welcome to my 3rd world...

1st ever F*CKTARD awards

(my 1st world bein' reality...the 2nd world bein' work)

these awards will go to those recipients worthy of being a complete and utterly f*ck'n retarded A double snake when it comes to hand'n out advice

this will not be a yearly event mind you...like those other award shows...
just cuz there's usually too many to give out in one nite...and we would completely run out of time...it'll just be random when i see fit

plus..the only red carpet these winners deserve to see (metaphorically speak'n of course...sensless violence solves nothing...besides...rarely anyone can pull off an orange jumper) is their head being pummeled by my stiletto's try'n to kick some sense into them...while look'n absolutely stunn'n in some sassy floral gaultier gown of course like this

"oh look...there's Tom Cruise"

"hey Tom...i didn't expect to see you here...but then again...you haven't exactly made a believable film since "the firm"...goin' bat shit crazy ruin'n Oprah's couch a few years back didn't help you none...nor did steal'n Katie from the "CREEK" to turn her into yer zombie bride to thwart the disbelievers...add to that...that one time you tried to stop that one episode of "south park" about you...well...i guess you need whatever exposure you can get...good luck in there"

"hey...well if it isn't good ol Shirley Phelps-Roper"

"i was wonder'n when you were gonna show up!...wouldn't be an award show without'cha kitten...looks likes someone's been cann'n tomatoes...or is that just the blood splatters from the children you beat into submission to believe the true mean'n of the scriptures?...wow i see ya got some new adverts...very bright and cheerful colors this season i see...now is that website on yer shirt where one would go to if they were an alter boy look'n fer retro active payments perhaps?...and tell us Shirls...i can call ya Shirls right?...who made that purdy lil bolero yer wear'n tonite?

"look there's Michelle Bachmann everyone...come'n out to support her man...in a beautiful custard sleeveless straight jacket...hey laaady...that jacket only works when the sleeves are attached"

"hey Michelle...over here...over here Michelle...hey what's with the hands?...well...it looks like...yep...she's try'n out fer Evita pt.2 the satanic scriptures...i read somewhere Paris Hilton was up for that part...but i guess she said it wasn't hot enough"

"hey Michelle...is it true...you couldn't take all that corn dog down...
but Marcus swallowed in all in one gulp off camera?...inquire'n minds what to know"

"it looks like everyone's goin' inside...hey wait a minute...is that..that Casey Killer...i mean ummm Anthony...

"wow...didn't expect to see her here...don't most acquittals try and stay outta the spotlight?...but she does got a bright future ahead of her...i even heard that Larry Flynt fella is offer'n her a half a mill to pose...and book deals...and i'm sure the W.E. network has already approached Night Court fav-o-rit Markie Post to play the confused...distraught...cover-up mother"

"well...in any case...that's a smart carrdigan she's got on...i mean look at the ribb'n on that sweater...you don't see that much these days...of course you would know a little about ribb'n ...wouldnt'cha Casey?...opps...
look's like we're not gonna have any more time...just like her daughter"

welcome to tonite's broadcast of the 1st ever F*CKTARDS awards

tonite's award show is being brought to you by the makers of DOOSH A-WAY

the miracle mood enhancer guaranteed to work FAST...be long lasting and turn your dud into a STUD in no time...or your money back!

and the nominees are :

Marcus Bachmann

though he has earned his nomination...i'm afraid this one just isn't big enough fer him

Dick Cheney

with his new book and admissions to waterboard'n...he'll get his own award soon enough hopefully

Dr. Keith Ablow

(hmmm...who is this man?...seems too hot to be anything but)

and the winner is (ohhh...i'm so nervous)

and here's why...

so this graduate of Brown University and the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine shit-4-brains recently released a statement urge'n parents to NOT let their children watch the new season of "DWTS"

just cuz this guy is on it

he basically said in a recent interview on FOX news

(hey i read it fer humor)

basically state'n that some children watch'n...who may be wonder'n about their own "sexual/gender identity"...will feel maybe they too need to have the surgery at some point in their life to feel complete

this also included "children who have sustained the losses of loved ones and are wrestling with depression, perhaps wondering who they are absent their deceased mothers or fathers"

thank CHER...fer...well CHER!!

"I support him no matter what he chooses 2do...It took courage to do DWTS!" CHER tweeted

CHER added "mothers don't stop getting angry with stupid bigots"

CHER asked all her 340,000 followers to pledge their support for CHAZ on other social media sites

(and she just got bumped up to 341,000)

so this dick-4-brains douche rag adds

"i would have teamed up with a spiritual counselor...if that seemed indicated...and if all that failed...and if Chaz Bono wanted either to kill herself or to undergo gender reassignment surgery...i would have taken that journey with her too...i would have talked her parents through the hell of it. We would make the best of it...somehow...with enormous compassion and love and God’s help...we would get through it."

*DING*DING*DING*

so this cock breath with a BA in BS pretty much is play'n a game of double standards with his indoctrination of religion verses gender identification

ummm...yea...congradulations doc

but don't take my word for it...read his full diagnosis

thanx fer come'n to the 1st ever F*CKTARD awards...any other worthless opinions can completely get off my dress!