Monday, November 9, 2015

it's only just begun

whether it was the worst of times...it was somewhat of the best of a bad situation at the time...and leave'n my cubicle of 9 1/2 years was the best thing i ever did...but somethin' even better was cash'n out my 401k...
much to many tell'n me to think about my future...thing is kittens...no one is guaranteed a future...and some will never get the chance to use their 401...due to an early death or a life sentence in the big house...i have absolutely no regrets like many do about their future so why bother waste'n away...stress'n yerself out wonder'n...hmmm...i should'a...could'a...would'a...
but didn't...by the time they're serve'n you metamucil martini's dur'in a Matlock marathon and if yer lucky...you get yer shit shorts changed daily so yer not marinate'n in last nites dinner!...we all have to go at some point...so live in the moment and live like yer electricity will be shut off at any given moment

1. speak yer mind!

if i hadda hear one more elevator story about kids and casseroles...or how the weather had changed drastically 5 degree points up or down from the past 24 hours...i was gonna loose it!...do you really think that whore stand'n next to you in the morn'n gives a shit!...NO THEY DON'T!...trust me...i can tell you that political correctness is no longer fashionable anymore!
there should be one "whorevator" fer those singles who mingle and wanna talk about their latest tingle!

"i banged the bus boy on break"...or "oh my gawd...look at his crotch?...it's SO BIG...he looks like one of those drag queens boyfriends...but who understands drag queens anyways...they only talk to him cuz he's pack'n...i mean GROSS...his bulge is just so BIG...ummm...you gotta pen?"...or the popular "you should really think about gett'n that checked before it spreads"

2. work it!

when you walk 'til you limp and give a cut to yer pimp...yer a street whore...
when you work from your home and johns call on the phone...yer a call girl
why not become yer own " self sufficient entrepreneur"?

wonder what yer worth?...well now's the time to test it out...you've laid there like a dead hooker fer years or faked more orgasms than you can count...
or held out like a fool wait'n fer that special someone to come down yer "chimney"

what a moron!...thousands of ladies and ladies alike...of the nite...have been make'n bookoo bank fer years...time to take a piece of the easy pie...
when someone drives by and says "how much?"...don't take that as an insult...that's just how they say "hi" in whoreville

don't like their offer?...negotiate...this is no time to bargain hunt...
just make sure to get the money up front before ya take yer top off!

3. be selfish...spend!

why care about anyone but yerself at a time like this?
enjoy yer last few weeks of breath with that undeniable shopp'n spree you've always denied yerself just cuz ya gave too many hand-outs in yer lifetime...or saved fer yer retirement...medicare means nothing at this point
cuz ya won't  be show'n off yer country's pride in yer custom built lazyboy on wheels
or become'n an undergarment model anytime soon

empty yer piggy banks and charge charge CHARGE that plastic piggy bank on anything yer simple selfish heart desires...ya know the big wigs at those credit card companies have been live off yer interest dime fer years...it's not like they'll be give'n ya a call anytime soon in this lifetime anyways


4. don't let anyone get in yer way!

tired of those move'n at the speed of a parapelegic parade on sunday?
sick of being stuck behind those who got their license from drive'n a camel?

you ain't got time to have patience anymore...stick a loud speaker to to the hood of yer car and tell the one hold'n up traffic exactly how you feel:
"JESUS CHRIST!...i said move motherfucker!!...why are you drive'n 55 mph...in a 55 mph zone when there's a perfectly good empty lane to yer right that you can move over to assfuck!...ooh yer gonna step on yer breaks now? bitch puhleez! you think yer really fuck'n funny i bet? well...let's see how fuck'n funny you are when they're extract'n my bus from yer tailpipe CUNT!"

5.  rock out!

why bother stepp'n on a crack...
to break yer mama's back?
just snort it!

it's not like ya need to waste anymore of yer hard earned money on a long term dentist plan...and think of how glamourous you'll feel...you'll become one of those famous people by show'n up on billboards everywhere
and that's really what everone wants to be anyways...this famous...right?

of course...these are just some of  my suggestions...i could be wrong!

so just in case...in order to save my own ass...

our father...who do art in heaven

Joseph Smith was right...these are magical!

shalom!

nam myoho renge kyo

praise ALLAH!

OH MY CHER!

believe what ya wanna believe in...just get off my dress!

1 comment:

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