a boy called MARILYN

picture it kittens...35 years ago it was 1987 when 4 saucy gal pals from LA

had everyone contort'n on every corner of the globe pose'n like an egyptian hieroglyphic with their certified gold single "WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN"

4 sizzle'n blood suck'n boys from Santa Cruz were terrify'n the locals in the supernatural black comedy horror flick "THE LOST BOYS"

while a radioactive jaundice colored comical family of 4 plus baby appeared as cartoon shorts on the "TRACEY ULLMAN SHOW" fer the 1st time cement'n themselves as one of the longest runn'n cartoon series in history

and i decided to take a mental day from the hell of high school to stay home and watch some "MUST SEE' tv at 8 in the morn’n

after doin my usual OCD mark'ns in our tv guide that i'd do religiously on

every sunday nite to record "THE PHIL DONAHUE SHOW" look'n fer the weeks most interest'n topics i couldn't nor shouldn't miss though this particular week since i hadn't turned in any recyclables to purchase a 6 pack of vhs tape to record the program...i hadda play hooky

the house was completely emptied as Joan was off to work and my sibs

were all in school as far as i knew…though who knows...maybe they had take'n their own mental days somewhere else however this particular morn'n the house was completely quite and completely mine to rule so i could soak up the sites and sounds of who was to be the very 1st female impersonator to leave an enormous impression on my bedroom brown eyes of whom i couldn't take my eyes off of...the extraordinarily seductive JIMMY JAMES as MARILYN MONROE and once the hour was up i knew that my life was completely altered forever and would someday with every fiber of my bein'...i myself would become the unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe KRYSTAL KLEER that i am known as today by my multiple personalities and my biggest fan i’ve never met yet!

i am way beyond thrilled to introduce the one and only JIMMY JAMES

and humbly honored he took some time outta his busy schedule this week fer a lil pow wow with me to open the eyes of my many kittens around the globe so we can all bathe in his beyond brilliant career

so JIMMY tell me when was the 1st moment you realized you wanted to do a proper MARILYN MONROE impersonation as a profession and how was it recieved by the audiences?

i won by a landslide the halloween costume contest in 1981 at the big popular gay bar known as "SUNSET BOULEVARD" it was a cash prize of $250! 

at the time i was working part-time at The GAP. it would have taken me 3 weeks to earn that much money. the next morning i woke up to count the cash again. i couldn't believe it! the crowd went ballistic for me. i blew kisses as MM and smiled and waved but the clencher was when i asked for the microphone and did an accapella of "happy halloween...to you...happy halloween to you..." the audience erupted all over again. it was that moment that i thought, maybe i have something.

who were some of the biggest influences that influenced you to become the absofuckinglutely fabulous female impersonator that the world and yer hard core fans like myself have come to love over the past 35+ years? 

JIM BAILEY for sure. of course his JUDY GARLAND was brilliant 

but his PHYLLIS DILLER was so chillingly accurate. he's the gold standard for female impersonation, for illusion, for doing the voices, for being a consummate actor

you must have oodles of sensational and salacious stories from meet'n fans and celebrities all around the globe since yer rise as MARILYN appear'n on the DONAHUE show...do you have any stories that come to mind that you'd care to share?

oh god your right, i have tons of stories! various straight men making passes at me that DON'T KNOW i'm actually male...

getting PHIL DONAHUE tongue tied...

getting Geraldo to dance with me as MM on national tv. he was very nice and open minded in the late 80's

i'm sure you met a handful of celebrities durin' yer illustrious career on stage...who were some of the biggest celebrities that you've encountered as MARILYN and how was their reaction?

i opened for EARTHA KITT and GEORGE BURNS. he thought he was seeing a ghost. 

in the 90s i finally met my idol BOY GEORGE when he came to my show in Miami. he wanted my boyfriend! LOL! 

i've hung out with DEBBIE HARRY, GRACE JONES, ANDY BELL from ERASURE, 

i've performed for my idols ELTON JOHN and WHOOPI GOLDBERG! so many magical moments.

 recording a duet with BOY GEORGE. it was never released but it's on YOUTUBE called "LIKE YOU DO"

now let's get down to the nitty gritty and reason fer this chit chat...can you tell my audience the excite'n project yer currently work'n on to cement yer legacy as MARILYN?

we are just beginning (with a GOFUNDME) to transfer aging videos and digitize photographs of me as MM. we are planning a documentary: "THE BOY WHO WAS MARILYN" before we can make the doc we have to make a sizzle reel to pitch the project (a demo reel) we've budgeted $9,000 for archiving about 100 tapes and tons of photos. we have to catalogue everything. i'll be busy all summer doing this. people are NOT ready for the visuals i've hoarded over the years.

what do you think of how drag is now thanx to the popularity of that other queens hit tv series as to when you began perform'n and do you have any fav-o-rits?

