer school papers...from A B C D to F
                                what the hell is the problem with E?

why does Ke$ha hafta look like a drunk Debbie Gibson?

what the f-u-c-k is really the purpose of cursive write'n?

why is it called a pair of pants...when it's only one pant?

why do they call it fun size candy?...what's so fun about gett'n less candy?

why is it called chicken fingers...when chickens have no fingers?

i mean...i personally am no fan of cilantro....i'm totally convinced it's the work of devil...but i completely get that it doesn't mean that salsa is a controlled substance

recently GOProud...or as i so affectionately refer to them as "insufficiently neglected wanna-be str8 act'n and appear'n non heterosexual pariahs...with a chip on their shoulder the size of Sarah Palin's ego"...became smitten with this attractive look'n moron...
                                         oops...i mean mormon

they want their tax cuts and hope and pray that one day they'll get treated like normal human beings by the bigoted really is too bad that they focus more on money instead of  their own civil liberties...
              i mean many pairs of Prada do you really need?

so it's no surprise then that they decided to endorse Mitt Romney as their choice fer the presidential orifice come this fall
which i'm pretty sure has somethin' to do with that fact that he's sport'n those "magic panties" that's all all the UTAH!

i'm sorry...but even "magic panties" can't escape skid marks! (i'll spare you visuals fer that one)

GOProud's beliefs are simple...EVERYONE should be equal under the law!

fer argument sakes...let's ferget about Mitt's views of his non heterosexual votes fer a minute and deal with just good ol' Mitt's work ethics...on this...of many future blogs i'll feel compelled to blog about before the november 6th release of the much anticipated movie of the year
                                                i'll be bock!

today's story begins with the letter B and the letter C

Bain Capital...which was once run by ol' Mitt runn'n fer the big white orifice...
which incidentally shares the same name as the popular villain in the 3rd installment of the Dark Knight series...(ps...this blog was written before the tragedy in don't take offense to the reference)...but anywho'zll i know how some people play the association game when vote'n...and fer some non heterosexuals...Bain will ever be associated with bulge'n muscles in the vote'n booth fer them

though the BAIN company has some es'plain'n to do...
                       i  think Jon Stewart sums it up pretty good here

so Romney's old company Bain Capital...owned alot of food on the table companies in the US range'n from child care to pizza...and durin' his reign as chief slug...though ol' Romster did his best to put food on the tables for some...he collected a pretty penny when they didn't

and now Romney wants to remove all taxes on the foreign profits of U.S. companies...give'n US companies more reason to close up shop in the US and finally take that much needed  vacation drink'n margarita's by the sea

that helps WHO exactly?

seriously GOProud...what is it then you are REALLY proud of with this guy?

and now back to the program...

on an oxymoron note...fer those non heterosexuals work'n hard to help Romney get elected this fall...YOU really DON'T deserve to get ALL yer'n fer someone who openly expresses his disdain for you and your naturally born non heterosexual life is not only absolutely is an open and shut case of self-loathing and self-bigoted nonsense

yer create'n somethin' that will blow up in yer non heterosexual face
and there ain't no amount of plastic surgery that will fix it...well unless yer in the 1%

the only believable odd ones...were these 2 look'n fellers
and the only thing that was odd fer them back in the 1970's was the fact that they wasted the court systems time gett'n married just to divorce from unhappy marriages to finally be happy with one another

now get off my dress!

Monday, July 16, 2012

a GROWING PAIN in the ass

picture it....the year

1 gallon of petro cost $1.09 

the compact disk was born...kill'n the cassette

an American-French expedition finds the ship that made that French-Canadian song go on and on and ON...12 years later 

Madonna was "CRAZY FOR YOU"

and Tina Turner didn't need another hero at the box office

a bunch of these artists were sing'n fer Africa's supper

while Meryl Streep and Robert Redford were try'n to get "Out of Africa"

the F.D.A gave the A O.K fer the 1st A.I.D.S test'n

and tv's Mike Seavers...was a teen's shower masturbatory heartthrob...
at least once a week

growing up with GROWING PAINS was one thing...
but turn'n into a GROWING PAIN in the ass...totally different

let me explain!

