Monday, July 29, 2013

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!

"i work and work 'till i'm half-dead and i hear people saying..."
"she's getting old."...and what do i get?...
a daughter who cares as much about the beautiful dresses i give her...
as she cares about me....
what's wire hangers doing in this closet?"
"wire hangers...why? WHHHHHHY?
Christina...get outta that bed!"

there have been many epic battles of evil over the innocent thru out time

fer instance....
Vader vs Kenobi

Gargamel vs the Smurfs

Packers vs the Vikes

Salt vs Pepper

but no battle has been as epic or as evil as the recent one between...
North Carolina...and 

North Carolinians kitty cats 

apparently kittens...as of last week...the republiCANTS from the Senate
in this ding-da-da-ling-da-da-ling-ling state decided to be republiCANS and use their sneak tactics by not inform'n the public of their intentions and do whats in their best interest
(mainly to appease their G*D CASPER's rules no doubt) 

regard'n yer fallopian curly slide...to A-OK the new abortion laws...

which would see the closure of ALL but 1 clinic outta 16 in the entire state due to new abortion restrictions they've laid out

of course the blame doesn't entirely fall on the Senate...
cuz the House snuck it in under the radar by attach'n yer snatch cycle to a motor cycle bill without ANY public notice first

so why are these mostly middle aged non reproductive GOP'ers...
(and the unfortunate submissive "sugar walls" that support them)

tell'n you kitten's how to run yer reproductiveness...
and pretty much redefine'n what you will be doin with the easter egg in yer basket?

cuz what...back alley abortions are inexpensive and cost the state nothing?
a game of go fish to get rid of what YOU wish not to have is fun?

have'n yer belly used as a punch'n bag is more therapeutic?

but North Carolina is not alone...OH NO!


thing is...if you can ONLY dipense a pile of shit from yer orafice...
YOU SHOULD SHUT UP!...cuz yer pretty much just full of it!

and of course leave it to the EXTREME FAR RIGHT in North Dakota...

i mean...i've had more kids ripped outta me...than a preschool on fire!
well...that might be a bit of an exaggeration...i am still a virgin...after all!
(insert laugh here...or anything else fer that matter *snicker snicker*)
but you get my point dont'cha?
(text me yer number...i will call YOU!)
as long as yer in the contimental United States of the Middle Aged...oh... 
and a tooth chipper!

wait...i'm gett'n off track...where was i?...oh yea...

listen up you pasty white non reproductive GOP mother fuckers...
leave the playground if ya can't place nice...THIS AIN'T MY FIRST TIME AT THE RODEO!


if adopted children are the luckiest...cuz they were chosen...
and there is already an OVER ABUNDANCE of unwanted kids

then i say... 
and get off my dress!

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