pinned over their head in decem of 1980 when hot to trot quarterback of the NY Jets FLASH GORDON appeared on the silver screen try'n to beat the live'n shit outta MING's army of snappily dressed hairdressers in a rough role play'n game of "try'n grab my balls Mary"
cuz he [Flash that is] and AA dropout DALE ARDEN were forced far beyond the earth's atmosphere into the outer reaches of the universe...
by psychotically insane twatless anti-vaxxer Dr ZARKOV
who were on an incompetent mission to escape the clutches of MING the MERCILESS and save the planet earth from total devastate'n destruction
just so they could tell their harrow'n adventures on "PHIL DONAHUE SHOW"
though personally...i always saw myself as the saucy PRINCESS AURA
gallivant'n around in that skimpy tin foiled barely there bondage wear hardly enough to keep a tit mouse dry in a drizzle with a collection of colorful marabou boa's at her side..parade'n around her chained pet gimp fer everyone's amusement
unfortunately...MING's been have'n fun with the planet earth's destruction consider'n we were left hang'n with his alleged demise at the end of the flick!
ever since that infamous Mtv moon land'n on august 1st 1981...there has
been hundreds of billions of benjamins wasted on explore'n the vast gases of outer space fer no other reason than to oooh and ahhh the masses sitt'n on their asses to watch the latest videos from
"THE BUGGLES" to
"THE BANGLES" and everyone in between
so why should the recent exploration of billionaires burn'n thru their hard earned coins to show who's got the bigger balls be any different?
lets begin with british mega billionaire RICHARD BRANSON who got his
claim to fame by open'n VIRGIN RECORDS shops in 1972 followed by his airline and so on...
and struck musical oil owe'n some of his success to one BOY GEORGE who catapulted Sir Richard's career when he signed CULTURE CLUB on as clients in 1982
(let yer fingers do the walk'n and google the rest on yer own)
next up insert billionaire to all things you desperately just can't live without
from scary remote controlled dinosaurs to dinosaur dildo's..JEFF BEZOS earned his beyond comfortable status in life thanx to you...the lazy couch surf n turf'n consumer who couldn't be bothered to drive their tired and often dilapidated A double snakes to mega middle class shopp'n staples of america...
fer the latest and greatest "must have" of the season fer some reason eventually putt'n 'em on the retail chop'n block
so utterly bored with the planet earth and their butt load of benjamins...
both BRANSON and BEZOS decided to show off who's got the biggest balls and built their own super sonic rocket ship to blast off to the planet MONGO...presumably...to search fer MING's ring and though alotta the lil middle class canker sores gave both self earned billionaires alotta bullshit fer waste'n bookoo bucks on their space exploration..IT WAS THEIR MONEY TO SPEND AS THEY SEE FIT THAT YOU THE CONSUMER GAVE THEM...so sit down and STFU!
BUTT...let's be real
if you think fer a minute that either billionaire is try'n to escape the planet's
impend'n doom and destruction...to pulverize you into a puddle of DNA while they live a life of ludicrous luxury in MING's castle...lemme put yer frivolous fears at ease kittens!
fer either of these 2 or ANYONE fer that matter to exist solely in space
it takes roughly a crew of a few thousand astro projectional geeks on the planet earth to constantly problem solve daily on how to keep those who choose to venture into the planet FRIDGIA and hang with Princess AURA alive...
plus they're totally micro managed from sunrise to sunset with their daily life consist'n basically of bounce'n around like helium balloons and forced to participate in a strict exercise routine confined to a small space to keep their bones from turn'n into gristle with only ritualistic birdy baths every few months if they're lucky...
and their beddy bye time is akin to sleep'n in a float'n coffin and don't even get me started on their sacrificial meatloaf to the float'n porcelain god
the longest any human that has actually lived in outer space was astronut
SCOTT KELLY who went on 4 space missions and once spent a complete year of his life float'n around like PRINCE VULTAN on a wasted mission basically sett'n up high speed internet fer the rural pervies so they wouldn't have to deal with dial up ever again (allegedly!)
and decided after a year to pack up his space suit and clean out his locker at NASA so he could enjoy his metamucil martini's...Murder She Wrote marathons and flip thru his AARP catalog in peace!
neither BRANSON or BEZOS are doin A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G to advance that
leisurely JETSONS life style in space that we’ve all dreamt of since the 1960's...this was nothin' more than a dick-swing'n contest that YOU the consumers paid for in full fer the past 30...they will fortunately perish along with the rest of the pitiful pensioners on the planet EARTH...completely without take'n a single penny with them and completely alone!
so in conclusion...you got no one to point fingers at and bitch about all this
wasted billions except yer damn self...KAPEESH! if you don't want billionaires blow'n their billions YOU gave them single-handedly on some ego ridden space race piss'n contest...
get yer lazy dilapidated A double snakes off the damn davenport and BUY LOCAL!
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
No comments:
Post a Comment