so a while back...Kirk Cameron (who incidentally...was born only 45 days after me in the same year...not that that has anything to do with this story...just a  lil worthless piece of information for you to hold onto)
went from a non believe'n teenage heart throb... to a not so hot any more born again A double snake hole and wanted the show...he was the star of at the reflect his beliefs mentalness...and that the story lines need not have anything "racy" or "adult" in them...which i believe was the down fall of an already annoy'nly crappy saccrinated show to begin with anyways

we only tuned in weekly to see him flash his pearly whites and his tight ass showcased in the latest painted on acid wash girbaud's...that we would so have given our left nut for a pair mr. come-all-ye-faithful-pea-podders Cameron
is now the new spokesmodel  for N.O.M...and we never even get to see him compete in a bath'n suit competition...damn it all to H-E-double hockey sticks!

short fer...Need Other Mythologically-based-moron-thinkers

 run by this non cock-suck'n cock sucker Brian Brown

now i know certain kittens out there read'n this...think i'm bein' a meanie and unsympathetic to an already self proclaimed unsympathetic preacher of discrimination...but i am not try'n to give you some home lobotomy speech

though i have no problem with Kirk voice'n his opinion about what he thinks...he has his platform and i have MINE!

that's why i've always said we all need somethin' to believe
                       "keep yer heels high and yer expectations low"

the problem i have with Kirk and N.O.M and certain selected political figures and non anal-anal retentive home lobotomized religious that they think society and civilization in general  is held together by family between a man and a woman...just cuz some delusional entity said so in some alleged journal that they choose to decipher what they deemed the definitive "word of G*D" and how society must flourish by

try'n to "define" a commitment ceremony from some mythological fairy tale that holds almost zero credibility water with today's standard of live'n...or written in some reference just so laughable...when basically in the last 50 least almost 50% of marriages have come to be "defined" as a lotto fer now...instead of love ferever since the divorce rate in america alone is spiral'n into a kamikaze fashion

and putt'n a religious crusade behind the definition is absurd...say'n a traditional family consist'n of both mother and father is the core that keeps a family together...HA!
there's more tradition that holds fruitcake together...and who in the hell wants to eat that all year?

so what they're say'n basically is...anyone that IS NOT of this "formula" not of HIS flock!

flock that!

thankfully and fortunately...Kirk's...along with N.O.M's and certain political figures...and we musent ferget about the non anal-anal retentive home lobotomized religious zealots way of think'n is become'n more and more
                        like the Guadeloupe burrowing owl...EXTINCT!

and thanx to its leader...even Brian Brown himself...who once was just as outspoken about keep'n marriage exclusive to man/woman love...changed his mind to show even he has thought about his exclusive club membership
(ps...this IS NOT photochopped...this is his club's actual ad campaign)

now maybe someone should have informed Mr. Brown the significance of the mean'n "MO" (presumably his definition of "Mo" meant to be the newest hip textable version fer momentum)...perhaps!

or maybe Mr. Brown was just finally come'n to terms with himself

we'll never with that...i leave you with this kittens

today's television heart throbs...may someday try and rob you of yer think twice before being taken in by some cheeky grin or tight ass...and puhleez...get off my dress!

Monday, July 9, 2012

take it off!

since last weeks episode was a voyeuristic view about boobage fer my non homosexual and lezbitronic kittens...i figered i needed to balance it out fer all my non heterosexual and female enjoy!

when my dear dear friend  had her train tracks removed from her mouth almost 20 years ago...i thought...what a better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than make'n her the center of attention fer all the pain and suffer'n she suffered with that monstrous metallic bondage practically choke'n off her love life over the last couple of years prior...and what better way to wash away the humiliation than hire'n a stripper to ferget all about it
                                                        and i did!

i was in the process of flipp'n thru and make'n arrangements fer a male exotic dancer at the gym i was work'n the time...when the security guard over heard my conversations and offered to be my stripper...
he was 100% pure beef...and he said he would do it fer no money...but i make sure no one works fer i said he hadda be my date as to not let it slip to the crowd that there would be a stripper come'n

me and her roomie at the time put together a lil party...invited about 20 guests to their humble apt to celebrate the release of her brace face...
the roomie was to make sure they had singles in their purse/wallets

the crowd had both non heterosexual and non homosexual men and everyone was to be blown away... whether they liked it or not!

