Monday, June 27, 2011

time to make the DOUGH...NUTS!

so my surprise…i made it to my 5 year anniversary at my current place of employment without goin’ ape shit on their ass!

ummm…before you start to hum that Cher awful “for he’s a jolly good…” party hats and parade float cheer…save it!

i don’t believe in 5 year plans…heck…i don’t even believe in 5 minute plans…my subconscious has been unconscious for pretty much the past 4 years…11 months…and 29 days

i never thought i could…or would…STILL be corralled in the same cubicle stall…
mon thru fri...9 to 5…

work’n in the concrete jungles of corporate america...

crammed amongst the elevator comedians and skyway stalkers

you know…the type that trap you in hell for the next 30 seconds…while yer being lifted to yer own personal cubicle of hell...

try’n to give their best 2-drink minimum routine to the crowd of cackle’n heels desperately search’n for dinner and a diamond or that one needle in a haystack you’ve noticed over the past 5 years amongst the herd of bad boy band haircuts and poly blends that you finally had a chance encounter to meet outside of the downtown mousetrap maze only to find out he has the emotional commitment of gnat!

my job is no different…or earth shatter’n…or even remotely entertain’n like most downtown jobs…(well except for the ones called ‘blow”)…which i can safely say… i have never applied for…yet!

i have a nice boss fer a change…but we’ve all worked with a co-work’n henchman who make’s you wish you had the strength of Doralee Rhodes…Violet Newsteadd and Judy Bernly fer a day…to hunt them down… hog tie ‘em to a chair…and purposely mix up the box of sticky-n-sweet with rat poison while pour’n ‘em a cup of sanka

plus...he has the personality of a dollop of mayonnaise

and no office would be complete without a Roz Keith
i believe 2 are employed with me

i’ve worked with the variable poo-poo platter of the invasion of the “burbanation” during my stay here at florescent bulb heavens in hell…and have heard just about every story i can handle...

from kids
and casseroles…

to ball games

and break downs…

as they do their daily feed at the donut trough

the work force has forced us to OD on PC ness…so say’n things like…“unless yer gonna talk about Madonna or cock…you got know business spew’n yer business…cuz it’s none of my business!”…would not be advisable at this portion of the game

the very small handful i have had contact with outside of the work space have been entertain’n to be around...but we’ve not reached to the level of “free range” conversations like i have had with all my past places of employment…and that’s fine with me these days

now before you go say’n i should be grateful i have a job in this economy…and 5 years is a good accomplishment…and that it’s a milestone that corporations like to reward …YES…i know how hard it is to have a job…let alone keep one these days…but this is my blog…so save me yer speech!

but let’s talk about this “reward” fer a minute

“REWARD” as defined by WIKIPEDIA which has a merried of definitions…but this one best describes my situation…says “offered as an incentive”

so what’s my dedication of 5 years of feel’n like it’s “time to make the donuts” on a daily basis worth?

and the incentive to continue down the same beige path as those before me have?

the HUGE party hat and parade float feel’ns that should tickle me pink...

has been reduced to pick’n out from a single page…some refried crap that’s been picked over by past honorees…collect’n dust in the basement…adorn’n the company logo just to mock you as a testament to remind you of yer misery!

ummm…yea…no thanx!

i’ll play the “game” cuz i have to in order to survive…(well…that is…until i get the lotto numbers right or some wealthy long lost relative leaves me a comfortable fortune)
but don’t count on me at the company picnic to punch the piñata with acceptably outlined witty banter

WTF?...OMG...MGMT needs to stop with the BS HR PC OD’n…

and just give what we really want (scratch that) NEED...

a hooker

or a holiday fer a reward…

otherwise…just get off my dress!

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