Monday, June 20, 2011


a lil history lesson fer you kitten…now put on yer think’n cap and smarty britches…pop quiz at the end

originally...“GET OFF MY DRESS”...was the title of my reality show that i submitted to

Roseanne Barr

and Kathy Griffin

(survey says visuals keep you it's less wear-n-tear on the ol' think'n cap...ain't that right kitten!)

years back because i was completely over the flood of brain dead television programming that was out there

shows like “Jon & Kate Plus 8”
should have been titled “John and Kate: gimme a damn headache”

and as if one season wasn’t enough…we were subjected to 4 more seasons…and NOW...a spin-off

just add stupidity and stir...instant fame and fortune

hey…i already experienced the same dynamics when i grew up with dad and mom plus 8 in my family in the 70’s on the farm
where the hell was the camera man for my close-up way back when?
(can ya spot the future unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of her own universe in the crowd?)

as if that wasn’t enough…then we have to try...
“Keeping up with the Kardashians”
which would have been more appropriately titled...
“Keep yer damn clothes on Kardashians”

we can sit back and say they are complete idiots…dressed up like drunken drag queen hookers…make’n absolutely no sense why they are on our nitely programm'n hours in heavy rotation…yet a crap load of millions of viewers and corporations tune in every week…flood’n their bank accounts with millions upon millions in tv time and endorsement deals.

hmmm...and whos' responsible fer that one?

so of course when the rate'ns start to tumble… the neilsen demographic family...(i say you...cuz i don't have tv programm'n by choice)let them double your stupidity by lett'n them spread their stupidity all over new york now...while the other one married an african american to get more demographic dollars

but when ya break it down though…who REALLY is the idiot here?

has our view'n audience gone from fun-to-watch couch potatoes to complete brain dead mashed potatoes?

what happened to television programm’n with all the can't-get-it-outta-yer-head jingle themes like:


Wonder Woman

Laverne and Shirley

square pegs
( was only one season...but our teeenage angst needed somethin' to come down from the "breakfast club" high we all wanted to never end...and was teenage Carrie Bradshaw's break-out performance!)

and who could ferget....the Golden Girls
(the prequel to the the post Sex in the City girls)

at least these shows gave us a snappy tune along with some sorta lesson and/or moral in or about life...that made some sense and would be worth purchase’n on dvd years later

(picture pages...picture pages...time to get yer picture pages...time to get yer crayons and yer pencils...SEE WHAT I MEAN?'s been at least 30 years since i heard that...but it's still fresh as a daisy in my mind)

sorry for the A.D.D where was i?

oh yes...back to the program

so i want a reality show that had a theme song like the good years of themed song tv…had heart and a message…made you think and just accept without question...the things you have never encountered before

so my idea for “GET OFF MY DRESS” was to take 15 in-transition people…(my very close an extremely graphically talented friend Faedre would already be preselected as the winner...since she is in-transition and one of my dearest friends...and deserves to win!)

would be put up in a fancy double wide trailer…
(yes that is my dream home)

the contestants would have started the process or wanted to start the process of change’n their gender identity…but were unable to afford the surgery (after much needed therpay at first of course...this is not like gett'n a tattoo)

they would do various projects and tasks that weren't demean'n to their character and the last one stand’n in the trailer would get the full head-2-toe process turn’n them into the beautiful butterfly they've always dreamed to be

i recently discussed this with Jackie Beat on the way dropp’n her off at the airport a couple weeks back from her 1st fantabulous performance in the minne-apple

she suggested that it was an interest’n show but the name had to be changed as most people in-transition do not (or should not) want to be seen as a freak show… (so "tranny shack" is a no go either?)

she suggested “CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE?”

i’m sold!!

so until that show gets picked up by LOGO or BRAVO tv…come see the reformatted version of

“GET OFF MY DRESS…love is a drag!”

(insert shameless promotion here)…ok...then I WILL!

an UNSCRIPTED script of REAL reality…brought to you in 3D high performing illusionist definition at the Bryant Lake Bowl Theater…


tell'n true stories about an unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist (that’s ME) of her own universe…

it took 15 years of cling’n and claw’n her way to the top… stepping out of the shadows and into her very own dimly lit spotlight …but this unintentionally internationally unknown performing illusionist of her own universe finally made it…sorta!

grow’n up in small…majestic cowtown Winona, MN

known for 3 things…


academy award winning shoplifter WINONA RYDER was named after the town

and of course me…KRYSTAL KLEER

cover’n everything…under the covers…from sex…religion…relationships…and proves love really is a drag after all!

Tickets on sale @ Bryant Lake Bowl Theater Box Office or online @

Fridays July 15, 22, 29 at 7:00pm doors open @ 6:00pm
Thursdays July 21 and 28 at 10:00pm doors open @ 9:30pm

$12 in advance $15 day of show

so get a ticket aboard the catch-up train with this unintentionally internationally unknown performing illusionist of her own universe…KRYSTAL KLEER…as she breaks it down what living the low life in high heels is all about.

Alex...can i have "GET OFF MY is a drag!" fer $500 pleez?
"ok then...answer...what is "where YOU'll be this july 15th,21st,22nd,28th or 29th if yer not die'n a slow death from an ecoli breakout?...pleez phrase it in a form of a question"

"what is "GET OFF MY is a drag!?"

"that is correct for $500"

wait a minute there dare you go by without even click'n on that link i posted above...that addy again is

(click on it now...or someone has to die!)

can’t wait to see you there kitten

No comments:

Post a Comment