what a weeks it's been...with the heat index rise'n up like a fickle phoenix
from the proverbial flames make'n it as hot as a hooker at a hootenanny ho-down in Havana...i finally broke down and ran to the $1.25 store and picked up a roll of leftover Lilo and Stitch duct tape from 10 years ago to MacGyver up my air condition'n unit in the live'n room window to give me some much needed relief in my briefs...sweat'n like a banshee in the Bermuda Triangle while listen'n to my Connie Francis 45 collection and thankfully 45 minutes later it was up and runn'n make'n it feel like i was kick'n it down the frozen food section of the Piggly Wiggly in my Holly Hobby flannel nitey with the butt cut out
last time i remember it bein this hot out was when i woke up one morn'n
barely able to see thanx to some overly active Tom of Finland buff puff daddy bouncer in his early late 40's with a loaded throat plunger who i met via the phone lines right after i purchased my 1st set of wheels in my late early 20's who decided to use my mug as target practice and splatter my face like a semi automatic paint ball gun give'n me a bad case of glaucoma or somethin' like that so i immediately popped in the shower then on down to the neighborhood Pearle Necklace Vision to purchase a pair of goggles with detachable windshield wipers fer the next time and it made me think of the recent heated moments reek'n havoc across the country try'na celebrate PRIDE
let's begin with the whole read'n rainbow incident that happened recently
at a public library in the San Francisco Bay area which treated a bunch of kids with their parents to story time by local drag personality PANDA DULCE who's been host'n the event since 2017 when they were rudely interrupted by a parade of anally unfuckable cool ranch dorito maniacs with spermicidal issues try'n to teach the audience what happens to yer brain when you eat too much glittered paste and huff on one too many of those fruit flavored magic markers at an early age
of course leave it to some dick lesion in the sunshine state Tony the teeny weeny Sabatini who's propose'n legislation to basically terminate a parents parental rights if they are caught take'n their own children to a drag show and slap em with a felony...cuz you know...things like gun legislation and vote'n rights issues are peanuts in comparison though it’s probably cuz he's been bitter ever since he was never crowned in the Miss Tight Ass Titty Queen 2015 competition
whether it's cuz these insecure closet cases are beat'n off in a bathtub
full of holy water to their fav-o-rit sonnets from that ancient comic book by CASPER while slurp'n down a big gulp of communal wine or not...these GOP dick nazi's and their unnecessarily barbaric anti-gay bills that they're try'na push into laws across the country WILL NOT automatically turn their little puke buckets into pole dance'n dick lickers or clammy capers just cuz they learn a lil about people like OSCAR...QUENTIN or VIRGINIA
SERIOUSLY...if that's their lame logic then i would'a ended up just like them...yer typical all american schlitz malt liquored pot pie'd prize fight'n ass pimple
after i became a beauty school drop-out!
BUTT there's more...
if you thought that was as painful as purple polka dotted palazzo pants
in Paducah Kentucky...image bein a part of these anally intrigued PROUD BOYS who were recently demasked and demoralized after their pix were published plott'n to "party" at some Idaho PRIDE event
and outed by the Couer d'Alene police along with their names (in case you wanna...you know...FB 'em fer a comment or ask 'em to be yer +1 at the next VFW jitterbug championship try-outs) that was unfortunately foiled by a concerned ferry trapper keeper who caught them all pile'n into the back of a U-haul dressed in khaki's with shin guards and smoke grenades'...
however without a disco ball...a barrel of spermicidal lubrications...personalized fans or any other sorta homosexual irony
though of course now we F-I-N-A-L-L-Y know who is behind all those blank profiles on Grindr!
in cuntclusion...i wish there was a way that we could all just cum together
to celebrate with all those non homosexuals who feel heavily disenfranchised...shunned by society daily and meticulously murdered monthly without any sorta sadistic reprehensible ritualistic repercussions in some savory savoir flaire fashion more than just the 365 days that they already have to celebrate without persecution...however until another day is invented...may i suggest if you ever wanna stop "US" from infiltrate'n yer schools...yer tv shows...yer hair salons...yer over priced restaurants or yer back alley pool halls...perhaps try jamm'n yer junk in a light socket "Jonathan's" and blow'n yer box apart with a bunch of bottle rockets "Bernice's" cuz that's the ONLY way yer ever gonna rid the planet of "US" kittens since it takes 2 of you to make millions of "US"!
HAPPY PRIDE & puhleez Jesus...Mary Kate and Ashley Simpson on a flakey graham cracker crust...GET OFF MY DRESS!
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