made the decision to finally have a lil life alter'n "procedure" (if you will) to better my bein'...OH NO kittens...don't let international stylish tranny icon AMANDA LEPORE put a confused bee in yer over-processed bonnet (i just needed somethin' to distract yer feeble lil noggin fer just a mere minute)
i mean...i may have been obsessed with call'n in sick to school & watch'n
one too many episodes of PHIL DONAHUE back in the 80's since i did consider him my go-to fountain of worldly information...from hang nails to the Honduras crisis...and perhaps i may have thought i was an actual monthly tampon trader trapped in a male form...
when i first set my eyes on perform'n illusionist extraordinaire JIMMY JAMES sing'n live as the one and only MARILYN MONROE on his program back in '87
BUTT...make no mistake
if i was cheated in the "basement" department...i MIGHT'A considered at
some point down the road about turn'n into a mini Amanda Lepore...luckily fer me though...as it turns out...i fortunately WAS NOT!...you can ask any of my satisfied customers (insert evil grin here)
no...so after many documental years of sleepless nites...and medical
contraptions...i decided to go under the knife and have my uvula (which i always thought was some sorta contraceptional contraption that was only found in all those needy tampon trappers...i guess apparently i called in sick fer that segment at school) my completely worthless tonsils...
and my deviant septum removed once and fer all!
so i'll be off recoup'n fer a couple of weeks...in some undisclosed tropical
location (known simply as my quaint lil garden shit box) and under the spell of what i'm hope'n will be many mind numb'n narcotics to kill the tremendous amount of pain i'll be experience'n fer the very first time ever and will not have the clear conscious mind to babble on about any new words of weekly wisdom...that you...my loyal reader...expects promptly every monday afternoon
of course leave it to the wonderful bill'n department to transfer me from
one annoy'n operator to 6 others...to finally gett'n transferred to the sanitation department...cuz no one knows what their job responsibility is...when they're try'na hunt down their latest tinder match & then worried about how many likes they just got on their current FB post about it...when all i wanted to know was if this surgery will be absolutely 100% covered by my insurance...or am i look'n at work'n over time hours on the corner of hooker avenue and desperado junction to cover the cost...
UGH....where the fuck is that damn box of calgon's bohemian bliss when ya really really need it...i ask you?...well...until we meet again...and i know we will...
GET OFF MY DRESS!
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