Monday, June 18, 2012

more refried crap on toast?...thanx!

i have gone without tv since the beginn'n of the new century...
oh i have a tv...but what i mean by that is...i have not taken one penny outta my hard earned purse to pay fer television programm'n...cuz fer the past 12's just been all refried crap on toast...simply put!

since i've moved back on my very own 2 years ago...(hopefully fer the last time)...i've had ZERO desire to waste my fun money on the brainmush that they...the television corporate toads...serve to you on a daily basis
ever since the cancellation of original mellow drama "Melrose Place" in 1999

don't get me wrong...there still are some talented writers in hollyweird that can come up with an original concept program that makes sense and keeps the attention deficet disorder crowd like myself interested...BUT...thanx to the genius that decided to release tv on dvd...i no longer have to be told what purchase i need to make me happy or what drug to take as long as i'm mentally incapable of make'n my own decisive decisions fer myself
(yes...i f*ck'n hate commercials)

plus...most nightly programm'n these days is "reality" tv...which is made to turn yer think'n cap into marmalade preserves...which i have NO interest in!

now where was i...oh huge shows i can watch on repeat over and over that are worthy of my attention are...
                                                     drum roll pleez....

in the comedy category :

"HOT IN CLEVELAND"...starr'n the last beloved "Golden Girl" Betty White
also starr'n "One Day At A Time" alumni Valerie Bertinelli..."Frasier" famer Jane Leeves and "Just Shoot Me" former supermodel Wendie Malick

in the dramady category:

Mary-Louise Parker in "WEEDS" and Edie Flaco in "NURSE JACKIE"

in the suspenseful drama series...a 3 way (my fav-o-rit guilty pleasure) tie:

60's cocktail hour hit "MAD MEN"...oh so sexy serial killer "DEXTER"...

and the hot blood suckers and deliscious werewolves of "TRUE BLOOD"

and in the over rated but entertain'n "reality" fluff category:

the bitchy housewives of maybelline county on "RuPaul's Drag Race"
(hey it's all in the name of research kittens...nothing more than that!)

remake's in movie's are a point...whether it be that technology wasn't there at the time...or try'n to relate it to the current generational gap as concepts and societal situations change dramatically during a decade

case in point : The Amittyville Horror" in 1979
the original was scary as hell...gave me the chills when i would watch it in the dark...and James Brolin (at the time) was complete grrrrravey train!

but "The Amittyville Horror" remake in 2005
was much more freakier as Ryan Reynolds...
MEEEE-OUCH!(Ryan...if you read can call me anytime...i'm listed)

but...this can also be a complete f*ck'n i'm not even gonna start with the greatest sci-fi master piece of all time that was retouched
if you were born after 1997...and seen the "enhanced" version of this re-released master piece classic...sit down and SHUT the F*CK UP....OK!

though some movies deserved and desperately needed a makeover...this has never really transended that well when done on the small screen

case in point:

Linda Carter as 70's super hero sex kitten "Wonder Woman"...sizzle'n
Adrianne Palicki as the new sex bomb crime fighter?...yea right!...the only thing they got right with this remake is that is was a BOMB! didn't even make it outta the pilot premier stalls...the hair was as limp as as my last date...(hasn't that hairdresser heard of back-comb'n and aqua net?) and the $2 super hooker look?...just looked like a huge dolup of refried crap!

70's detective babes...Farrah...Jacquline and Kate of "Charlie's Angels"
have nothing to worry about with refried crappers Annie...Minka and Rachael of 2011...from ever steal'n their thunder...since these detectives were canned after only 4 shiteous's a hint...just cuz ya try and make it into a united colors of benetton ad...doesn't mean it'll work

besides...NO ONE will ever replace this ashy blonde feather flipper
                                          so don't even try to!

"love...exciting and new...come aboard...we're expecting you"...and we were when originally "The LOVE BOAT" set sails back in 1977 until 1986
the remake LOVE BOAT:the next wave...felt the same fate of the Titanic after only one can't make refried crap float!

that hairy hotness known as the HOFF and his cool car KIT in "Knight Rider"
raced at high speeds fer 4 successful years...til the HOFF turned in his car keys fer a flotation device...but the remake in 2008 with Justin Bruening as the HOFF's estranged son...though a plausible concept...crashed after just one season...cuz it was just too much refried crap for anyone to care again

from 1992 til 1999...i wanted to live no where else but at "Melrose Place"
though some original cast members...Michael and Sydney...might've roped in some nostalgic viewers with the new would luckily only last one season...and the reason for 1 season...2 words : ASHLEE SIMPSON!
total refried crap-o-la on toast...did the writers not see her SNL failure?

and how can you not LOVE the original family of fright...."the Munsters"
Herman...Lily...Grampa...Eddie and Marilyn (which i got to meet Grampa...
Eddie...and Marilyn in Anoka back in 2003 on a halloween hayride) were the epitome of the friendly family of freaks...but the remake crappily titled "Munsters Today" that came out in 1988 and unfortunately lasted 3 seasons... was THEE worst of all remakes ever made...this new family was not freaky friendly at all...but more like a debbie downer syndrome parade of "who cares" actors

recently i found if they didn't learn from any of the past mistakes of original series...NBC wants to reboot the "the Munsters" yet again...into an hour long show...that has less to do with the original campiness that won the hearts of millions in the 1960's thru today...and make it a more darker and edgier drama series...WOW!...really?

(say...can you smell that?...smells like...ummm...refried crap again don't it?)

who ever said that 3 times a charm...LIED!

and here's who they have slated fer the recast'n into this crappy remake
Ferris Bueller's best friend Herman and some other washed up the rest of the "who cares" cast

and as Herman's bride Lily's Ellen's wife Portia de Rossi
though i loves me some Portia...i just ain't buy'n it!

*UPDATE*...since i 1st start'n research'n this story...HERMAN has changed hands and is now being played by "stand by me" hottie Jerry O'Connell
and though i loves me some Jerry...i'm still'll be just another huge pile of refried crap on toast!


quit make'n my beloved television programm'n into refried crap on toast...

and ps...come bitch with BITCH this sunday @ 7...i'll be there sell'n her refried crap...say hey and buy some stuff!

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