Tuesday, September 4, 2018

fair enough?

whadda weekend it was try'n recapture my fade'n youth as much as i
 could...before i gotta start pack'n it in...and if i'm lucky enough...get to enjoy 3 serve'ns of lime jell-o a day at the raisin ranch while i get a complimentary sponge bath by some prune pervie with a nervous tick after my bingo and Matlock marathons

though i hadda over the top look ready to construct fer the fair...it's fair 
enough to say...since mother nature decided to fuck up my plans...i opted fer a less than stellar but apparently an equally controversial conversation piece..cuz i ended up gett'n accosted at the MN state fair by some saturated fat and wal-mart runway beauty who simply asked me "WHY?"...i simply replied "WHY NOT"...before i went into some spastic rage and kicked her in the kitty box...luckily i had my security detail with me to hold me back

the Thompson Twin...Tom Bailey...surprised me how good he was live...
and it was nice to see him help'n out fellow 80's gals Banarama as his back'n band (or the equivalent looks of them anyways)...B52's blew me away...(unlike my last date) but of course the pinnacle of the even'n was see'n CULTURE CLUB (fer the 6th time)...and as always they DID NOT disappoint!

by the time i had soaked the entire nite in...and started count'n sheep...
it was already "time to make the donuts" once again...UGH!...well by that...i mean head to the library to write this blog before my clan of kittens...from each corner of the globe...catstrate me fer not post'n on the recommended monday deadline...cuz i had just left my current last job recently after a gruel'n period of wasted time 
CALGON...take me AWAAAAAAAAAAY!
hey...i was desperately seeking Susan somethin' different...so i knew there was only ONE THING TO DO!

after 8 1/2 inches days of invites to the donut trough...pizza parties and zombie induced meet'ns...i decided the time had come to turn a page...
so i threw caution to the wind...(and whatever his name was my dignity out the door) and decided to shed myself of the corporate chains that have been choke'n the life outta me fer the better part of these 8 1/2 days
(it's never the good 8 1/2 either...is it kittens?)

so by the weekend it was time to recapture the rest of my youth with new old friends and some older old friends at 3 different destinations...i thought to myself..i said self...you can do this...menage 'a trois starts with 3...and you never had problems work'n yer way around them in the past...
so off i began!

1st stop was my dear friend Peetrinella's b'day bash fer lil ol me...
which unfortunately didn't come complete with some monstrous eyesore bouncy kingdom that i would'a preferred...but let's be real kittens...those are nothing but a palace of pink eye...filled with snot noses and chocolate covered phalange imprints...so it's good Peetrinella was think'n out fer my health
though i thought i called ahead to make sure and swore i heard that there was one present at my arrival to escort me into the premises...how surprised was i to find out that once i got there...there was NO security or even the slightest hint of a roped off section fer ME...
and despite the presence of some pre adults present...who...in this day and age...has a damn labor day backyard party without a stripper?...you got yer braces off...I GAVE YOU A STRIPPER!!...Peetrinella we really need'a have a sit down and talk about how to plan a proper backyard surprise bday grill out party so this embarrassment doesn't happen again...kapeesh?

though the nite was disappear'n rapidly...i didn't want it to go down on me
well at least not until i soaked in some jean nate' after bath body splash 1st...besides...the cath-o-lick priests cornered that market already...so it was off to my destination #2

#2 destination was back to my sister-n-law's house where my brother
lives...to spend some really good quality time together with the fam...on each of our cells...oh how presh these unkodak moments will be to remember!
fer once i'd like to come back and be completely caught off guard but pleasantly surprised that i would be judge'n some hot bod contest...as it should be...i mean i am thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe after all...
BUTT alas...i become delusional once again...DAMMIT!
(i'm sense'n a pattern here...aren't you?) 
i shouldn't have to order stock in blue hair rinse and bingo cards yet...fer fucks sake...
i wanna be like Tawny Kitaen in that Whitesnake video with my hair whipp'n in the wind at 65 mph...i'm only gonna be 48 dammit!

where was i?...oh yea..by morn'n i was off to #3...the Minne-Apple
to get ready fer the fair...fair enough?...now get off my dress!

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