bein' WATCHED? well get a ticket to the catch-up train by click'n here fer THE GREAT PIPE HYPE pt 1 (cuz i ain't relive'n it all over again just fer you) before we leave the station to yer next destination...and now the excruciate'n conclusion to THE GREAT PIPE HYPE pt. 2
i rummaged feverishly thru the tan Hermes briefcase look'n fer a contact
number to contact the hopeful owner of said bag with my one hand...while i waited fer the paint to dry on the other...HOWEVER...all i could find was the name "LARRY" printed in bold helvetica font on a blank antique egg shell colored business card along with a phone number
so i immediately contacted Beatrice down at the local phone company
and had her patch me thru to this "LARRY" fella though first off of course all she wanted to go on to me about was her infected toilet parts before segway'n into how she felted cheated by the 3 bean salad at last sundays church social that her dear friend Marcella brought cuz all she could honestly taste were 2 distinct flavored beans apparently...nonetheless...after several more minutes dicuss'n the mass differences between her rheumatitis and my patience...she patched me thru...
unfortunately all i got was his voice mail so i left him a simple yet effective message with my number...along with my inseam size and coordinates to my multiple personalities and to call me back at his earliest convenience (as long as i'm not bein inconvenienced)
curiosity was sett'n in as i was sett'n my hair...who could this LARRY be?
would this be someone like 60's sex symbol major Nelson Riley from "I DREAM OF JEANIE" played by veteran character actor Larry Hagman? (who gave me major wood in reruns back in the 80's)
or could it be 1/3 of the comedic trio involve'n those bumblin' brothers from "THE THREE STOOGES" Larry Fine? (then i realized he died 20 years earlier after a quik google search)
i didn't really care to be honest...as long as it wasn't...
some colostomitic call-in host that resembled that bag of bones bein held together by his suspenders and Ron Popeil spray paint fer the follically challenged...Larry King
BUTT anyways...
2 hours later as i was flipp'n thru my latest issue of INCHES magazine...
there would be a mysterious knock at my front door so i jumped gingerly off my crushed green velvet couch and opened the door to see who it was...and trust me when i say i was absolutely blown away...cuz the gentleman caller looked just like the spitt'n image stunt double to Mel Gibson...straight off the set of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
well...i don't have to tell you...i was a smitten kitten!
well...i immediately invited him inside from the rain fer a nite cap without
realize'n it was only 2 in the afternoon...so of course i was ready fer some delightful "conversation" cuz my sky rocket was already in flight...thankfully i managed to compose myself and asked him if he was here fer the briefcase
that my dad had passed away from leukemia when i was 9 and pedophelia wasn't really his thing (ps...total boner killer if you start talk'n about yer dead dad when there's a throbb'n prick present)
shake'n his head...in his loosely fit beige slacks...he threw me a devilish
lil grin and with the raise of his sweaty left brow...i knew right away this was not gonna end in a simple handshake (nor did i want it to)
he had a bit of an agenda of his own that i would soon come to find out
he told me that he enjoyed watch'n me perform on stage fer the past month at the Gay 90's and then he would proceed to follow me a few times a nite as i waited patiently fer the metro transit #4 to take me home until i was dropped off 2 blocks from my shithole before he would devise his deviously devilish plan to get my attention...though i should'a been shocked as shit he told me all this...i have to admit...i was a bit turned on by my middle of the nite stalker
as he drew himself closer and closer into my own personal bubble...i felt
the restless natives down below dance'n in my danger zone...as his chest burst free from his blazer...i could smell the intoxicate'n blend of irish spring body soap and just a simple spicy spritz of Drakkar Noir putt'n me under his spell
i felt like a sacrificial kitten in my lamb skinned nighty (that was remarkably open) absolutely helpless to resist and really...why the fuck would i?
the dam was ready to burst on his britches as my newly acquired stalker
was ready to deflower me so he asked me if i had ever had "daddy dick" as he slowly unzipped (he was old enough to be my parental guardian since i was 25 after all) his mammoth mouth water'n manwich flopped out (the first encounter i ever had with a legendary "throat plunger")
i swear this king kong cock had it's own area code and landing strip...if he
had a twin brother i totally could'a learned how to do the double dutch finally...unfortunately i had awkwardly explained to him...
so he hadda quickly explain in his best deep throated JEFF STRYKER porn voice to me that he was only talk'n specifically about role play'n banter to which i had never been privy to yet in my litany of liaisons at the time (which were few and far between the sheets) so the next thing i knew...
sorry kittens...this is where yer unsalted altered unilateral imagination will be kick'n in
(so cum to yer own dirty lil cockclusions)
in the end it turns out that the great pipe hype was just my type...and even
though my dangerous liaison wasn't THAT dangerous after all (just a lil eepy cree) i met him 3 more times...in 3 more ways...albeit never in a 3way...should i have? well that's all u need to know i guess...
now GET OFF MY DRESS!
