Monday, November 21, 2011

APOKOLYPSTIK! pt. 2

last week on APOKOLYPSTIK!…

Adam and Eva were off on a non gravitational fornicational weekend to the moon as WW 2 ½ started…and they were thrown waaay of course…

and crash landed on URANUS

but not before we find out that Adam is a right-winged bible thump’n hypocrite with a fetish fer delicate things and Eva…she’s just a whore!
and now let’s join our non homosexual sci-fi adventure already in progress…shall we

after Adam removes his hush puppy from Eva’s dress…

Eva removes her knock-off minola’s…
give’n her low back a full range of motion…as recommended by cosmopolitan magazine…

feel’n confident…Eva eagerly steps outta the rocket ship and onto the perfectly groomed greenest grass she’d ever seen

looking up into the unisvere…Eva is mezmorized in a trance by the beauty before her eyes

“hey Adam…you gotta get out her and see this…bring me my purse and gimme my blouse back…freak!”

Adam....completely embarrassed by what he’d done…takes off Eva's blouse
ands hands it back to her...along with her purse

as Eva snaps the purse outta Adam’s hand…and throws on her blouse...she rummages around inside look’n fer relief

“what’s yer damage heather?” Adam says scowl’n

Eva replies…“ummm…first off…who’s HEATHER?...my names Eva…remember that’s what the writer called me in the beginn’n of this bargain basement story…that's goin’ no where quick"

"and second off…flo’s come’n to town"
"so get of my case already...i need somethin' to plug it up”

Eva finally comes across her canoe cork (sorry not product endorse’n in my story…i can’t afford the license’n fees) Eva ducks behind a barrel to empty out her canoe

finally relieved…Eva toss’s her canoe corker to the ground next to a barrel that slowly starts to move away from her...statled...Eva realizes it is not a barrel at all

turn'n around...a loud voice says “guuurl puhleez...i know you did not just toss that mess in PRETTY PRETTY’s perfectly perfected foliage!"
"she may not be into anal…but she’s anal about her look and her land?”

“who the hell are you?" Eva replied…puff’n on a cigarette
(i...as the writer…just put in her mouth...and unbuttoned her blouse...
gotta throw in somethin' to the male non homosexuals...to broaden my demographics ya know)

“why…everyone knows…i’m Felopia…queen fag hag…blesser of bunions…healer of hermaphrodites and a right on sista!"

Felopia scans both Adam and Eva with her gaydar gun…just like the one this beehived blonde is model’n…
but picks up no read’n of non heterosexualistic...tulip sniff'n tendencies from Eva at all...Adam...on the other hand was fight'n it as much as he could

instead…the scanner goes off the radar dial…which has never happened on her home planet before...so Felopia questions Adam and Eva of their whereabouts

“so...where abouts are you from?” Felopia says cock’n her head sideways

Adam mutters “ummm…what’dya mean where abouts are we from?...Cheboygan Iowa why?”

Eva...clearly bored...says "you know...you could qualify fer handicap park'n back home?"

“hey…i don’t need any lip from you missy…i could snap you like a twig with my stare!” Felopia replies

Felopia…completed bored of Eva… shouts “listen here…you need to check yer attitude at the gate…yer on my turf now bitch!”

“and where is it exactly that we are…and who’s this PRETTY PRETTY?” Adam trembles in a whimpery voice

suddenly...out of no where...walks past 70's tv star from "Good Times" JJ
"D-Y-N-O-M-I-T-E!...i did it!...i did it again!" and keeps on walk'n past them with his jive walk...into the distance

all 3 bewildered fer a minute...but then Felopia...with one hand on hip…and the slight limp of her other wrist…replies...

“guurl pleez…aren’t you aware…why…yer on the planet URANUS…

the land of neon nazi non heterosexuals of all kinds from

the lipstick lesbians…

the diesel dykes…

the muscle mary’s…

the twinkle ferries…

the big bears and their cubs...

and everyone in between”

“PRETTY PRETTY is the ruler of this great land...
where you are free to be who you want to be”

“so…there’s no soccer moms or playboy bunnies or political interns
to worship my extremely large biceps here” Adam replies

“or rednecks…religious fruitcakes or republican pie-holes either i’m afraid...but who you try'n to kid?” Felopia responds

Eva and Adam…stare’n into each others eyes in fright…try and make a run for it and are stopped in their tracks by Felopia

“hey…get off my dress bitches!”

to be continued…

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