i thought i'd give you some of my most spiritually influential toe tapp’n tunes to help you slip into those
slinky pair of culottes you made from that buttermilk pattern #45 you finally bought off those annoy’n retro instagram ads & that tacky halter top you “inherited” from yer boyfriend’s wife that you’ve been bedazzle’n all month just so you can shake a tail feather faster than yer last walk of shame...as yer gett'n ready fer that special 69...before yer 86'd by the income'n traffic
so kick back...powder that puss puss and toss yer troubles out the door while listen'n as i count down my fav-o-rit top 20 titty twisters fer PRIDE
come'n in @ #20 was the tune that set the room on fire fer me AND
became the prequel anthem (if you will) that made this unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of her own universe sashay & shante' away...when i 1st seen it appear on the video screens @ the SALOON in the Minne-Apple back in '93...with RUPAUL's "SUPERMODEL"
#19 was thee very 1st number ever suggested to me by my dearest friend
(and staple fag hag) PEETRINELLA...that i would ever perform on my very 1st nite on stage @ the GAY 90's in '95...which was ANN MARGRET's "13 MEN & ME"...you can only imagine what 13 men at once will do to a plump A-double snakes like mine...i mean yers...(well...you don't have to once you've reached the 1:48 moment in the video...ps...don't say i didn't warn ya)
#18 belongs to the purrrrrrfect prowl'n puss in boots...1950's would'a never
been the same without the sassy and sauciness of the american sing'n activist style'ns of one miss EARTHA KITT...prove'n that she was nothing more than just an "OLD FASHIONED GIRL"
#17 comes from the most famous blonde in history...who started the whole
damn fan snapp'n crazy nearly 50+ years ago...MARILYN MONROE gave a voice to and made it socially acceptable fer ALL those gold digg'n twinks...twunks and anyone in a financial funk...to hunt fer the highest pay'n sugga daddy to dole out the dolla bills when needed...with her hit "DIAMONDS ARE A GIRLS BEST FRIEND"
#16 has been compared to the likes of Etta James Tina Turner and even
Janis Jopin...lead singer BETH DITTO of the indy band GOSSIP from Olympia WA...made their mark on the music scene since 1999...and though they last recorded together in 2012 with the release of "A JOYFUL NOISE"...their song "MEN IN LOVE" stands out as the best "i do" finale to find'n that absolute anal adonis as yer date on the dance floor before the lights come up...and he goes down...ON YOU!
#15 is fer all of those want'n a taste of the wild side...who would rather
taste a lil bit of S&M...instead of taste'n plain ol' M&M sex...KIM PETRAS gives you a taste of the wild side with her dark and lusty duet with none other than the Mistress of the Dark ELVIRA with her in the dark hit "TURN OFF THE LIGHT"
#14 belongs to the psychedelic princess who was a dance floor staple of
every dance club from coast to coast date'n back to the 1990's...who asked us how do you spell deee-groovy...deee-gorgeous..and how do you spell DEEE-LITE...with their club anthem "GROOVE IS IN THE HEART"
#13 is fer all those granola chomp'n birkenstock'n non-lipstick'n beauties
that just wanna chill out to an open fire with a bottle of chilled chardonnay after a rough day at the home depot...INDIGO GIRLS lezbitronic love song "CLOSER TO FINE" is a great strummer fer those that like to hummer (hey...don't bite my head off just cuz they apparently don't have enuff benjamins fer a gif account)
#12 comes from the dynamic british duo from across the pond known as
the EURYTHMICS...who penned the paranoid hit fer all those insecurities within us all...with their 1983 hit "WHO'S THAT GIRL?"
#11 though not so much of a toe tapper as much as an eye-opener fer
those within the marginalized community that have faced more than they should thru-out their ostracized life...the 80's most famous gender bender hit the mark with his poignant heart felt song...written by the one and only BOY GEORGE..."SHE WAS NEVER HE"...is the 1st anthem i've ever heard that shed a dimly lit light on the plight of the trans community
#10 comes from the girl who just wanted to have fun ever since the 80's
bein' one of the most outspoken and biggest allies fer the gay community since the beginn'n of her career CYNDI LAUPER's hit "SHINE" is a great tear jerk'n dance tune to help give you the strength you need to get you thru the roughest of times no matter how bad they seem
#9 will put you in a time warp back to when disco & dudes in shorty shorts
& their equally horned-up co-horts...were all the rage on the dance floor...one hit of poppers and you were ready to take the train to brown town...& even if DONNA SUMMER denounced them years later (allegedly thanx to her CASPER crusade'n career) "HOT STUFF" remains a true boner-fide ride regardless
#8 has to be the loudest mouth in comedy that is more than just a comic
but also an outspoken...politically in yer face...right on sista song birdie who will funk you up...SANDRA BERNHARD's no holds barred hit "DO YOU WANNA FUNK?" doesn't funk around at all and tells you exactly what's gonna happen if you put yer finger in the funk
#7 though gone...he has left his imprint and impression on the music world
that will never be forgotten...i even experienced a missed opportunity to actually climb aboard...his bus (& who knows...maybe even him) after his FAITH tour @ the St Paul Civic Center in MN in '89 (true story) GEORGE MICHEAL made lite of his "sticky situation" from years earlier with some cheeky fun fer all those pervie bathroom headhunters with his snappy unapologetic smash hit "OUTSIDE"
#6 before any of the RUtards...there was one of the filthiest queens on the
planet that was in yer face like a bucket of mace...DIVINE was a hefty happy meal in heels and her trashy disco hit "YOU THINK YOU'RE A MAN" made you take a seat if you couldn't handle her meat
#5 as one of the many androgynous wonders of the world in the 1980's
lead singer PETE BURNS from the british band DEAD OR ALIVE may have left this planet fer the time bein'...but not before record'n his walk of shame hit "BRAND NEW LOVER" say'n it was A-OK fer those dissatisfied dick wranglers to keep on look'n fer the perfect throat plunger
#4 with soo many smash diddies to chose from...i'm gonna have to go with
CHER's roller skate'n hit single from her 16th studio album in 1979 "HELL ON WHEELS" as thee perfect back hand sammich to yer face if you try and fuck with me on the dance floor
#3 we've all had those fag hags that think they're yer new true best friend
to help you pick out that perfect prick that's not gonna be a dick...but read the warn'n signs between their lines from AVA MAX...cuz maybe they're just a lil "SWEET BUT PSYCHO"
#2 comes from one of the latest new cummers to catch my eyes and ears
thee #1 reason...not matter what the season...comes from the QUEEN
of chameleon's...who has dominated the fuck'n dance floor fer the past 30+ years and is STILL goin strong
with her latest release become'n #1 in no less than 60 countries...include'n Uzbekistan!...(hey...i know what yer think'n kittens...Uzbekistan?...yes...it's true...the one gay that works at the only pop-up record shop that hasn't been blow up yet..and he bought all 20 copies as pass over prezzies...so it still counts) anywho'zll'ding...
MADAME X bein her latest incarnation...M has zero plans on ever give'n up her hard earned throne anytime soon...until they try and pry it from her absolutely smoke'n alabastered corpse...of course the #1 spot it could only be from the one and only MADONNA...
who taught millions of us just how to strike a pose with her #1 1990 planetary smash hit "VOGUE"
thanx fer tune'n in kittens...now slap on yer sauciest look...show yer pride
and get off my dress!
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