began to crumble mountains of control top panties like a controlled explosion within the divorce courts...hollyweird figered out how to capitalize on the chaos with it's new medium of marvelous mayhem by expose'n everyone's trysts...tirades and titillations on the television date'n series aptly titled "THE DATING GAME" with host JIM LANGE that pitted 3 horny toads (sometimes polygamists...sometimes serial killers) who vied fer the affection on the other side of a rotate'n wall molested in rubbermaid bathtub daisy decals by answer'n 3 pathetically judgemental questions from some desperado desperately die'n fer a dalliance every other day of the week
by the time that the 1980's rolled around with it's high shoulders and even
higher expectations...the date'n dystopia became even more dreadful with host CHUCK WOOLERY separate'n the sexes via a tv screen inside the tv screen cover'n the stage with tacky candy heart cut-outs on the lame series "LOVE CONNECTION" where wannabe casanova's carried on conversations about their wannabe suiters big hair...big bank accounts or their big boobs
when the 1990's had finally begun...i completely tuned myself out of all
the lame tv hook-up connections with the birth of the phone-line hook-ups (much to the chagrin of my dear friend Peetrinella) though i would frequently tune into the sassy and seriously delusional catastrophic series hosted by loud mouthed cankersore CHRIS HARDWICK and playboy junkie JENNY MACARTHY on Mtv's answer to untapped venereal diseases "SINGLED OUT" strictly fer comic relief when i wasn't gett'n any "relief" by some renegade romeo
BUTT...it never ends
once the ball had dropped on the new millennium...the date'n dumpsters
had set themselves on a ferocious fire with shows filled with blubbery botoxed high-lighted boob jobs and pampered plausible deniability dreamboat pricks with the nauseate'n series "THE BACHELOR" and "THE BACHLORETTE" have'n almost 50 vomitous seasons between them...though non heterosexual cock-suckers everywhere finally had their break thru series to exploit their sexual frustrations and fantasies hosted by british faghag DANI BEHR that centered around 32 year old human resource manager JAMES GATZLAFF on "BOY MEETS BOY" pick'n from a bevy of steroided stallions with a twist where half the savory suiters were pabst blue ribbon belchers and the other half were muscle mary pole smokers vy'n fer a measly $25,000 and a popper fueled vaca in New Zealand prize and though this "reality" series only lasted 1 season it became the most influential spring board fer the plethora of "date'n" throat plunge'n butt pirate series that have since followed
after ignore'n almost every paid to play happily ever after "relationship"
series on the entire planet fer the past 10 years (and stupidly just when i thought i saw it all) i became sucked back into the most blatant balls in yer face (literally) cumfuckme series from across the pond over the weekend at a friends house (thanx to stream'n services with no boundaries) "NAKED ATTRACTION" hosted by ANNA RICHARDSON which is based completely on the total physical attraction of 6 horny toads in every shape and size compete'n in their birthday suit pitted against each other as a sex starved STD relies on their primal instincts to pick their mate...with no shame in their game as the cameraman pans in fer a microscopic shot of tits...twats...throat plungers and tushes...
you know...just like they did in prehistoric times (minus beat'n em over the head with a club and dragg'n 'em back to their cave) though titallate'n til the cows come home...i can't help but wonder...WTF are these losers think'n when they aren't picked and have to do that walk of shame LIVE on tv...all in the name fer a lil bit of the fame game (under unforgivable studio lights nonetheless) ummmm...HELLOOOO! yer utter nakedness will be out there fer all to judge fer eternity
i'll even admit durin' my early uninformed 20's that i was so very tempted
by some jabba the mut with a bank account who owned the biggest construction company in the city (along with a waist line to match) and made me play a different kinda date'n game by offer'n me the car...the clothes...the cash and the condo (tax free)
and while i was give'n free access to his perfectly pec'd construction workers fer my jack hammer action strictly fer fornicational pleasures when warranted...i had to just be his arm candy in public and though the idea of goin from rags to riches over nite sounded very invite'n (i do have morals...minimal as they may be nonetheless they're still set in stone) so i just could not nor would not be some personal love slave to some colossal diabetic slug...
and though i found out thru a friend some 20 years later that another fortunate gold digg'n butt pirate inherited a cool 5 mill from his estate after he passed...i would never have changed my decision in the slightest just fer a lil bit of fame and fortune...
well...unless i met him grind'n the gears in his lotus esprit on rodeo drive (hey...i do have standards...though i'll always work on a curve!)
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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