how the world is run and that you can never be fooled
just like in all those deliciously bad and utterly tackilicious Roger Coreman movies
click here to catch up with what the hell is goin on in part 1 of HUNGER GAMES before move'n on
and now the exhilerate'n conclusion to HUNGER GAMES...
turns out it was 6 bags of somethin' better than make'n our taste buds
dance'n til dawn...it was 6 bags of monetary value...ummmm SCORE!
as we each grabbed 2 bags each...we hopped into Big Lipps ma's car
and hatched a plan...completely ignore'n the mountain of unopened twinkies...as to how we were actually gonna be able to get away with our new found wealth!
1st on the list was to completely alter our looks...by pick'n up 3 different
boxes of hair dyes cuz we were all die'n to change our luscious locks to a completely different shade than we had previous to our life of crime (see...this is where Bonnie & Clyde completely fucked it up if ya ask me) i decided to go with a brassy burgundy if anyone asks
next up was to purchase one way tickets to some foreign country...
at the time i thought Ottumwa Iowa seemed quite quiet plus i could hang with Radar at the local soda shop and talk about his time in the trenches...hey...i just figered if we layed low fer the next 3 to 5 years...
i wouldn’t have to do 5 to 10 in San Quentin...then we could all meet up at some undisclosed rendezvous point but after we figered there was no way Big Lipps wouldn't get his ass kicked if he didn't have the car home before his ma woke up for work...he just dropped me off at home and went on his merry lil way to his
Joan Crawford was gone fer the next 3 days visit'n her brother in Virginia
so it was me and my 3 older brothers that hadda look after our 3 younger sibs and by the time i finally made it home that nite i crawled thru my bedroom window and frantically searched fer scissors to open my 2 bags of coins to see what i had now possessed...turns out...i had 2 full bags of quarters and devised a plan to cash them in but that would have to wait til morn'n
once the younger sibs were stapled to the couch with their ice cream
bucket jammed to the top with their morn'n stomach fillers...
and transfixed onto their fav-o-rit saturday morn'n news program to keep the lil monkeys quiet while i tried to figer the best way to cash in my loot
i went down to the basement and grabbed a handful of mason jars from
Joan's cann'n collection and completely filled up 4 of the large jars to the brim so i packed them neatly in my pack back
and off to the bank i flew before they would close by noon and too my surprise i ended up with 363 spank'n new benjamin's to my name...that was like a million dollars to a 15 year old since my paper route only paid me 38 benjamin's a month to deliver the Winona Shopper
return'n home...the lil monkeys were restless and i was in no mood to
play warden with my new found wealth...so i called Big Lipps up to see what he scored with his haul...turns out it was roughly only 75 benjamin's in nickels...i told him i'd give him 2 benjamin's fer petrol if he would run me to the local record store FACE THE MUSIC (which...incidentally...you millennial's & Gen Z’ers will never really appreciate the 1000's of click click click's of cd cases like us gen X'ers)
once inside...i found myself thee holy grail of money holder's stare'n me right in the face...at the simple low low cost of $7.50...how could i go wrong? this was totally an omen cuz if i never would'a non violently robbed that twinkie truck with my co-conspirators i would most likely never have went into FACE THE MUSIC that weekend and since there was only one dark lavender Culture Club wallet left...it was meant to be
after my holy grail purchase...Big Lipps dropped me off at home
but my younger sibs were once again gett'n restless since the saturday morn'n news was come'n to an end so i decided to be the responsible big bro and hopped on my huffy to the local video rental store and find somethin to keep the monkeys tap dance'n fer the next 3 or 4 hours so i wouldn't be bothered try'na figer out how to wisely invest my new found windfall
after 30 minutes of hunt'n high and low thru the aisles of VHS hell...i opted
fer the feel good flick about some abandoned bungee turd from outer space and if i remember correctly...a lil unknown but equally important cumm'n of age foreign flick "DESIRES OF THE DEVIL" (but that was fer my own personal view'n with some of my friends)
as i brought the tapes up to the counter to pay...i couldn't find my brand
new dark lavender Culture Club wallet contain'n my $355.50 i had left in my back pocket where i kept it...so frantically i ran thru the rental store like a tasmanian devil with turrets...however...after 10 minutes or so of not find'n it i figered i probably dropped it somewhere in the house so i huffy'd my plump and oh so supple A double snakes back home as fast as a hornet from Havana...flipp'n my entire bedroom upside down...i could feel my walls close'n in on me and suddenly felt like the princess trapped in H-E-double hockey stix with no hope in sight of ever find'n my wallet
i could barely catch my breath as i flew back down to the video store
to ask the 2 town whores work'n part time behind the counter if anyone had turned in a wallet to which they both said (in unison i might add) "NO...no one turned in a purple Culture Club wallet!"
waid'a'minute!...i never said what kinda wallet it was at ALL!
the jig was up...i now had realized that i'd been played by a couple of pro's who weren't play'n around so not ONLY did i forgo the video rentals fer my sibs (and that one video nasty fer me and my friends) i also didn't get to relish in my new found wealth any longer and worst of all...
I LOST MY DAMN DARK LAVENDER HOLY GRAIL!
and i'm pretty sure not even Indiana would've been able to solve this mystery
moral of this story is...karma is more than just a chameleon from the 80's
and that twinkies are not the chemically treated deliciousness that we were lead to believe!
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
ps...if the statute of limitations hasn't run out and we can possibly be charged with some sorta armed robbery or high crimes and misdemeanors after all these years...ummm this was all just an alleged dream i fergot to not remember...ever!
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