Monday, November 28, 2011


last week on APOKOLYPSTIK!…Adam and Eva were confronted by the queen of the fag hags…FELOPIA…
who bitched slapped Adam and Eva fer their utter lack of decency

and now…the excite’n conclusion of APOKOLYPSTIK!

so Adam and Eva run as fast as they could from Felopia and her evilness…completely bewildered that such a planet could exist where they were looked upon as heathens of immorality

up ahead…and completely out of breath…Eva notices…a convenience store

“let’s go in there and ask fer some help Adam” Eva says gasp'n fer her breath

“we gotta…my mocha frappe latte chi tea with cinnamon spices
that somehow miraculously appeared and i drank while on the run…is goin right thru me” Adam replied

as they enter the CUM N GO…who’s work’n behind the counter…
but none other than Match Game’s Charles Nelson Reilly

as Eva pours herself a slurpy...from behind the slurpy machine pops out none other than Match game host Gene Rayburn who says...
“2 newbies from nowhere walk into a store and ask the clerk what he could do to help them and the newbies said…BLANK!”

Charles gleefully replies…
“the newbies said…take my clothes off!”

a buzzer sounds over the intercom and a raspy voice calls out “hey Charles…can i get a price check on these menthol suppositories puhleez…NOW!”
and it's Match Game's Brett Somers smoke'n a cigarette

both Adam and Eva struggle to figure what is goin on as they run out of the store and Eva sucks down her slurpy in hand

as they make their way out the door and duck thru an alley…Eva has to stop suddenly "ouch!...brain freeze...gimme a minute"

both of them now realize they wish they had never been picked as the winners of “who wants to put a peasant in the poor house”

“HALT!…what’s got yer cha cha heels in such a rush?”
Jack Hammer and his husband Ben Dover say to Adam and Eva

“i don’t understand it…why is everyone on this planet so…you know…blatantly so ac/dc” Eva shouts

Jack…as happy as lark and ready to take a run on the beach…told Adam and Eva…
”perhaps if you see our leader PRETTY PRETTY…you’ll get the answer yer look’n for…now me and Ben gotta get runn'n before the white party tonite”

Adam looks around to assess the situation while try’n to console Eva’s nervous breakdown…

he notices a mechanic up head work’n beneath a car
and decides to try and get some answers.

as they get closer to the car…Adam smells a strong scent of patchouli permeate'n in the air as he taps the mechanics foot under the car

the mechanic rolls out from under the car and in a husky slovakian voice says...
“eh…vut kun i do fo youz?”

Eva…baffled by the thick accent…asks for the mechanics name and directions to PRETTY PRETTY’s

“eh…i um Dee Skee und PRUTTY PRUTTY livz in zee custle on zee hill ova zere”

“so…wait a minute…yer not…you know…a man” Eva replies

“nuh…i em not ego rid’n booshit’r “ Dee says defiantly

Eva…stunned and wide eyed…goes batshit crazy and screams as she sees a gaggle of twinkle ferries
hand n hand…cacklin’ at her from across the street

“guuuuurl puhleez!...wus with all the damage?...yer gonna get split ends…besides…you wanted us all on an island…but you like know there wouldn’t be enough room…so we needed a planet”

“get it guuurl friend” says the other twinkle ferry snapp’n his fingers at Eva

Eva looses complete control of her senses

as Adam gazes off in the distance...he is frozen as if he was just look’n at Medusa straight in the eyes…at a bear and his cub walk'n hand in hand to some rodeo

Eva…close’n her eyes as tight as she can…and cover'n her ears

shake’n her head back and forth…her hair whipp’n frantically in the wind

spiral’n out of control as she can no longer get a grip of the situation she’s been put into…tumblin’ down some sorta bizarre rabbit hole
time and space seemed meaningless

then…Eva wakes

“it was just a dream?”
Michelle says perplexed

after loose’n the bid for the front runner of the GOP nominations…Michelle fell into a deep coma like sleep and dreamt she was the professionally trained dancer and proud PTA president…Eva D. Strucshun…along with her husband Marcus…who was the city council man and weekend deacon…Adam Davenport…and the winners of “who wants to put a peasant in the poor house” and be the first unimportant non homosexual civilians to travel to the moon

“honey…it was just a bad dream” Marcus replies
clapp'n gayly in a non homosexual way as Michelle regains her consciousness

“but it felt so real…and you were there…although you're cholesterol intake wasn't as high"

"and you were all there” Michelle said point’n at the others at her bedside

along side Marcus was Ann Coulter…
whom Michelle thought was the big mouth floor mopper doin’ a price check on suppositories…Brett Somers from tv’s Match Game

next to her was Rick Perry…
whom Michelle thought was Match Game host Gene Rayburn

and thought John Boehner
was flamboyant counter help Charles Nelson Reilly… who was hold'n back the tears of joy that Michelle had regained consciousness

next to them was Mitt Romney
who Michelle thought was muscle mary Jack Hammer

and Rick Santorum...whom Michelle thought
was Mitt Romney's husband Ben Dover

the hospital doors open up and in walks the nurse...and it's Sarah Palin
(she decided to go back to her technical train'n courses and get a degree
since her political views and become'n BFF's with Kate Gosselin made her look a bit socially retarded in the public's eye)
"here up!...yer gonna need all the strength you can get" and blows Michelle a kiss

Michelle...famished...chomps down on her meal

behind her walks in gay republican from the A-list: dallas Taylor Garrett
who Michelle swore was the cacklin’ twinkle ferry

“dear lord…so get this you guys” Michelle says to the gaggle of GOP bobbleheads that have gathered around her bedside...with a puzzled look on her face “the last thing i remember was this butch mechanic who turned out to be a woman…tell’n me that their ruler of their land PRETTY PRETTY lives in the castle on the hill…i don’t get who that was suppose to represent?”

“let’s let you rest sugarplum…you’ve had a rough day” Marcus says as he escorts the others out of the room

Michelle still wonder’n what the bossy fag hag...JJ...the mechanic and the ruler had to do with her dream…leaned over to get the remote control and turn on the television.

a loud scream echo’s down the corridor


Marcus comes flutter'n back into Michelle’s room like a humm'n bird to see what Michelle was all freaked out about

as Michelle sobs uncontrollably in bed…Marcus notices on the television

Chaz Bono was being interviewed about his transformation and DWTS elimination
whom Michelled figered was the manish look'n mechanic from her dream

by the one and only Rosie O'donnell
whom Michelle now realized was Felopia...queen of the fag hags

then in walks Cher and hugs her son
which she figered...though never got to meet...was the ruler of Uranus...

as the room falls silent...Michelle gazes at the tv in a trance

Barrack Obama picture comes on the tv as winner of the 2012 elections
now realize'n that was 70's star JJ Evans from tv's "Good Times"

Rosie asks Cher what she thought about Barrack Obama winn'n the presidency fer a second term and about the comments people make about Chaz...and Cher replies...
“those GOP bitches didn't stand a chance against him...and as far as Chaz goes...he can do what he wants...he's my son…now can ya pleez get off my dress!”

the end

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