Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Meet the BEAT

so sorry i'm a day late kittens...but apparently this was a 3 day holiday (without one prezzie too) what's with that?

so anyways...last week on “GET OFF MY DRESS”….i was shamelessly promote’n some fantabulous shows starr’n me KRYSTAL KLEER…along with other incredibly talented gurls like Bitch Flowers…Camille Collins…Esme Rodriguez…Polly from the Hot Buttered Crackers…and the gurl that made KRYSTAL so very very dirty…JACKIE BEAT!!

this blog was written pre-APRIL SHOWERS bring BITCH FLOWERS…so if ya were there…thanx fer come’n…don’t know what i’d do without ya kitten!thanx fer the cocktails…buy’n my buttons…give’n me 10% of yer earn’ns while i was lyp-sync’n fer my life

(if you fergot to do any of the above mentioned or decided to go outta town that weekend…here’s a chance to redeem yerself…you can drop me a donation thru my paypal account at irisheyes3313@yahoo.com i’ll be wait’n fer ya)

now back to the program…

today though…i would like to pay a proper tribute (before ya turn on the tear works…hold on to yer hankie…she’s not dead yet)…this is a live’n tribute to a performer who needs no introduction…to me…but is gonna get one…for you (in case ya just got off the shortbus)
she is the inspiration fer KRYSTAL KLEER’s perspiration…a cross between one of heavens’ fallen angels and hustler magazine…(completely angelic and down right dirty) a vision of distorted visions…a delicate delight of deliriousness…a gal that can make grown men weep and little boi’s *BEEP*
she’s toured with Roseanne Barr and starred in such AMC classic independent films like “WIGSTOCK : THE MOVIE”…”FLAWLESS” with Robert De Niro and Philip Seymour Hoffman…“ADAM & STEVE”… “Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver.” and star of the sensational internet hit tv show “THE CHER and CHAZ SHOW” (check yer local listings for times…wait…scratch that…just google it) so pull out the JIFFY pop and enjoy!
spoof’n melodic classics with such hilarious cult hits like “fat tragic woman”(black magic woman)…“drugs will keep up together”(love will keep us together)… “oh jesus”(oh mickey)… “these boobs were made in taiwan”(these boots were made for walk’n)…and the crowd pleaser… “baby got front” (baby got back) to name a few
i’m talk’n about the original dirty gurl…JACKIE BEAT!

this friday june 3rd …you need not be anywhere else but EPIC nightclub for the EPIC event of the summer with thee ultimate EPIC performer!

“GOLDEN GRRRLS…NIGHT of a 100 DRAG PERFORMERS”…starr’n drag superstar JACKIE BEAT!

"VIP Admission $ 45
includes appetizers, drink samplings, Main Event, souvenir
program, Celebration Dance & gift bag

General Admission $ 30

Diva Booth (accommodates 8) $ 400

$200 Beverage Tab & 4 VIP Admissions

Diva Balcony(accommodates 14) $ 600
$400 Beverage Tab & 6 VIP Admissions

Premium Diva Balcony (accommodates 20) $1000
$500 Beverage Tab & 10 VIP Admissions


an adjudicator (puhleez...that's just a fancy title fer someone who can count properly) will be on hand to induct the 100 bevy of beauties into the GUINESS BOOKS of WORLD RECORDS...such an honor to be honored...i'm honored (well it would be if i ever read that book anyways)
so come be a part of history!

JACKIE BEAT has been entertaining masses til they fall on their asses across the U.S. and Europe for over two full decades with her ass-crack'n comedy and hilarious song parodies.
her one-woman show “Jackie Beat Is A Whole Lotta’ Love” (though i've never seen but assume'n she doesn't lie on her IMB account) ran a record 18 months at the BIG APPLE cabaret club called Fez, and she comes back to the Big Apple each and every year with her award-winning, standing room only holidazzle show….but we FINALLY got her in the Minne-Apple for one nite only!

MADONNA who?…girl puhleez!…i CANNOT wait to meet my JACKIE BEAT!
not enough JACKIE BEAT?…get all yer JACKIE needs at her website here

where you can download her hilarious songs…watch her hilarious videos…read her hilarious blog…follow her hilariousness on twitter and/or find her on facebook...and if yer feel’n super generous…pop on over to her hilarious tip jar…and give her some of yer unused pocket change!

so get yer tickets today and become part of Guinness Book history (for this year anyways) and see the hilarious talents of JACKIE BEAT unfold before yer eyes…she’s HILARIOUS!

feel free to bring me an apple-tini so we can watch her together…but puhleez…watch where yer rest yer heels kitten…cuz if ya get too close…i’m probably gonna ask ya to get off my dress!

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