were reel'n in the receipts at the box office...
the QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR was race'n up the charts tell'n us a "BEDTIME STORY"
with a lil help from this icelandic queen
BUTT...let's continue
it was july...doesn't really matter...either case...i had just finished pack'n up my hair and heels after a fruitful nite perform'n at my 4th place of employment [the GAY 90's] that day...grabbed my duffle bag of stage tricks only to find out once i had plopped my plump A-double snakes on the metro transit #4 that they were now marinate'n in gin and regret
apparently from some pissed off performer...who i would only find out about a year later...decided to take it upon herself to pour their cocktail in my bag of belong'ns...all cuz we just happened to be share'n
the same thick "throat plunger" at the time (unbeknownst to the both of us) though i was only use'n him fer purely the pleasure principle as he was me to be honest though apparently the other "performer" thought they were in some diluted secluded relationship so i touched a nerve...THE NERVE!
by the time i had reached my stop...i had reached my limit of patience
with this highly talented tawdry tulip sniffer and decided at that point to no longer give 2 shits about any of the cast of casualties that i was perform'n with at the popular downtown alcoholic establishment that year...after all...
it was just another job to me that i would eventually quit come october that year cuz i was barely gett'n any sleep as it was...work'n from before sun-up to beyond after sundown
i was live'n in a shitbox 3 blocks down from my current shitbox at the time
and the light outside my entrance had been burnt out fer roughly 6 months that my landlord had neglected to replace...so try'n to find the the key hole to unlock my door in the stark dark of the nite was like Skywalker scurry'n thru the trenches try'n to toss in his proton torpedo's into the Death Star's hole every nite
well...on this particular warm and breezy nite...or early morn'n i guess...
depend'n how you wanna look at it fer testicular purposes...i tripped and fell onto an unidentified object lay'n perpendickularly outside my door and after regain'n my balance...i felt around as to what was lay'n in front of my entrance and turns out...IT WAS A BODY!!!
i immediately jumped up to the lawn above me...like a cat encounter'n a
cucumber and ran around to the front of the house...entered inside and made my way thru the hallways down to the basement level to my apt and proceeded to turn on all the lites...turned on my tv to occupy my mind...grabbed the biggest knife i could find that was washed (hey if i'm gonna have to lunge at some assailant...i don't want him or her to think i live like some sorta filthy pig) then jumped into my bed without my kerchief on...
and proceeded to call the boys in blue to come blow my horn remove whoever it was lie'n outside my apt door
by morn'n...i awoke fresh faced and fancy wonder'n why there was a knife
buried into my fav-o-rit pillow (at the time) then i realized i had fallen asleep in terror cuz of the body i had tripped over outside my humble lil shitbox just hours earlier...however...i never heard back from the police so i ventured outside to see what had happened and all of a sudden i noticed a lil art project left behind by the cops!
WTF?
ok...that didn't REALLY happen that way...but it makes this story sound
alot more like a credible lifetime movie of the week...don't it? turns out the body was now replaced by an expensive look'n camel colored Hermes carry'n case and curiosity was really kill'n me kittens...so i grabbed the briefcase in from outta the pour'n rain and proceeded to rummage thru it to find any cash out any clues as to who this bag belonged to
there ya have it...tune in next week fer pt 2 of THE GREAT PIPE HYPE!
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
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