like fer instance...
late 80's double chocolate mint twins
Milli Vanilli...who took home a grammy for best new artist in 1990...fer best lyp-sync'n by a group or duo
the A-Hole Team...
fer their strategic plann'n of their "mission accomplished" parade
Dizzney's very fergetable..."OZ the Great and Powerful"
which should'a been called "the Great and Powerful Headache from Hell"...i loves me some James Franco...i really do...but i felt like i was munch'n on a box of junior mint laxatives the entire time...the only thing this movie was really about...was about 2 1/2 hours too long
that a drag queen like...
a transvestite as sweet as...
are all in the same
i'm here to tell ya kittens...they're not!
so lemme break down the myths about the drag queens...or as i prefer to use the term (in this CHER fersaken PC world we live in)..."perform'n illiusionists"...
and when you can take a well endowed cock-a-doodle do and make it into a dirty lil kitty cat...you are in a sense perform'n a pretty damn good "illusion"
so with that in mind...let me debunk the myths you think you know to be true
# 1 all perform'n illusionists are gay
though the myth that ALL perform'n illusionists are non heterosexual...this has been debunked by many who see it strictly as an art form fer comic relief...and not a way of life
#2 all perform'n illusionists wanna be women
this is one of those myths...that i even knew as a teenager doin' the polka dance with puberty...thanx to shows like Phil Donahue back in the 80's...didn't hold a shred of truth...those would be of the "transgender" category...and though it's true that some performers are of a transgendered nature...they are no longer an "illusionist"...a huge chunk of "illusionsits" do it fer the attention they never received from their parent(s)...cuz they simply love it and it offers them a creative outlet....plus it's an easy way to make a fast buck without have'n to compromise yer morals under a burnt out street lamp in some back alley
#3 perform'n illusionists only perform fer the money
this myth is definitely soooo not true...though some illusionists make a decent live'n from perform'n... the vast majority of illusionists i know...have full-time jobs and spend more money than what they make from perform'n to get that perfect look...perform'n is an extremely expensive hobby when done correctly...that they just love doin...it's like a VanGogh or Monet that's come to life
#4 a perform'n illusionist is less of a man
this myth is usually brought upon by closeted non heterosexuals that think that they're fool'n the crowd with their "str8 act'n and appear'n" schtick!...well i'm here to tell you kittens...ya ain't fool'n anyone but yerself...since 10 times outta 10...they have their legs stapled to the ceil'n before i can get the front door shut...most illusionists are more of a man cuz they have the courage to do what they do...regardless what others may think...it takes an extremely confident man to put himself out there for others to judge and sometimes ridicule...just fer some green backs
# 5 all perform'n illusionists are bottoms
this myth sorta goes along with #4...and i'm here to tell ya kitten...THEY'RE NOT! *wink*wink*...of course i'm assume'n all you out there in read'n land know what i mean by "BOTTOM"...so no explanation should be required...if not...get a book!
#6 anyone can be a perform'n illusionist
this myth...though seems all inclusive...is somewhat exclusive...depend'n on what bar ya visit...perform'n as an illusionist is not easy...and not anyone can do it...you have to have that "it" factor...if yer gonna be an illusionist...you need to be able to capture the audience's attention and keep the monkey's tap dance'n til dawn...or at least til yer heels and hair is paid off...plus you also need to have a large unclogged heart and be will'n to work for nothin' to raise money for charities and help the community...this is not an easy task to ask# 7 perform'n illusionist's never use their boy names
this myth...some say is...you should never use an illusionists "boy name" when the war paint is applied...which is sometimes true...but it all depends on the illusionist and the situation...if he is in his illusion...then you should use his illusionist name obviously...especially if you want any sorta attention from them... i call all other illusionists by their perform'n name whether they're in or outta their illusion...cuz i can't be bothered to remember who they really are...and i expect the same...(though a genuflection is customary when address'n me on the street)
#8 wearing a dress makes you a perform'n illusionist
this myth couldn't be further from the truth...this is usually a sexual fetish made popular by a transvestite...and most of them are 100% non homosexual...but just love the feel of silky things carress'n their unwaxed...flat tired A double snakes
#9 all perform'n illusionists are bitchy
this myth...though does hold some truth since most performers are known fer their cattiness...or extreme bitchiness...and it's what the audience expects...but let's stop and look at it from their perspective...they're wear'n multiple pairs of tights...marinate'n in 10 pounds of maybelline under hot lights...in heels that weren't made for their feet...add to that a corset and have'n their junk taped to their trunk fer hours at a time sometimes...you would be a lil bitchy too...plus some feel that they have the right to judge them and demand things from them the second they're off stage...(i'm talk'n to you damn bridal parties)...bein an illusionist is not easy job and therefore we've earned the right to be a lil bitchy from time to time...but in reality...the majority of them are the coolest creative people you will ever meet...most of them would give you their blouse off their backs...while they're secretly gett'n slipped yer boyfriend's number
#10 all perform'n illusionists love to be photographed
this myth is only true when they're in a controlled environment...and someone like David Lachapelle or Annie Lebowitz is behind the camera...let's face it...we are ALL attention whores to the nth degree...BUT...the majority of illusionists should never...i repeat NEVER...be spontaneously jumped in a crowd by a bunch of drunken fly'n monkeys with their iphones set fer stunned...who instantly instagram our horrored look on facebook or tumblr or any other website...you will instantly be blocked fer life...and well into yer next life...cuz we NEVER ferget a bad pic!...if you would like a memory with all our fabulessness in tact...just ask...we're more than happy to oblige...as long as you shoot from straight on...or above...and have enough vaseline on the lense to make us look like a fetus in a wig...like we imagine we look like once we've reached a certain age
there you have it kittens...10 myths about perform'n illusionists...debunked!
now...get ready fer the greatest show in the Minne-Apple...and get off my dress!