now that the holiglazed season is upon us ONCE again...
i couldn't be more PLEASED!
well i could be...but i'm not (or more like i wasn't at these particular moments in time) when i found myself flumble'n thru emails from xmas's past
from those who were grinchy...
to those who were penny pinchy...
it wasn't hard to not to be just a lil Finchy!
reason #1 GRINCHY
what started out as a very simple dedication to my ALL TIME fav-o-rit...
biggest musical act in the universe a few months back...who incidentally...is a true genius with his words i might add...on his fan forum site...had turned into an all out battle of the last word with some depraved stalker on the other side of the planet
now...i myself...had experienced fan hysteria many a time before...
from my one fan...i mean...i am THEE UNINTENTIONALLY INTERNATIONALLY UNKNOWN PERFORM'N ILLUSIONIST OF MY OWN UNIVERSE after all...i get it...but some of these fans of the forums take it WAY too serious...and it can get way too U-G-L-Y at the drop of a hat...but this total asswipe...half way around the globe...with the maturity level of a grape...just made it personal!
i think Miss Benetar said it best when she stated in her operatic rock tone
the gloves came off...and i gave him a good left hook with a sassy upper cut
the follow'n is the actual archival footage...his response is in blue...
call'n ME a "stupid cunt" just cuz i hadn't placed my comments in the correct section of the forum?...oh kitten p-u-h-l-e-e-z!...i have been called many many MANY things over the years...
but putt'n me in the same category as this loud mouthed scarecrow propaganda pussywart...i think someone's got one too many crotch crickets camp'n out in their culottes...i don't think so missy!...SO OF COURSE...I...wanted to get in the last logistical jab
not realize'n my fan base was much bigger than her genitals...
he finally hadda give up and bow down before me!
reason #2 PENNY PINCHY
it's a rarity i will ask fer a hand out...i would rather give than receive...
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in MOST circumstances...but there are those rarely exceptional occasions
so come'n home one nite...only to find out i had no home to come home to durin' my pre unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe years...i hadda grow up really fast...really quick...but
i figered it out on my very own...from live'n in the back end of my one time only non homosexual relationship w/Cricket's side paneled station wagon fer a week...til her aunt found me one sunday morn'n before church and set up a bed fer me in their basement...
to hopp'n from bedrooms to broom closets...to anywhere i could to lay my head down and count sheep...
from dumpster dive'n fer my dinners...
to collect'n enough pop cans and sell off what lil possessions i had left to get the latest look at the local charity shop...so i'd be the most visually stimulate'n vagabond on the street...(you either get it togetha...or yer gonna loose it!) it made me who i am today and i wouldn't want it any other way...but i also would N-E-V-E-R wanna relive that past again
that is until recently...when i was head'n outta town and fergot my mind along with my wallet and once again flashed back to what it was like 25 years ago...try'n to figer it all out all over again...and from my personal experience...some people get funny about money...no matter how much they brag about how much they have...i've learned to live without it...
so i hadda pull out my grovel shovel and dig fer the right words fer a measly$20 fer gas and road trip nibbles w/a certain family member...though it worked out in the end...i was left feel'n like i had just starred in a mini dramarama
reason #3 FINCHY
online date'n these days is like order'n thru a sexually depraved drive thru
my last order wasn't necessarily a new order...i've ordered the same thing by mistake before...but this particular order surprised me and tasted so good since it had been so long...that i thought i was done pull'n up to the drive thru...that is until what i had ordered turned out to be a whooper...
the menu is a smorgasbord packed full of whatever you desire...with everyone lay'n out their options...
it takes out the guess'n work at what will work fer you at the moment...or fer the long haul
sometimes you want somethin' to tide you over til the next breakdown...and other times yer happy with order'n the same ol' thing...but as long as yer just drive'n thru...you have no moral commitments to anyone but yer own
with WAAAY too many layers fer me to digest!
turns out the whooper wanted to get back on the griddle until he was "fried out"...and eventually had to be take'n off to "cool" himself off...i did what i could to help out in the process...we would talk about continue'n with this
unstable happy meal if it was what would be the best thing on the menu fer us both...after the cool'n process was completely over
once the first part of the cool'n process ended and the 2nd half began...he apparently went back and super sized his paranoid fries...but unfortunately i was in no mood to try any of them out...i'm not a nun...nor am i a nympho
i'm not say'n i would never order this whooper again...but i really don't need all those extra crazy calories anymore
so until this whooper gets his ingredients in order...
i don't plan on eva eat'n from this unhappy meal again!
now get off my dress
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