Monday, August 11, 2014

mirror mirror...on my wall

so there i was...try'na figer out what to do last sat afternoon...
after frantically check'n my FB page fer any of the happen'ns happen'n...cuz it just so happened...i had nutt'n to i hadda i "toss my salad"?...or do i make a salad the chills beautifully in the frigid air fer my cuz's b-day


we interrupt this earth shatter'n bring you this...
(insert chaos and sirens sounds in yer head)

mirror mirror on my wall...
who's the most fairest drop dead gorgeous one of them all?

ummm...'scuze me girlfriend...but you need be be look'n who's behind that mirror..cuz there's only one QUEEN...and that's M-A-D-O-N-N-A!

to the woman who turned underwear into outerwear…
causing millions of women to add vagisil to their water cooler conversations

make’n pre and post pubescent str8 and not so str8 boys...
cross’n the “BORDERLINE” fer over 30 years

tell’n millions of kittens across the globe to...

over the years...many have tried to imitate her...
but no one can duplicate her!

we all know how desperately LADY BLAH BLAH has been...
try'n to stay relevantly reductive in these try'n times...but the QUEEN just took it with a grain of unsalted salt...but did you know there has been a host of performers over the years that can't come up with an original idea to save their life

like fer instance...the utterly blatant copycat corruption of...
who single handedly was involved in some sorta lezbitronic voodoo ritual (as most do from my understand'n) with foresight into the future...back in the 1930's...try'na to make M look like a carpet cleaner

former pin-up and bondage beauty to truckers everywhere...
who obviously had psychic abilities and wanted to get ahead of the game by 60 some years...except everyone knows...color is a much more effective approach

even hollyweirds most famous breathless bottled blonde...
hopped into some delorean mobile and completely ripped off Madonna's movements to a tee...pretty good i might add...and i'm sure she'd still be around copy'n M...if it wasn't fer that incident with the Kennedy's

then there was that time that blonde Bat Girl...
tried to steal the QUEEN's identity..(or maybe it was to cover up all the dark circles from stay'n up all nite host'n all that "hollywood" between her unmentionables)...either case...try again girl!

but famous women weren't the only ones try'na horn in on M's success...
religious deities like supreme goddess Durga thought she'd give it ago...but she found out the hard way that ride'n a lion is not smart when yer 8 hands are full of crap

 from the house of the lovable mouse Disney built...
the squeeky clean cock tease tried miserably to steal M's thunder...but she was waaay too demure fer america's she couldn't pull off polka dots to save her life

fortunately though...not everyone was a complete failure at it...
.thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of her own universe...KRYSTAL KLEER(hey way'da'minute...that's me)...ok i tried it once only cuz i was host'n the official party fer her MDNA tour a few years back in St Paul...but get this...some local rag said i was TOO fab-u-less fer their i opted out all together...but they tried desperately to make me a hiccup in their story by alter'n my image...HA!...i will not compromise my artistic integrity...(it was VITA.MN a shitty rag anyway)

but Miss KLEER ain't the only famous celebutante to pay tribute to M...
successfully played the less serious side of M in a lifetime movie of the week on HBO...follow'n the footsteps of what it's like to be backstage on a world tour as MEDUSA in  "DARE TO BE TRUTHFUL"

some even mimic and mock her every move to almost perfection...
noticed that M came out with her own skin care line she decided in her own special way that only she milk from the tit of M

besides my very successful interpretation of a classic piece of art...
decided to break free from her band GOSSIP and did a fabulous homage to one of her Madgesty's more steamier videos

even the King of rock's own princess did her damnedest...
desperate to live up to the musical royalty of her late father...tried her best attempt to taste the essence of the QUEEN by take'n in a picture to her stylist fer a make-over after she dumped the pedo i mean other King...and fer that...i give her kudos...but a hint Lisa P...bangs should never interfere with lip gloss...too much post production to clean up the lip gloss streaks

although married to Ferris Bueller and star of a hit show on HBO...
changed her hair styles on the series as much as she changed her bed sheets...and what better way to reinvent the break-up blues by look'n to the hottest trend'n star...but she looked like an absolute ray of light with this have to admit

once asked by American Bandstand host Dick Clark in 1984...
what she wanted to do with the rest of her career…

she said she wanted “TO RULE THE WORLD
and she has!


sell’n more than 300 millions records world wide…

beat'n out Elvis as the artist with the most top-ten hits
M has sold out stadiums with world tours ...
from Chattanooga...
to China

start'n out with her then boyfriend Dan Gilroy and form'n the band...

