Monday, March 28, 2016

ARSCHLOCH!

sounds so "je ne sais quoi" when said in french...even though the title is in german...but once you figer out the translation...it just means: asshole

there's always that one lil kitten that'll pounce on those who are weak
just to prove that they are a total A double snake hole to their friends...it's an annoy'n but all to often an acceptable passage into teenage life...kids just being kids!

BUT there are those that NEVER grow up...and what is a butt...
but an asshole full of shit!

i had fergotten about most of my teenage angst and ridicule that i suffered at the hands of certain peers thru-out high school...like most do once they
leave the shell of their former self...that is until one particular incident reminded me some people never grow up...
and it made me hop on my huffy bike and remember how cruel a certain portion of the prepubescent pimple charade parade can really be to their generational flock

after a much deserved nervous breakdown durin' my religious education in 10th grade...i got my pink slip to finally attend public education...after being forced to attended J-man high school fer the past 3 years of my life
(FYI...the prepubescent pimple population AIN'T any better in the J-man schools)

by my 3rd month at public education...most of my friends that i had acquired pre-high school...were no longer interested nor remembered who i was...
and i couldn't blame them...I WAS NO LONGER the "Kermie"..."mohican" or
any of the other countless nicknames i was christened durin' grade school (i will have to say to their credit...as far as nicknames went...i pretty much went unscathed...unlike alot of the easier targets)

but 3 years and puberty later...we ALL changed...physically...mentally...
and socially...why not!...i no longer sported the Richie Cunningham cut...sitt'n at the lunch table across from my 2 friends from my previous life

it's was the 80's after all...and i'd built a shield of ownership and absolute
 independence...thanx in part to the wondrous worlds of my 2 hero's...Mr. O'Dowd & Miss Ciccone...whenever i was down i would lock myself in my room for hours...turn'n my boombox to ear pierce'n high (or maybe that was my voice) torture'n brainwash'n my household as i auditioned on my own stage 
with the help of sister's strawberry shortcake mirror and hairbrush that i repossessed fer her make'n a mess of our sleep'n quarters

i had tossed away my depression pants and suppression blouse i had worn for 3 years in J-man school...and was now a tick'n time bomb that finally
exploded all over everyone around me since i was no longer shackled to the bible stories comic book of casually convenient oppressiveness's or under any religious fashion police regime...and became the singer of the very sound of my hometown along with my psychotically artistic genius and friend Dr. Bob...fer one memorable nite only...in the ASTRO PUSSYCATS

a force field of aqua net held up my crown of spikes atop of my head...
and i thought nothing or no one could huff or puff or blow my balance down

that is...until 7:45 am one morn'n

Wendy and Shelly (not to be confused with Wendy and Lisa from Prince)
but incidentally...i met a Lisa who was my 1st newly acquired friend that day...(now where was i)...oh yea...so their eyes popped outta their heads
like some Ren & Stimpy cartoon...after what they had just witnessed in front of them

feel'n a slight breeze pass the top of me...i noticed someone runn'n away like some alter boy from a confessional...confused...i had asked them both
"what just happened?"...runn'n my hand across the back of my head...i felt one of the spikes in my crown...was no longer around...and there was no dr. suess rhyme that could possibly calm me down

the blood rushed to my head like i was about to rip outta my clothes...
so i immediately had to make a decision...since i spent a good hour prior to school perfect'n my image to be seen (as those in the pimple parade do)

do i go ape shit and Columbine the entire pimple parade in my sight?
or do i have a nuclear meltdown and spontaneously combust?

since i didn't pack my sawed off shot-gun (well Bambie cured me of that)
and i knew physcially...i could be snapped like a pea pod...so i darted fer the nearest exit before the 1st tear would ever hit the lunch room floor

by the time i made it home...i didn't care what anyone thought anymore and the flood gates opened...i could barely form a sentence relive'n the horror to Miss Crawford...who wondered why i was home from school so early...
but i wasn't expect'n the response that i was given by my parental adviser
"if ya wanna look like an ass...ya get what you deserve!"
(and unfortunately...that is a direct quote)

so i hopped on my huffy bike to my best friend's palatial palace...
in the house'n projects and luckily his ma Sis...in her daisy dukes...puff'n away on her marlboro...gave me a completely different slice of advice cake to eat...
"you sue that mother fucker and tell the judge you were grow'n yer hair to be in a rock band!"
(and YES even though it's been over 30 years...i still remember that quote)

WOW!...that was the straw the broke this non heterosexual's timid shell
i had my Judge Judy moment 3 months later...
and acquired a new crop of cool friends along the way

it was THEE event of the decade that year...the punk versus the prep
or at the very least...in my pre unintentionally internationally unknown universe's head...it had never been done before...but i was not gonna back down...i had my fair share of threats thrown my way from the treacherous ticks try'na talk me outta it...i had heard years later...a portion of the school had placed 2 to 10 odds that i was even gonna win
BUT...(hey...i thought i was loose'n you)
fuck me gently with a chainsaw...i had zero desire to let anyone pull off my scrunchy again...i was gonna let all know who i was!

and even though i had only won $37 outta the $2500 i was ask'n for...
(hey i was 16...i was goin for the big bucks anyway i could) i wanted outta dodge A.S.A.P. and start my own destination...written by my own rules...far away from the backwater mentality of some small cow-town crap

i've since become the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n
illusionist of my own universe...as you very well know...and no one's rays can harm me anymore...so don't waste yer breath...and just get off my dress!
ps...this is fer repossess'n my lil sis's strawberry shortcake beauty set many moons ago

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