Monday, August 4, 2014

survey says

top 10 answers on the board...we asked 100 people...
well...99 of them live under my skull

if you could have anyone play you in a movie...who would you be?
since fictional characters don't exist...they therefore cannot play me

and even though i consider him to be the hottest man alive and i'm at least 65% related to his don't love a bad boy with an irish accent...Colin will just have to remain in my wet dreams and on my wish list fer the next 10 xmas's (*wink*wink Jessica)

stay tuned to find out at the end...

my think’n cap was at the cleaners last week…my body ended up in some po-dunk MN cow town at my cuz's b-day celebration this past weekend...
and even though i am the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own tire got blown...instead of me...but more on that series of events next week (can we get a moment of silence pleez?)

so in the mean’s mashed potato time kittens...

well...anyone that knows anything about me…
(my "matty ya lil fatty" period my uncle Ed used to call me...aww...presh!)


are my save'n graces since i was a teenage terror at the tender and supple age of…number 3…and fruit round out the rest of the typical ?’s

so time to dive into the deep end…

#1 what was the first job you wanted when you grew up?

hey don’t rush things…gimme 5 more years and i’ll start gett’n serious…
this was my actual first job i thought that i totally wanted to be when i was able to get a pay check...i was about 13ish…at my cuz’s house across the yard from us and seen my very first porn movie…without  popcorn i might add...but i thought…hey i could lay there like a dead hooker and have some ego blown ape make me his chew toy fer a while...of course i wanted another guy in the flick with me…i couldn't really grasp the concept why my cuz and his roomies would want to watch man on woman porn…seemed so...oh i don't know...what's the word i'm look'n for?...oh yea...UNNATURAL to me…but hey…each to there own...i prefer schlack'n steel pipes...not poke'n bitchy drain…i was good at moan’n and groan’n as a child…i just knew all i needed was some boom chicky wow wow effects in the back ground

#2 what talent do you wish you had?

the ability to make socially retarded people interest’n…
this would include those who think they are from a higher untouchable species...

parents with those lil fuckers uncontrollable kids...
hey i'm belong in cages if they can't behave...just make sure there's proper ventilation and some nutritional sugar water in their reach and they'll's better than make'n 'em a back hand sammich to eat...right?

and though some might believe the 2nd amendment gives them the power to prosecute...we can't go around shoot'n people just cuz they have no...

but this category also includes pretty much most of the dates i’ve been on in the past 20 years...oh and most of the past dates read’n this (that is if you had that ability) and are feel’n a bit offended by this statement…go ahead and include yerself in this me...yer worth it!

#3 what’s the last book you read?

cry salty tears” by Dinah O’dowd…
ok...i'm gett'n paid zero promotional fees fer this...but it's a really good tearjerker of a book...i made it all the way to the end without need'n to fast forward to the visuals or have anything pop up on every other page

it’s the story of an irish mother’s survival and eventual triumph over almost unbelievable domestic hardships and prolonged mental torture and destructive ignorance…yet successfully raised a family of 6 and nurtured the unique personality of an international superstar...
but i ain't tell'n ya who it is!

i could totally see Shirley MacLaine act'n the shit outta this part

#4 what’s yer worst habit?

hmmm...think’n i have #2…
i’ve tried it but i always ended up feel’n like they have no reason to live in my universe

#5 in one word…how would you describe yerself?

in my world FREAK equals creative…stands out…one of a it's not really a bad thing

#6 what’s yer biggest pet peeve?

(militant republicans and religious people can sit out on this one... since they have no power over me)

it’s mainly girocks and their inability to be nice to anyone…
also known as phonies...fakers...and uppity A double snake holes

it's as if this breed were born without a conscious...whether yer a friend...
family personality...receptionist...a skyway walker or the sad cashier at the neighborhood dvd rental place...just BE NICE asshole!

(and FYI...yes i am aware i am a work in progress myself at times...but in my's usually always warranted when i'm not)

but the worst are these people that are co-op crunchers…scarf’n down on overpriced organic free range gluten-free snacks...whipp'n around town in their spendy hybrid cars...recycle'n their political correctness along with their glass bottles and environment friendly e-book next to their work-out bottle...yet they don't even practice common manners to others that don’t “fit” into their cookie cutter world…how can you whine about want'n a safer world if you can't even manage to be NICE to everyone...
 around you...where's that bucket of purified water when ya need it?

#7 what’s yer top 3 movies you can pretty much recite the entire dialogue?

best line: "these bitches sucking cock and eating ass...then they show up at the buffet and say they're vegan"

best line: "you're terrible Muriel"

best line: "Leticia Bustamonte...that sweet little mexican girl who stocks the shelves...told me Jim Ed had to reinforce that stool with luuug nuts"

#8 who is the one famous person you would bring back to life?

well since jesus is just a figment of some sand person’s imagination…
i’m gonna go with Marilyn Monroe…just to see how she would fair in this time of nip-n-tucks…if she'd bitch slap Madonna into next week and what she really knew about the Kennedy’s and the mafia

#9 what “SEX and the CITY” gal are you at the moment?

though i’ve been all of them at one time or another…
MIRANDA HOBBS best describes me these days…i think things thru a lot more carefully these days…have no time to put up with shit from anyone…and have no need to see “sky rockets in flight” with anyone’s help

(subject to change at any moment though)

#10 what are the 3 top tv series the best describe you?

#11 what do you want this time by next year?

new city

new job

new me

bonus round: who do you think you'll resemble in 20 years?

hands down...if i'm lucky enough to still be here...
i wanna be the care free...nail paint'n land lady Mrs. Roper...just slap on a wig from the Eva Gabor collection...a muumuu and some tacky jewelry and call it a day!

oh ya...suuuurvey says?

John Cameron "HEDWIG"
so very very me!

now get off my dress!

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