Monday, August 6, 2012

i see London...i see France...you need Utah's underpants!

today is the beginn'n of an excite'n and new direction fer you kittens out their in blogsville...here at the law orifices of G.O.M.D...fer yers truely has decided to put on my smarty britches and best Barbara Wawa blouse
and dive deep into the world of thing called j-o-u-r-n-a-l-i-s-m

YES...i'm gonna give those bitches at the VIEW a run fer their money
to help promote anyone start'n out in the business of show...or anyone that has somethin' they want to start to show fer their business

today i'm sitt'n with my dear dear friend (what's yer name again dear?)
it's Adrian

ah...ain't that nice...you mean like "yo Adrian!"

somethin' like that..glad to be here...and yer name?
you can just call me TONITE...i mean it...grrrrrrrrrrr!

thanx fer take'n time outta yer busy scedule to chitter chatter with me about yer new market'n endeavor....so tell me Adrian...plain and simple...what is this yer want'n my lil kittens out there in blogsville to purchase?
Well, it turns out that I am the only Magical Mormon Underwear salesman in the world, for Jew and Gentile alike.  Mormons have to wear special underwear to remember their vows, also known as their “Endowment” (I couldn’t make this up it I tried).  But, until a friend opened Mormon’s Secret (www.mormonssecret.com), only a good Mormon with a magic number could get a pair.  Now everyone can be reminded of their Endowment whenever they drop their drawers. I'm also editing some musings on such magic on mormonssecret.tumblr.com

what makes mormon magical underwear so magical?
The Mormons call them “sacred” and don’t really like the term Magical.  That said, there are Mormons on record claiming that their supernatural skivvies have stopped a bullet or protected their wearer from fire.  And, let’s face it, the Mormons have pretty much succeeded at whatever they’ve put their minds to – a brands spankin’ new religion, a whole new section of the Bible, keeping gays from their sinful sinful marryin’ ways, and a business empire to fund it all – so who am I to say they’re not magical?  That, and they come in cotton or mesh, and who doesn’t find mesh underwear a little bit magical, under the right circumstances?

interest'n interest'n...so does one need to be a practioner of said religion to fully enjoy the full comforts of these magical mystery tours these undergarments will apparently put you on?
Not anymore!  Mormon temple garments are not blessed or built in any special way, unlike the Kosher meat that orthodox Jews demand.  They have a particular cut and a few Masonic symbols on them (Joseph Smith was a Mason and borrowed heavily from their traditions), and just to make sure our customers get all magical benefits of priestess panties they come with an instruction card on how to anoint yourself and your endowment.  It involves water and olive oil.  I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. ;-)

i have to say...i am wear'n my first pair and already...i feel like i'm fly'n on the wings of a maxi pad...what is yer target audience that would best fit into them and make them as well feel like their fly'n on the wings of a maxi pad?
Well I think four types of people are going to want to grab a set for themselves.  First, horny gay men who have a thing for young guys on bikes – you seen a few smartly dressed, clean-shaven missionaries in your neighborhood, I’m sure.  Second, some people are just going to be curious about these awesome ass-grabbers, and they’ll have to have their own pair to paw and ponder.  Third, it’s pretty well known that Mr. Mitt is running for President and is a practicing Mormon.  If it’s a protest or a perfect Halloween costume, your and Mitt’s endowments can settle in a similar setting.  And finally, it is 2012.  The world should be ending any day now, so if you’re going to meet your maker you might as well have all your bases covered, so to speak.  I would recommend a set of magical underwear, a copy of the Torah, Koran, Bible, and three Tom Cruise movies, just in case those Scientologists were right all along.  Suffice to say, I’ll be surprised if Messers Cruise or Travolta turn out to be our guides to heaven, but you don’t want to take any chances, do you?

what would make one purchase these magical undergarments more than let's say...the tried and true all american plain ol fruit of the looms?
 Well I can’t quote book and verse, but my understanding is that the Mormons don’t expect to see a lot of fruits in heaven.  You’d better plan ahead!

i wanna thank you again Adrian fer take'n time outta yer busy schedule to introduce to the world the magical mystery powers of yer mormon undergarments fer the work'n...or in this economy unfortunately...the non work'n...guy or gal on the go...whether yer a pratice'n non heterosexual or practice'n non homosexual of whatever bargain basement religion you chose

now we've come to the segment of the interview i'd like to call
"can we talk about ME fer a change?"

so how it works is...you can ask me anything...and i mean ANYTHING under the rainbow...well accept about rainbows...that's just f*ck'n stupid....so what will it be?

Obviously underwear is my new life, so I hope you don’t mind if I go below the belt.  I’m pretty sure that everyone out there has at least one magical underwear moment – I actually have three, but one is only legal in Northern Europe, so I’ll keep that under wraps for now.  What’s been your most magical moment that started or ended with magic in your pants?
well Adrian...true story...since this certain late night caller was a professional in the sports arena back in 1995...i don't wanna point fingers and cause any controversy...i believe in keep'n things "under the cover" under cover...well that is until the statue of limitations runs out anyways..and it has been over 17 years now...so i think i'm good...the only thing i will say is...i seen sky rockets at nite...but it was no afternoon delight!

now get off my dress!

*UPDATE* as this story went to print...Adrian is no longer yer neighborhood drawers to door salesperson of above said magical underwear...as it conflicts with his current religion of find'n a financially stable 401k plan...but feel free to peruse the webpage fer whatever purposes you may need to fulfill yer magical mystery tour needs!

5 comments:

  1. Im sa proud ta have bin blessed with the opportunty to model my Magical Mormon Endowment fer ya'll!

    Stuart

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. as are many of my followers from around the globe Stuart...from me and all of them to you...
      THANX A MILL :)

      Delete
  2. You will actually find a lot of photos of me and other LDS guys wearing their G's on my blog--but my interest is because I like the ones made out of all nylon. It's like they were designed to have sex in--no wonder they don't want you to take them off. I've had many a magic moment in mine.....

    ReplyDelete
  3. thanx fer the insight kitten...i'll check er' out :)

    ReplyDelete
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