bann'n the flamers of desire

*update*

this story originally featured anti-Smokey the Bear practitioner

and Cheerios crusader fer the pea podders of america...Michael Leisner

but unfortunately he kicked the can unexpectantly...and bought a one way ticket to protest at the pearly gates up above...so move'n onward

when i think of flames...alot of things are conjured up in my mind...

the yester years at summer camp with my brothers and sister...

roast'n marshmallows over an open flame

durin' the holiglazed season...images of ol' Bing Crosby dance in my head

of him sing'n about roast'n chestnuts on an open flame

of course...who can forget this petrified comedic classic

the original non heterosexual glitter bomb'n flame

and when i think of holier than though...A double snake holes....

i think of this frothy fecal flamer hater

so ever since ol' sorry ass looser Santorum aborted his presimental run to ruin america's right to porn and other less than holy acts of human nature that are forbidden from his bed time fairy tale book...we've heard very little from this very big pain in the ass...UNTIL NOW!

apparently...Ricky hasn't  finished his spotlight dance with  the devil makers

and his obsession to rid the world of designer labels...cake decorators...and tea bagg'n competitions

so he decided to spread his fecal matter and rear his hatefulness once again...and stump the pink hole pumpers and carpet cleaners from ever walk'n down the aisles of matrimony...with his biblical baloney once again!

do we REALLY need to break down yer fairytale book...AGAIN Ricky?

maybe i'm miss'n somethin' here...but haven't we evolved a bit over rules and regulations over the past 2000 years to fit our current times?

fine...we can play by yer RULERS rules for arguments sakes...but that means NO cherry pick'n...so in case ya missed a couple of pretty important rules...you yerself...are probably not pratice'n...i thought i'd give ya a lil refresher course :

Leviticus 25:44 states that i may possess slaves...both male and female...provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations....a friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans...but not Canadians...

can you clarify pleez...why can't i own Canadians?

Exodus 21:7  states it's ok to sell your daughter into slavery...

what do you think would be a fair price for her in this day and age?

Leviticus15:19-24 states that i can't have contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness...or i to shall be uncleansed

problem is...how am gonna know?...most just turn into a bitch if you make any assumptions

Leviticus1:9 states that burn'n a bull on the altar as a sacrifice...creates a very pungently pleasing odor for the RULER's o factory senses

only prob is...my neighbors claim the odor is not please'n to them....shall i smite them?

Exodus 35:2  states clearly that they should be put to death fer work'n on the sabbath...so these next door neighbors kids insist on sell'n lemonade on hot summer afternoons...7 days a week...even after i read them this rule

am i morally obligated to kill them myself?...or should i ask the police to do it for me?

Leviticus 11:10 states though eat'n shellfish is a total abomination...it's a lesser abomination than bein' a flamer my buddy says...i don't agree...

can you settle this tough one?...are there different levels to abomination?

Leviticus 21:20 states that i can't approach the altar of the RULER if i have a defect in my sight....i just started wear'n read'n glasses cuz of astigmatism

does my vision have to be 20/20...or is there some wiggle room here?

Leviticus 19:27 states it's totally forbidden that my male buddies get their hair trimmed anywhere on their nubile bodies...even around their temples

how should they die?

Leviticus 11:6-8  states that touch'n the skin of a dead pig makes you unclean

can players still play football if they wear gloves?

Leviticus 19:19  states that those plant'n two different crops in the same field...are clearly violate'n the law...which my brother who owns a farm does fer the past couple of years...and as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread with her cotton/poly blends

do i need go to the trouble gett'n the whole town together to stone em'?

couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair?

like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws...so says Leviticus  20:14

i know you have studied these passages religiously and therefore are considered an expertise in above mentioned matters...so i'm completely confident Ricky...that you can help sort out these sticky situations since you now have time on yer hands while cherry pick'n thru the help wanted section

if yer gonna live by the sword!...you must die by the sword!

or just die...a-w-a-y!

or maybe...just MAYBE (p)Rick...these 2 obviously non homosexuals

might be on to somethin' try'n to put out the flames yer try'n to fan

so there ya have it...keep in mind...like i've said before kittens...i could care less what you believe in...but practice what you preach...or get off my dress!