half that wish came true...now if i can only learn how to fly...HA!
to be part of some sorta coven of cackle'n colostomy carry'n tea baggers
i'm talk'n about the original witch series from the 60's
and not that piece of refried crap-o-rama version...
that the new millennium non verbal communicative generation ignored
the perfect suburban housewife…who just happens to be a witch!
and her flamboyantly colorful spit-fire of a mother...Endora
with her flame red locks...electric blue shadow and egyptian eyeliner...no self indoctrinate'n queen over the age of 80's Molly Ringwaldness would live without when they wanted to camp it up fer the nite
and how could you ferget the lilest witch of them all…Tabitha
the original Olsen Twin
(don’t feel like a total anal wart…i only found out Tabitha was played by twins while doin' research fer this very important and extremely educational blog)
but the most famous of all would be the bitchiest witchiest from the west
and her sugar plum saccharinated schoolmate from the northside of town
while all these super natural sisters possess some sorta super natural hocus pocus powers with the twitch of their nose or the zing of their fingers...there was that one period of time during the 1600's...
when it wasn't really in vogue fer them if they were accused of being one
but none of these lovely ladies compares to the hocus pocus i experienced myself a while ago back on a pilgrimage to an open house that i went to...
and before i begin…this is a TOTAL observation on my part…from MY point of view as an innocent on liquor…i mean on looker…at a bullshit BUDDHIST gather'n
but trust me…i’d wish i was on liquor half way thru this rodeo show!
now Buddhism and Hinduism are sorta a cross stitch religion that seek the wisdom more than the worship...but i ain't got time to break them down fer ya...so feel free to wikipedia yer A double snakes away anytime ya want!
to begin...traditionally...a buddhist monk is rapped in like 300 count orange bed sheets from some sorta bed bath and beyond buddha shop...
with a very closed cropped hair style...to cut down on the shampoo bill
to get a better picture in yer mind...think Sinead O'connor...
but with alot less grammy nominations
they have a good eye for the use of bright and cheerful colors...
unlike that other store bought religion that's more torturous on the eyes
but if ya ask me…it’s just like that imaginary pillow factory in the sky that the other religion believes in…only yer on some kinda hocus pocus acid trip
when ya boil em all down in the big melt'n pot of life though…
they basically all just say’n be NICE to everyone!
so of course who hasn't heard of the Tibetan BUDDHA...
(if ya haven't...this is it folks)
then there's KRISHNA...the most popular well known of the Hindu g*ds
pretty much the same look...but with alot less drag
then there's Hanuman...the monkey god...
into a very popular franchise since the 60's
it's like a poo-poo platter of personalities...it's like yer very own menage a trois..times 10...without all those messy STD appointments!
wasn't Sally Fields portrayal of this one to perfection?
so anywho as i was say'n...i sat thru my 1st session a while back...
(cuz there was no one interest'n in the area)
with a bunch of monks and burbanite raisin ranchers…humm'n and humm'n some hocus pocus chant from some unreadable comic book (shocker!)
when i realized they just sounded like a bunch of gereatrics...
try'n to jump start a jeep parade
then throw in the occasional dinner bell...
which i read no indication in the comic book i couldn't fuck'n understand nor follow in the first place...about when the ring'n of the dinner bell should occur
and you got a very underground version of the Tabernacle Choir...but trust me...the Tabernacle Choir doesn't have to worry about gett'n voted off on the next season of "chant"n with the religious stars" anytime soon
as one of the zombies…i mean chanter's…(and this i cannot confirm nor deny since i chose not to partake in this ritual) passed out some sorta grits and bacon bits to the unmalnourished flock…(GEEZ…what am i think'n) i mean the starve'n space cadets…i’m think’n…i'da wished i hadda V8...
with some stoli in it!...and no where in the program does it state that you are to eat only half…and give the rest as an offer'n to fill the Buddha's belly
now here me out… wouldn't it be more prudent…and far more practical…time wise let's say…if this REALLY needs to be part of the gong show…(i mean ceremonial festivities)…to only let the catatonic crowd take what they need to devour…and leave the rest for the sacrificialess ceremony?
cuz trust me…fer us new comers forced into this atmosphere under false pretenses or those who've gathered cuz they have no clue what to do with themselves religiously…you see someone come’n at you with a plate of…
twigs and berries…i’m sorry…but g*d or no g*d...it's hungry hungry hippo time at this point of the game…let the g*d find his or her own table scraps…i was hungry!
and apparently so was the one sitt'n next to me…cuz when the waiter came
back fer the offer’n…there was none to be had...ummm…sorry charlie!
now i may sound like i got a stick up my Vishnu...
but hey……ya never get a second chance to make a first impression...
well…unless of course yer Pete Burns from "you spin me around" fame
when Boy George was inspired by the hari krishna's and Buddha
back in the early 90's with his short lived band JESUS LOVES YOU
and wrote a complete album of songs with the tambourine players in mind
called "THE MARTYR MANTRAS"..."BOW DOWN MISTER" was sorta the top 10 long distance dedication to the religion
but unlike most organized religions look'n fer hand-outs…from my quick classes via wikipedia…this is the one that seems less about condemn'n non heterosexual man on non heterosexual man action …say'n that ALL sexual gratification will not lead you to the "path of enlightenment"…which is where apparently they wanna go in their next life
upon further exploration though...turns out that the reign’n Dali Lama...
who soon will be reliquish'n his crown…stands by the traditional Buddhists rules about sexuality
that the 69 position...
butt pirate'n...
and shillelagh schlack'n...is forbidden by ANYONE!
well…that leaves me out from ever contribute’n or convert’n to their cause…i’m sorry…but i can find more ways to enlightenment with my rusty ol' right hand!
so in close’n…glad those that do practice this form are less judgmental than most store bought religious brands...but currently i have no plans on join’n this hocus pocus focus group anytime soon either in the future...
kapeesha Ganeesha!
you worship your religion as much as you see fit yer way...
practice it without preach'n it…
BUTT...
puhleez...get off my dress!
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