RuPaul and the World of Wonder have blown drag up HUGE! GLOBAL! my god what i had to go through when i was doing drag...i could not go beyond a certain level. we tried so hard. 

remember this is when AIDS was rampant. people were afraid and homophobic in many ways. it kept me from playing in theaters. lots of opportunities were not offered to me. i made the best of what i had to work with. the MONEY these girls can make now is mind-blowing!

i say to RU and WOW--CONDRAGULATIONS! you achieved what used to be impossible. they made drag acceptable, fun and mainstream. 

i like alot of the new girls: 1st of all BIANCA DEL RIO is GENIUS! ALYSSA EDWARDS,ALASKA,WILLIAM,RAJA,DELTA,TRIXIE.CHAD MICHAELS,LATRICE,JINX,GINGER MINJ 

& WILLOW PILL who cracked me up with "I HATE PEOPLE" i was late to the class because i was too busy. i didn't know who WILLOW was but when she did that number...i thought ok, THAT has to be the winner--i was right. i'm still singing "I HATE PEOPLE" LOL!! 

my other favorites are old school hags: LADY BUNNY, JACKIE BEAT, JOEY ARIAS, SHERRY VINE...these queens can still amaze and entertain the hell out of you

the last 2 years have really take'n a toll on many performers try'na make a paycheck...what did you do during the covid lockdown?

i did a quick pivot to LIVE LIVING ROOM concerts with my mama Josephine as my sidekick or as she likes to say "costar!" LOL! every thursday evening was a different show. i kept my voice in shape and kept mom busy with something to look forward to. i had a bunch of loyal followers (my tribe) who kept me from going insane and i hope i was able to give back too. i hope i made a difference

you not only sing MM live but you also had a hit under yer skirt with your own song "FASHIONISTA" that has become a drag and nightclub classic globally. it went to the top 10 of the BILLBOARD dance charts. did you write the song?

yup i did. i'm very proud of that! 

it's from my original album "JAMESTOWN" streaming on all platforms...i wrote all the songs. i worked with really good producers. i got over 35 million views on youtube. it still plays in clubs around the world. it gave me a relevance with a whole new audience. i'm very grateful

ok now we've come to the fav-o-rit part of this interview i like to simply call "let's talk about ME fer a change?" basically JIMMY ask me anything you wanna ask me under the rainbow (well except about rainbows cuz that's just lazy journalism)

please forgive me for the last question. i need to look you up LOL..

no worries JIMMY...i'm just a simple unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe...party of one...that will always be eternally grateful to you fer open'n up my eyes at such an early age and give'n me this mini glimpse into yer amaze'n world and can only hope sometime soon my name will be on the marquee after 25 years in the biz myself!!

i wanna personally thank the breathtake'n JIMMY JAMES aka thee world's greatest MARILYN MONROE impersonator (that's not up fer discussion...this is my interview) so in close'n kittens why not skip those lunch cocktails and that double expresso'd mocha frappe cappuccino latte

and DONATE TO A VERY WORTHY CAUSE before this legendary legacy is lost forever in VHS hell

if yer in the Houston area may 15th and look'n fer a good bang fer yer buck...catch JIMMY JAMES live by gett'n yer tix here before they sell out

if yer in the San Diego area may 20th and don't wanna waste yer covid cash on another town tramp...get yer tix fer JIMMY JAMES live here

if yer a twatter...follow JIMMY on TWITTER here

follow JIMMY on FACEBOOK here

follow JIMMY on INSTAGRAM here

follow JIMMY on YOUTUBE here

now GET OFF MY DRESS!

KEEP YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL

i believe the great and powerful voice of ANNIE LENNOX sung it best

"what's cute about a little cutie? it's her beauty...not brains

old father time will never harm you...if your charm still remains

after you grow old baby...you don't have to be a cold baby"

society as a whole has done their damndest to damn you straight to the

bottomless pits of the self loath'n purgatory flames in Lucifer's relm if you dare escaped yer teenrager years into adulthood ever since the victorian age with every reason imaginable to rid yer complexion of each and every crow scratches that’s marched across yer mug...the music industry is no stranger to bein an unfortunate catalyst to this self imposed catastrophe

with the recent departure of founder and lead singer from the 60's super 

group the RONETTES...RONNIE SPECTOR was the epitome of  the girl group sensation sweep'n the world with hits like "BE MY BABY" among many many others

though i can freely admit i was only introduced to RONNIE when she mashed up her smash hit with the rigid and rough edge vocals of EDDIE MONEY's "TAKE ME HOME TONITE/BE MY BABY" in the 80's...milk'n her youthful fame fer as long as she possibly can

