much like our chetto'd TWITTER BITCH's outta control and unfortunately...
still in command...teeny tiny sprinkler system
it's been some time now since i held the annual FUCKTARD awards
here me out kittens...you don't even know half the shit that goes on "behind" the scenes of these award winn'n shows...fer instance...recently i hadda make unfortunate cuts to my spermicidal budget ever since my
beyond Beyonce bubbalisciousness had an unfortunate accident
ok...well so i was doin latino squats once again at the gym...with him (trust me...a t-o-t-a-l meeeeeouch!)...but now i'm stuck...laid up...and roll'n around
like a paraplegic hooker in hell
plus...sponsors were dropp'n as fast as the clowns at the DC circus
luckily though...one sponsor decided to stick with me through all this shit...and thankfully...they fit well with tonite's nominees
so let's get right to it...shall we?...up first is my fav-o-rit SPICE girl
oh...not cuz poor hot headed Sean decided to pack up his lunchbox cuz he was too tired from lick'n the shit come'n outta his boss's pancaked ass...NO!
he became nominated fer kill'n the brilliant career of one transgendered comedian Melissa McCarthy...the only person who ever got me interested in watch'n SNL again
ever since the brilliance known as the SWEENEY SISTERS left in the late 80's
let's see...who's made the next cut?...i'm as nervous as Jesus Luz when Madonna decided to cut him off...
OMG...i'm so so shocked...it's the REAL WHITE HOUSE WHINEY BITCH OF DC...i searched google relentlessly...fortunately fer us though...there were no fuckable photo's available...but thanx to my pseudo good friend Kristen Dunst who snap chatted me the nominee...
only cuz she still has me at a 5000 foot restrain'n order fer bitch slapp'n her back in 2006 fer her lack luster performance in Maria Antoinette and demand'n my benjamins back
last up on my list...the only fuckable WHITE HOUSE worker since JFK...
well...only cuz he reminded me of that hot evil cop from the TERMINATOR...
Scaramucci...known simply as "the MOOCH"...but also known as our TWITTER BITCH'n toilet paper...not cuz he only lasted inside the walls of the WHITE HOUSE as long as my bi-weekly metro pass
or have politically satirical genius Stephen Colbert cover him in a QUEEN song
and not thee unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe like he should...but now that yer outta a job and yer wifey has gone bye bye...
call me Tony...i'm wait'n
and now the moment you've all been wait'n for...this year's
FUCKTARD award goes to pharmaceutical cockroach and very much deserved recipient...who was actually featured a couple years back...
right here on my blog
right here on my blog
congratulations Martin fer all yer very special work you did to better yer fellow americans by milk'n them dry when they needed you the most...
hmmm...anyone wanna donate some soap on the rope?...i'm sure he'd really really appreciate it