Monday, July 7, 2014

some like it hot

oh what a weekend it was...from some pieces of work...
the spirits were high and flow'n in every direction...and though the rhubarb crumble was a smash hit...apparently i never got the memo that crack was make'n a comeback...and some spirited sideshow mother fuckers were a smash crumble'n apart from bein a bit high on some illegal spirits...
move'n on!

when i think of flames...alot of things are conjured up in my mind...

the yester years at summer camp with my brothers and sister...
roast'n marshmallows over an open flame

durin' the holiglazed season...images of ol' Bing Crosby dance in my head
of him sing'n about roast'n chestnuts on an open flame

of course...who can forget this petrified comedic classic
the original non heterosexual glitter bomb'n flame

and when i think of holier than though...A double snake holes....

i guess Gordon hasn't  finished his spotlight dance with the devil makers...
and his obsession to rid the world of designer labels...cake decorators...and tea bagg'n competitions

must i REALLY have to break down yer book of fairytales AGAIN Father?

maybe i'm miss'n somethin' here...but haven't we evolved a bit over rules and regulations over the past 2000 years to fit our current times?

fine...we can play by yer RULERS rules for arguments sakes...
but that means NO cherry pick' in case ya missed a couple of pretty important yerself...are probably not pratice'n...i thought i'd give ya a lil refresher course...of course

Leviticus 25:44 states that i may possess slaves...both male and female...
provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations...a friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans...but not Canuks across the border...
can you clarify pleez...why can't i own Canadians?

Exodus 21:7  states it's ok to sell your daughter into slavery...
what do you think would be a fair market price for her in this day and age?

Leviticus 15:19-24 states that i can't have contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness...or i to shall be very uncleansed...
problem am gonna know?...most just turn into a bitch if you make any assumptions

Leviticus 1:9 states that burn'n a bull on the altar as a sacrifice...creates a very pungently tastefully pleasing odor for the RULER's o factory senses
only prob neighbors claim the odor is not please'n to them....shall i smite them?

Exodus 35:2  states clearly that they should be put to death fer work'n on the these next door neighbors kids insist on sell'n lemonade on hot summer afternoons...7 days a week...even after i read them this rule
am i morally obligated to kill them myself?...or should i ask the police to do it for me?

Leviticus 11:10 states though eat'n shellfish is a total's a lesser abomination than bein' a flamer like my buddy says...i don't agree...
can you settle this tough one?...are there different levels to abomination?

Leviticus 21:20 states that i can't approach the altar of the RULER if i have a defect in my sight....i just started wear'n read'n glasses cuz of astigmatism
does my vision have to be 20/20...or is there some wiggle room here?

Leviticus 19:27 states it's totally forbidden that my male buddies get their hair trimmed anywhere on their nubile bodies...even around their temples
how should they die?

Leviticus 11:6-8  states touch'n the skin of a dead pig makes you unclean
can players still play football if they wear gloves?

Leviticus 19:19  states that those plant'n two different crops in the same field...are clearly violate'n the law...which my brother who owns a farm has done fer the past couple of years...and as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread with her cotton/poly blends
do i need go to the trouble gett'n the whole town together to stone em'?

couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair?

like we do with people who sleep with their says Leviticus  20:14

i know you have studied these passages religiously and therefore are considered an expertise in above mentioned i'm completely confident Gordon...that you can help sort out these sticky situations

if yer gonna live by the sword! must die by the sword!
or just die...a-w-a-y!

so there ya have it kittens...keep in i've said before...
i could really give a rat's ass what ya wanna believe think a certain portion of the population will not be able to enter the kingdom of Casper?...that's worries...i'll be there serve'n cocktails til the cows come home i guess then...but seriously...if yer that concerned of my well bein'...practice what you preach...or get off my dress!

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