BUTT...that's not all

ever since the early morn'n hrs of august 1st 1981 every hyper gen X'n 

preteen and post teenrager was prepare'n themselves fer a merried of eye issues from cataracts to glaucoma's later on in life thanx to the new way they would and could experience their music when that all important flag was planted on the moon and they knew exactly where they would be at the top of every hour thereafter until the end of the decade...at least

from "THE BUGGLES"

to "THE BANGLES"

from "PAT"

to "RATT"

we just couldn't get enough of those mini musical movies...it was like 

the new legalized heroine fer a whole new generation and eventually everyone and their neurotic neighbor who was hooked on marinate'n in mayonnaise wanted to make a total A double snakes outta themselves just fer a mere moment of fame so they could tell anyone who would listen to their babble 

as they placed their order with the lonely TCB-Y-R-U HERE counter help...to be apart of the hysteria in the make'n (much like those desperado tiktok'n spatchatters of today) though don'tcha ever wonder whatever happened to those support’n mini muffins after the camera's stopped roll'n and their musical celebrity moved on?

picture it kittens....it's 1986 and everyone was jell-o as H-E-double hockey 

stix (and by everyone i mean MEEEEEEE) when 13 year old UK born cool blue dowey eyed FELIX HOWARD tried gett'n a sneeky peek of one MISS CICCONE 

twirl'n her pendulous taataa's as an exotic dancer in the erotical peep show fantasy "OPEN YOUR HEART" 

don't fret my lil pet...at 49 FELIX still enjoys gloat'n about his brief brush

 with the QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR while roast'n smores on a hot summer nite however this hot follicley challenged daddy didn't move too far from the music biz…FELIX became a successful head in the industry as a VP at A&R and EMI while also penn'n hits fer dearly departed AA reject 

AMY WHINEHOUSE (hey the truth hurts sometimes kittens so learn to redirect yer anger at the issue and not at the fact checker)

SIA...

and the SUGARBABES among many other countless musicians

next up is the lil leprechaun model PETER ROWEN from across the 

pond who grew up on the other side of the street from irish singer BONO of  U2 fame who was friends with PETER's older brother and at 5 was plucked from obscurity to be plastered on the bands album cover "BOY" in 1980 then again at 8 in 1983 fer their "WAR" album then rumors started float'n around in my head that i suspected the EDGE probably got piss drunk one nite in 98 and won a game of canasta with PETER and so the EDGE got to take any old pic he wanted to of PETER to use fer their "GREATEST HITS" album...allegedly!

today PETER is a successful photographer in Ireland and still plays canasta with BONO and the EDGE when the band is back in town...ain't that just swell!

once the 80's decadence of make-up and aqua-net wore out it's welcome

the 90's rolled in with homeless sheik consist'n of worn out jeans...wife beaters...tattered flannel shirts and monthly ritiual bath'n routines to mask the scent of the many new drugs on the market (presumably) and no one pulled it of better than the members that sounded like they gargled lighter fluid of the groggily grunge band NIRVANA with their 2nd album "NEVERMIND" that featured a 4 month old SPENCER ELDEN and his willy wonka swimm'n after some benjamin bait that sold 30 million albums worldwide make'n him a household pedophiliac's dream

though SPENCER has enjoyed years of bragg'n about his notoriety whenever he got the chance to whatever Slovakian street vendor would bother to listen...even recreate'n an updated more PG version fer postcards and non pedophile fans fer many years since there's a rumor goin around in my head that he'd probably plug up the drain at this point were he not wear'n those cut off jeans (hey...an unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of their own universe can dream)

well now thanx to the repressed memories of the new woke generation

SPENCER has desperately tried to cash in from his dwindle'n art sales by sue'n the remain'n members of NIRVANA fer undisclosed millions fer the mental anguish and blatant pedophilic dreams that he was unable to consent to at the time unfortunately the courts weren't so kind in SPENCER's favor since he'd marketed and milked himself as the NIRVANA baby fer the past 30 years...

though he still hasn't give'n up on a payout...

so rumor has it DAVE GROHL still wanted to amend the sticky situation and gave SPENCER the entire NIRVANA collection...some of KURT COBAIN's worn out smoke laced tee's that COURTNEY LOVE gave him after KURT's unfortunate death... 

and some vintage bottles of car wax he stole from KURT's basement...so at least there was somewhat of a happy end'n i heard (SHHH!)

now GET OFF MY DRESS!