not to be confused with this group of misfits...which came years later

play'n guitar and drums and sing'n

in 1980 she left the THE BREAKFAST CLUB and formed...
EMMY” with then boyfriend Stephen Bray

by 1982 Madonna decided to be a solo artist and signed with SIRE...
and released her first single “EVERYBODY” on october 6 which became a dance floor hit…and the hits haven’t stopped since.

there's no dispute'n why she is the QUEEN

Rolling Stone magazine once said...
“Madonna remains one of the greatest pop acts of all time...and the most successful female recording artist of all time”

on march 10, 2008…the QUEEN of POP was inducted into the...

she has endorsed numerous products...but PEPSI lost 5 million to her...
after backing out on her "BLONDE AMBITION TOUR" in 1991

because a group of CASPER crusaders wanted her banned...
due to her "like a prayer" video and it's imagery

with her breakout performance in 1986 smash hit...

M has appeared in countless other movies include’n...

and won a golden globe in 2008 for her portrayal in the epic film...

 Madonna made her directorial debut in “FILTH and WISDOM

M's 2nd directorial film was the epic movie "W.E."

her 1st documentary of  "TRUTH or DARE”… was released in 1991…

”I’M GOING TO TELL YOU A SECRET” was the follow-up 15 years later...

“I AM BECAUSE WE ARE” was released in 2008

an author with a #1 best seller children’s book “THE ENGLISH ROSES”
which became the fastest-selling children's picture book of all time and the release of 15 other children’s books that have gone on to sell millions thru-out the world

 she's been a blonde

she's been a brunette
she even looks good when she's wet
(and yes i'm sure the flies on her wall can attest to that too!)

she's been peroxided

she's been 2 toned

and even over 50 she's still hasn't moaned
( least not in public anyways)

her hair has been long

her hair has been short

she's even been ordered to show up to court
(though she got off on a technicality of bein' more famous than CASPER)

she's done the feathered

she's done the fro

she's even modeled for this big mo'
(allegedly i presume)

she's posed with an elephant

she's posed with a horse

she's even posed with the teeniest tiniest of course
(and i ain't talk'n about ANY of her X's...just FYI)

here she is pull'n a pig

here she is in a short black wig

here she is untouched like a virgin

here she is with a comical surgeon

on a roof top...she once sat

she's even worn a big crazy hat

she's caused some controversy with the cross

but everyone knows that she's the boss

she knows alot about swimm'n in water

and eat'n the chains she got from her daughter

here she is doin' some work

here she is look'n berserk

squeeze'n a sponge into a bucket

wear'n what ya want...and say'n...awww fuck it

she can pull off a boa with the greatest of ease

or wear a bouffant with a lot of tease

sometimes she needs to just lay down

sometimes she does it in a gown

she hides behind no ones mask

except fer that one time for that was the task

she can hold herself up by her own 2 breasts

and never lets her boobs feel like they're oppressed

she's played some chess with a dog

she's even been fondled by some old frog

sometimes she'll sit in a chair

or just on the floor in her underwear

she's smoke'n hot when take'n a rest

or smoke'n hot in a black leather vest

from the borderlines

to the beaches

she's always gawked by a handful of leeches

she's had millions of looks thru-out her career...from...
the "rebel without a clause in her contract" look

the "post punk pop rocks" look

the "like a virgin touched for the 17th time on a beach" look

the "fine...i'll wear the stupid black hat but i'm keep'n the wilson leather gloves" look

the "i'm a pepper shaker" look

the "bitch slapped by the hand of hindu" look

the "flo's comin to town" look

the "effective crotch grabb' polka dots" look

the "post modern peek-a-boob hippe blouse" look

the "you cursed brat...look what you've done...i'm melting...melting...oh what a world...what a world" black taffeta Gautier look

the "ancient chinese secret with elongated mud flaps" look

the "i'm not a lesbian"...lesbian look

the "salmon swimsuit and pink satin capri's with blood clot belt now at old gravey" look

the "i'm not a powerful lesbian"...powerful lesbian look

the "hysterectomy in heels" look

the "gimme a bunch of crap to cover the scars on my arm" look

the "i'm sad cuz no one wants to see my boobs in another video" video look

the "'ll be kiss'n my ass someday very soon" look

the "i'm clipp'n my toe nails...get the fuck outta here" look

the "drag queen in a burka" look

the "MISS IMODIUM A-D 2007" look

  the "top shelf" look

the "i have so much money has money" look

either way ya put it...MADONNA works harder and is smarter...  
than ANYONE in the biz and will burn anyone try'na grab her crown

from toddlers to terrorists...skaters to haters...trannies to grannies...
everyone only knows there's only ONE QUEEN...and that's M-A-D-O-N-N-A bitch!

there's no deny'n she's broken the mold when it comes to longevity...
HAPPY's to the next 56 years!

now get off my dress!

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