and by "drugs"...i mean options!
listen up kittens...i listened to Nancy in the 80's when she simply said...
"JUST SAY NO"
"if i wanna get high...i'll add another inch to my heels"...P-E-R-I-O-D!
so put that in yer crack pipe and smoke it...or better yet...learn to control yer destruction...so you can function at this junction
thee only drug i want any future failure to O.D. on...is ME!
the latest and most damage'n "drug"...to my cochlea's and my cornea's...
is this ol' bat in the peacock hat...if you missed...or just miss...Miss Sarkisian 's tour...there's still a chance
in your 20's...you were judge...jury...executioner...defendant and plaintiff on how you looked and what you wore when you went out with yer gaggle of gays and the one token fag hag who felt like the luckiest bitch on the planet
the dollars bill's would flow like a whore with halitosis at any given bar on any given nite of the week...it was all about cover charges and cock!
i somehow inevitably would become some sorta surrogate therapist...
to some meals on wheels look'n fruit basket who happened to be environmentally delayed...just cuz he paid fer my drink!
eventually i would turn down my reason not to have another doctor...
prescribe me a cure that would take 3 to 4 weeks to cure...and instead...i opted to rummage around for the leftovers at any bar close...fer someone close enough to the top of the food chain...OR
stroll fer a troll in the wee hours of the nite in the park fer a ride home...
and don't you whores start point'n fingers...i wasn't there alone
by the time i hit my 30's...i knew i was goin' to become a romantic wreck...
or deemed a tragedy in a tiara if i wasn't involved with a mate to date fer more than 24 hrs...and so the clown show began
not once...not twice...and by the third time...i was no longer a laydee...but i did it anyways...just cuz i figered i needed to evolve beyond the bar stools and the bad morn'n after breath mints i picked up from the nite before...
plus...eat'n fer one is never really fun...and cuz i was too lazy to commit suicide!
well...20 years later...and into my late early 40's...i feel like i'm back in my early late 20's and look'n like my middle 30's...but with alot less hope...alot less hair and alot less tolerance fer find'n a potential failure in my own age box...don't take that the wrong way though...i've learned to accept my new role...without all those unsightly stretch marks...or awkward family reunions
i'm just not that desperate to settle fer sangria and sausage links for breakfast anymore
being hit with the on goin recession to our non existent piggy bank...
it's made a HUGE impact on the way we 40+ single non heterosexuals go about conduct'n our "free time"
no one can afford the $10 covers...or feel that we should have to anymore
nor do we want to be bothered by some anal antiseptic past his ambercrombie due date with a $200 8-ball...who refuses to give up their crown as disco queen...show'n off their personally trained abs...under an over priced GUCCI tank to a bunch of twinks and tweekers
and for the most part...the only choices out there are between meth heads or manic depressants who've replaced their overhead lamps with dollar store tea candles in hopes you don't notice that they had to cancel their...
gym membership...cuz they're still try'n to pull off their tailored look that they wore 20 years ago...only now...they look like a bloated blood sausage ready to burst at the seams at any moment
and yer lucky if you will ever get to meet the photo-chopped fucker...
on the other end of the informational highway anyways...cuz the botox bar has been raised so high
that when ya finally do...they're usually try'n to recreate the image they sent ya by pose'n like some sorta age defy'n egyptian hieroglyphic anyways...
at least in person...you have a chance to start a conversation....online...it's just delete...delete...delete!
and speak'n of my own experiences...it's no surprise that viagra sales are soar'n thru the roof when all the things that make a date with a new mo' interest'n these days are reduced to a simple formula of boredom n regret
and ps...btw...they ought to be personally erect'n a life size crucifix with my name on it...cuz 20 years ago...i was one of thee original governmental test bunnies who got that pill approved fer their erectcreational pleasures
so they to could be energized til the wee hours of the morn'n
well...not too long ago a while back...i received an email from some online porker with an ax to grind with me...who i never had met...that i can recall...
from 10 years ago apparently...i thought...oh...what perfect time'n!
lett'n me know that i looked like (and this is a direct quote) "a moron wear'n your shades" thru the downtown mousetrap systems on my daily breaks...
cuz non verbal communicative passive aggressive behavior is so much more effective and an easier form of communication to understand these days (and annoyingly acceptable i might add) with almost everyone...than actually have'n to say face to face "ummm...wanna fuck?"
don't EVEN get me started on unreturnable texts in a timely manner
and you know it's sad...when some green mile look'n change collector...
scouts you out in the skyway on yer afternoon break look'n fer enough coinage to get him and his 3 made up kids back to some made up home far far away...but cuz it happens on a daily basis from a merried of other story tellers...yer just conditioned to ignore his request...only to be belittled and berated as you keep walk'n by...but fer once it almost makes you wanna run to the closest atm as he caps off his exchange with "oooiiie...fer a white boy that's some fine ass...i'll tap that any day!"...it's like the biggest compliment i'll remember fer as long as i can
basically...it breaks down like this...
online meet-n-greets are like stars from the 2nd cast of Designing Women
no matter how funny Jan Hooks and Julia Duffy were...they would never be able to live up to the originals...
cuz they were no Delta Burke or Jean Smart
i may have unwillingly surrendered to the online hook up these days...
but i refuse...let me repeat that fer the kittens in the back...REFUSE to surrender my heels...so get over it already!
apparently is...get this..."ILLEGAL"...plus it gets a bit spendy and is too much trouble try'n to guess the ratio to body frame
it's human nature...we all possess that undeniable animal instinct...
if you want it...just ask...i just might...if not...don't worry abod' it...but puhleez...get off my dress!
Hey there - Reading your blog post reminded me of some of my own experiences with Grindr, which I decided to write about (and even posted photos and the conversations). Here is the link - you might want to check it out. Hang in! Cheers!. http://goo.gl/RAdFC9
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Jive in the [415}
http://www.jiveinthe415.com
thanx kitten...i will :)
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