Monday, January 8, 2018

the secret ingreedients

when it comes to suffer'n fer the sake of the bake...
Betty Crocker is right up there with all the fake bakers thru-out the land

there's ALOT to be said about expensive tastes when it comes to
just desserts...fer instance...the NOKA chocolates...made from the finest of pedigreed cocoa beans...hand plucked by many Peruvian whistle children of Borneo...from the highest mountain tops of Ecuador...Venezuela and Trinidad...can set ya back over a cool $850...PER POUND!
i'm sorry...but the only cocoa i'd be dropp'n that kinda benjamins on is one Miss Peru
(but no more than $85 w/a meet & greet and perhaps a complimentary "paddy whack" from the back)

if chocolate ain't particularly part of yer palette...maybe perhaps
a golden opulence sundae on a saturday nite from New York's Serendipity 3 restaurant might make yer taste buds dance until dawn...cost'n you a pretty hefty handful of pennies...10 million to be exact (that's 1000 benjamins fer you slow pokers)
but if i'm gonna spend $1000 on somethin' ain't come'n in a glass'll be come'n on my face

perhaps choke'n down on $14,500 worth of mouth water'n artistry...
complete with a bejeweled 80 carat aquamarine and served with a side of mango and pomegranate more bang fer yer can purchase this sweet treat at the Wine3 Fisherman Stilt restaurant in beautiful downtown Sri Lanka...tell em the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe sent ya...ya might get a discount...ya might not!
of course personally...i think yer better off sign'n up fer dance classes at the funny farm if yer gonna shell out those kinda coins fer some confectionary delight

but the pinnacle of pastry perfection to wet yer whistle will set you back
just a measly $135,000...or lack there of in this case...and you can find it in the wetlands of...Gresham Oregon?
well that's only cuz of these 2 CASPER crusade'n crocodile tear'n crustaceans tried use'n their "religiously held buffoonery voodoo beliefs" to regretfully make cake...
fer these 2 love'n pie-eat'n parents of 2...who were plann'n a wedd'n 4 days after it was legalized in Oregon back in 2014...just cuz Aaron decided this same sex couple were "abominations" and that is a direct quote he told one of the the mothers of the couple who returned 2 days later to reason with these religiously rectal wipes

the cankerous couple tried desperately to contact their voodoo...
voice of reason...unfortunately...CASPER had other pressing matters to worry about...
like whether or not Paris Hilton really was the reincarceration of veteran caricature actress Joan Van Ark at the golden globes last nite...
or whether OPRAH has a snowballs chance in H-E-double hockey stix to defeat and humiliate #45 for the WHITE HOUSE in 2020 (if he ain't been locked up by then) their annoy'n calls went straight to voicemail and were never returned... 
if there is a lesson to make from this very expensive lesson kittens
it's this...make'n the fuck'n cake or post a sign in yer windows that states yer a total lobotomized  cherry-pick'n'll make it so much easier on everyone else in the end...kapeesh?

now get off my dress! good friend and co-partner who gave me my first taste of fame in the late 80's with our band ASTRO PUSSYCATS...Dr. Bob...made a kill'n between both online and in person benefits from his house fire on NYE morn'n...over the weekend...haul'n in over a hefty $17g's in 5 thanx fer all who helped him and his fam out

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