SLAMMER GLAMOUR

leave it to 80's bad ass rocker MISS BENATAR to sum it up puuurfuckly

"cold hard labor...it's a labor of love

convicted of crimes...the crimes of passion

caught in a chain gang...the chain of fools

solitary confinement...confined by the rules"

who is one of the many deserved nominees currently in 2nd place fer the rock~n~roll hall of fame so help push her to the #1 spot by cast'n yer ballot here

everyone...well lemme rephrase that...those with a sense of unwaver'n

adventure that desperately wanna spice up their monotonous tic-tac-dull fornicational routine have always had a soft spot fer bad boys behind bars ever since hot to trot #1 bad boy JOHNNY DEPP who broke outta prison via a cute lil jazzy number in the 1990 twisted teen musically romantic comedy "CRYBABY"

bad daddy "Dirty Harry" who portrayed Frank Morris along with 2 of his butt buddies that broke outta the maximum security island in the prison drama "ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ" in 1979

and of course who can ferget throat plunge'n shake n baker CHRIS KELLER on the masturbatory prison fantasy series "OZ" from 1997 to 2003

hollywierd has made a cool mint from glamourize'n hard life behind bars

even some bad girls like the QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR who basked in her own bad girl spotlight in the 1985 dramedy "DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN" as SUSAN THOMAS then again in 1987 as NIKKI FINN in the quirky off beat comedy "WHO'S THAT GIRL"

i can even recall way back in 2004 when i found myself as a recipient on the other side of the camera fer my very 1st ever bad boy glamour

 shots session that i take full responsibility for and ps kittens...the only thing hurt durin' this dreadful nite was my dignity and my pocket book...kapeesh! (click here fer all the sordid salacious deets) though i remember how i was absolutely unhappy with the 1st photo and put in a verbal request fer an immediate retake which the guard on duty granted...gave me a count down and to my pleasant surprise gave me that menace'n bad boy image i so desperately wanted to convey and when i uploaded my profile picture on gofuckyerself.com or somethin' like that...i was completely swarmed with requests to fulfill many twisted prison fantasies so of course i milked it fer as long as i could...why not!

i was even bombarded with twisted offers far and wide of putt'n a ring around my rosey and one that would even set me up in the best double wide across the midwest if i'd be their personal inmate date!

with his pierce'n steel blue stare no one milked their mugshot fer millions 

of fans and followers as well and more than former crips gang banger JEREMY MEEKS when he was arrested in a california sting fer bein a felon with a firearm and grand theft durin' the summer of 2014 however it was the authorities who he owes a bit of gratitude to fer turn'n his mugshot into his masterpiece when they subsequently posted it to facebook 

and kick started his career in the fashion and model'n world by 2016...walk'n the runways at NY fashion week in 2017 then again durin' Milan fashion week in 2018 fer Tommy Hilfiger which in turn turned Mr. MEEKS into a clothing line constructed after his bad boy image in 2020 as well as appear'n in numerous fashion mags thru-out his career include'n the boobtube and the big screen

BUTT that's not the end of it

JEREMY ain't the only fit felon on the loose...just a couple weeks ago 

across the pond in merry ol' England…37 year old burglary convict JONATHAN CAHILL from West Yorkshire broke the terms of his bail last september while break'n hearts all over the UK as a wanted fantasy to the rest of the desperate horny toads drive'n along the informational highway drool'n over his come fuck me eyes and sharp trick jaw...it got soo bad after police posted his mug fer help from the public to track him down that they hadda turn off the comment section since most were ready to leave their back door open hope'n fer a midnite break-in and a safe haven fer him to hideout thanx to his criminally good looks...though he was recently apprehended as this story went to post

nonetheless you can bet dollars to donuts it's only a matter of time now before the fashion houses of FORD and VERSACE bail him out...scoop him up and have him shake his money make'n mug fer SPRING fashion week in Milan

hey...it's been like 20 years since i took a trip to visit merry ol' England

i'm beyond the pond over due...however...if i would'a caught him...you can bet i'da kept him...now GET OFF MY DRESS!

get a clue!

i don't believe it was Miss Peacock with the candle stick...

in the conservatory...cuz more than like she already had it lodged in her kitty box...sideways...and you know that's gonna be some sorta rubix cube bullshit to try and retrieve it!

you know exactly why it couldn't be Colonel Mustard...cuz he owned all that rope and was a H-U-G-E fan of auto exfoliation in the library while watch'n his afternoon stories in the study after all...you do the math

\and you know Mrs.White held a tight grip onto that wrench...fer all the wrong reasons...between the kitchen...the ballroom and the billiard room...twice on the weekends

but trust me...the call IS come'n from inside the house...somewhere from someone!

i'm talk'n about that explosively diarrhetic laced story in last weeks HIGHLY subscribed circular news...W-O-W...just...W-O-W!...if i was a bett'n gal putt'n down odd's in Vegas...(FYI i ain't)

(well cuz the price of hookers ain't cheap ya know)

though Lawrence has expressed a much more diabolically dissected opinion as to who the sneaky dirty bird is play'n with our mentally deranged lie'n sack of of pig shit

at 1st i thought...i totally bet it was KellyAnne Conned-Her-Way-Inn...

in the situation room...then i remembered that incident with her mascara...so she hasn't been that credible ever since

then i thought...why couldn't it be his paid to play transformer bride in the

cabinet room with her interpreter...but then i realized...she can barely form a sentence...let alone construct coherent ones together fer her interpreter to interpret 

so i'm gonna go out on a limb...and put all my benjamins on our obvious...

unfortunate pile of mentally deranged lie'n sack of pig shit disgrace'n the oval orifice...in the presidential shitter room...while choke'n on his big mac and beat'n off the FAUX SNEWZ...just try'na distract...deflect...and dissolve ANY sorta suspicion onto himself...

while MUELLER still continues rack'n up the witch hunt points...

of course our unfortunate mentally deranged pile of pig shit tried desperately to start more useless distractions...tweet'n out a NIKE boycott to all his dwindle'n mentally deranged brain dead lobotomized gimps that hang on his every racist words 

that were only happy to oblige...only prob there was that these jethro mutha fuckers didn't realize is...NIKE ALREADY HAS YER COINS BITCH!...so burn away

hmmm wonder how well these back water wal-mart beauty bitches are gonna deal with the fact that FORD has now jumped onto the KAEPERNICK train!

BUTT...not to get side tracked...

Kaepernick's kneel'n had N-O-T-H-I-N-G to do with the military or the fuck'n flag kittens...let's just set that record to sleep!

but don't take my word fer it...listen to MN's own body slamm'n VETERAN daddy

and then with Ann Coulter's late abortion desperately tried gett'n Miss Griffin to take a moment to debate her in an interview dur'in her SOLD OUT WORLD WIDE tour

what a fuck'n amateur Tomi!
(but since we're all here...get yer tix here before the tour ends...trust me...ya ain't gonna wanna miss this!...i seen it @ Carnegie Hall & Kathy DID NOT disappoint!)

all i know is...in the end...this mentally deranged lie'n sack of bloated pig shit...will get his just desserts...in the basement...with the heater on high!

now get off my dress and VOTE this novem!