as the party was an hour into the show...we set out a chair in the middle of the live'n room and blindfolded the guest of honor and as the crowd gathered in a circle...the cacklin' happened almost IMMEDIATELY...
                                       and then the music began!

my "date" slowly and seductively slipped outta his snappy date uniform...all the way down...reveal'n his very engorged thong to Prince's song "get off"...
                                                     why not!

and he did the moves that would frighten fish...the crowd fer the most part was totally titillated...the non homosexual males...maybe not so much...but they played along fer their girlfriends sake so they'd get some later on

was she uncomfortable?...perhaps!...was she grateful?...hell yea! could here her cackle from miles away...she was completed shocked...but completely honored to be the center of it all...and at the very least...she could finally give head to the best of her abilities without make'n the guy feel like he was being attacked by a cheese grater!

fer my friend's 40th a while back...i was asked by said friend's husband...
if a male stripper would be an appropriate surprise fer her...i mean...40 is some sorta milestone fer a good surprise...the unexpected right?

know'n her fer her lack...or rather...desire to be the center of attention in large crowds...and how her politics plays into certain portions of her life...
                                               i said she'd hate it!

but that's why she NEEDS it!...EVERYONE needs to loose control of their control from time to time...let their defenses down...and just let loose

i stressed he COULD NOT tell her posse...i was not expect'n him to get the stripper fer my voyeuristic intentions...but i knew that it would be the end of the surprise...and though i'm not say'n i wouldn't have 100% enjoyed participate'n in this animalistic ritual.....she needed out of her comfort zone
                   to break down her Gloria Steinem walls fer a change

but he didn't heed my warn'n and slipped his idea to her giddy-up girls and fucked it up fer everyone...and by everyone...i pretty much mean ME!

i was promised they'd make it up and get me one fer my 40th...and like most of the cocktails i drink...i wanted mine with a twist...well...cuz i can!
                                           i wanted a clown stripper!

2 things that sorta nerve me out...not know'n what's gonna happen or who's under all that grease paint...but at the same time...would pull me into a world of unknowningness...which has always been sorta a turn-on to me!

well...needless to say...i'm still wait'n

in the mean time...hollyweird covered my "friends" inabilities to follow thru and came out with "MAGIC MIKE"...which a couple of friendly married mo's took me to over the satisfy my voyeuristic pleasures...
     but i'm here to tell...there would be no pull'n of a rabbit outta this hat!

starr'n 30 somethin' sizzle'n up and cummer....oops...i mean comer...
Channing the entrepreneurial stripper from tampa fl...based on part of his life before he became the O so famous hotness in hip pants...

and i'm here to tell ya kittens... he does some massively smooth...incredibly
delicious dance moves on and off the stage and knows exactly how to get the blood pump'n every where in all the right directions

 a year ago...i read about the cast'n...and have been wait'n anxiously in
 a-n-t-i-c-i-p-a-t-i-o-n fer it's i could inhibitions

but by half way thru this fluff fest flick from the gyration nation...
                           i no longer felt the need to pull a Pee Wee

it's completely full of marshmallow fluff that girls or girlie guys alike will droll over...but nothing THAT innerest'n that you can't wait to see it on's like soft core porn fer lifetime television...and who even watchs that channel anymore besides divorcees...suicidal tendencies...and Markie Post fans?

also starr'n Matt McConaughey as Dallas...the strip club owner
newly out non heterosexual Matt Bomer as Ken...another hot pants remover
loner turned stripper turned druggie burn out...Alex Pettyfur as Adam
and True Blood furbanger Joe Big Dick Richie
who was really the only reason fer me to see this movie to begin with...i kept hear'n online rumors about his tooth chipper showcased in a golden thong

blink and you'll miss it...LITERALLY!..though he's got some very grrrravey train moves on stage...he's barely noticeable in the movie...and the one HUGE scene that was to showcase his oscar meyer wiener...HA! was just a silhouette flopped out behind a lit screen...i was completely ROBBED!
it looked like the same prosthetic used by Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights
(ps...girlie boys...leave yer lube at home)

                         i give this flick 3 1/2 monkey spanks outta 5

a handful of titillate'n eye candy fluff in the buff...but not enough substantial stuff to care enuff to see save yer bills fer the boys at the bar!

now i must re adjust kindly get off my dress!