this one's in the can

wow...it's been awhile since i held the last FUCKTARD AWARDS...but with most of my heavy bowel moments happen'n dur'in this election season...

i figered it was the perfect reason to have a couple of backstreet mud bunny moments and flush out all that crap...who knew unload'n a load could be so fun

i decided since i didn't have time to contact any designers fer a fabulous frock to showcase on the red carpet this even'n...or be bothered by it either

that i would just report the show live from my couch...kick'n back paint'n my phalange caps and hellish hooves in a stunn'n muu-muu worn by the late great Mrs. Roper

welcome once again to the 7th annual FUCKTARD AWARDS...

tonite's telecast is sponsored by "DAMN TIGHT JEANS"

DAMN TIGHT JEANS are so tight...they'll feel like a home hysterectomy kit

and by the maker's of  the all new and improved "HAMMOND 2000"

recommended by 2 out of 1000 carpal tunnel suffers...and 100 out of 100 post masters would agree...you'll never have to worry about loose'n yer train of thought...like you thought

can we get the lights down pleez?...thanx...and tonite's nominee's are...

that walk'n cliterectomy cougar...Miss Fail'n Palin...puhleez give it up fer 'merica's fav-o-rit dr. suess'n crossword puzzle'n explosion of stupidity...well cuz no one else really did in cheddar county recently when she drove her crazy train there to stump fer TRUMP...but after 3 minutes in...most of the audience just wanted to take a dump...even the crickets left the build'n before she was half way thru her screech speech

next up...cartoon DONALD...fer cause'n childish coercesions recently...

as a guest on the Late Show w/Stephen Colbert and ruin'n saturday morn'ns fer all the lil kittens and their inbred intellectuals that spawned them

though it was never part of my beauty palette when beat'n my face up...

i will never look at you the same again orange bronzer

and the wiener goes to...oh...i'm so unenthusiastically nervous kittens...

you would think by the prior nominee's this even'n...that i would'a give'n the FUCKTARD AWARD to this loud mouthed sexist egotistical lying hypocritical bigot'd baboon...fer his recent remarks regard'n a woman's right to an abortion and recieve'n some sort of  complimentary punishment

BUTT...you'd be wrong...

though he tried to back track his ridiculously ludicrous diarrhea...he pretty much just pissed off both sides of the pro life/pro choice movement...

no...the winner of the 7th annual FUCKTARD AWARD goes to the loud mouthed sexist egotistical lying hypocritical bigot'd baboons parents...fer NOT have'n an abortion 69 years ago and save'n the mashed potato minds of millions who are too busy try'na figer out why "keep'n up with the kankersoredashians" or ANY "real housewives of whatever county" haven't been nominated fer an oscar yet!

now i ain't here to try and sway ya one way or another how to vote kittens

YER VOTE IS YER RIGHT (or consequence)...all i'm say'n is...i think Kate sums it up best fer me....thanx fer tune'n in...so until next reason fer my award season...get off my dress!