STEEL CLAW

just close yer eyes fer a minute and picture it kittens...let's go back 30 yrs

to the year 1991 when our lead'n lady...agent Clarice Starling...was lead'n lezbitronix into a feverish frenzy everywhere become'n a fierce object of desire fer some freak into slurp'n up fava beans while chugg'n down a nice bottle of chianti...subsequently become'n the QUEEN of the silver screen by snatch'n the golden boy fer her gripp'n performance

ROSEANNE was the QUEEN of the tv dinners...annihilate'n the competition on the boob tube with her witty charm and her obvious Paris runaway looks

and the honda accord was thee QUEEN of the pavement as the most popular pick-up have'n the most spacious leg room in the trunk to hide that space cadet you just picked up on the corner of crackville avenue and hooker junction 

BUTT...the biggest of them all...

was when the music world was rocked and riveted from behind the scenes of the most talked about rockumentary in cinematic history...brought to you

by the letters M-A-D-O-N-N-A..."TRUTH OR DARE" documented the global domination of Miss Ciccone’s "BLONDE AMBITION TOUR" which turns 30 in may this year...a must see fer any true music lover of performance art

though before there was the QUEEN OF THE DANCE FLOOR that gave

us a glimpse into a rock stars world...there was another QUEEN who was once married to jazzy legend MILES DAVIS rock'n the gritty funk outta the 70's with hits like "I'LL TAKE THAT RIDE (LONE RANGER)" and "IF I'M LUCKY I MIGHT GET PICKED UP" BETTY DAVIS dared her audience with her brassy sassy bad-assy in yer face boldness become'n the 1st black woman to write perform and manage herself until bein banned and boycotted by the music industry before fade'n away into rock herstory "THEY SAY I'M DIFFERENT" is a fascinate'n glimpse into the most influential QUEEN OF FUNK that's ever lived and will never be replaced

as the 80's rolled around...the quintessential QUEENS OF POST PUNK 

POP made herstory as the 1st ALL FEMALE band (still to this day) that concocted...conceived and created their own melodies that they wanted fer the masses to dance off their asses to without some pipe-fitt'n cockroach blow'n smoke up their torn fishnets and day-glo earrings...simply titled "THE GO-GO'S" this documents the rise and eventual fall from one of the biggest hit makers of their era in their own words that have remained friends despite their differences...prove'n THE GO-GO'S still got the beat!

as a lil girl that grew up on the cotton fields of Nutbush Tennessee in 1939

18 year old ANNA MAE BULLOCK would go out one nite with her sisters on a whim in 1956 only to be discovered at a club in St Louis by singer/song writer/producer IKE TURNER before change'n her name and become'n the power house vocals behind IKE & TINA TURNER...rock'n and roll'n with the IKETTES around the world thru-out the 60's and the early 70's

release’n her debut album as a solo artist in 1974...TINA would 

get her giddy-up on by dipp'n her heels in the dirt with the release of her 1st country covers album cover’n everyone from DOLLY PARTON to KRIS KRISTOFFERSON to name a few on "TINA TURNS THE COUNTRY ON"

share'n the spotlight with many of her famous friends thru-out her musical journey like that time on "THE CHER SHOW" perform'n "SHAME SHAME SHAME" with the other live'n legend w/one name

followed up by starr'n as the ACID QUEEN in the satirical british rock opera "TOMMY" before decide'n she'd suffered enough abuse at the hands of her hubby and left Ike in 1976 with only the clothes on her back and her new identity in tack!

work'n mainly as a nostalgic act at small venues from coast to coast

fer the next 8 years TINA TURNER would finally prove herself a worthy solo act by break'n into the top 10 in 1983 with a cover of  AL GREEN's "LET'S STAY TOGETHER" and the 1970 hit by THE TEMPTATIONS "BALL OF CONFUSION" solidify'n TINA as the impenetrable QUEEN OF ROCK N ROLL

by 1984...Capitol Records gave the green light to TINA with just 2 weeks 

to complete her "PRIVATE DANCER" album which ended up bein' certified 5X platinum in the US (that means she sold a shit load of cassette's kittens) winn'n record of the year propell'n TINA to super stardom spawn’n 3 top 10 hits with "BETTER BE GOOD TO ME" and "PRIVATE DANCER" and her anthem "WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT" become'n her 1st and only #1 single that turned me into a true TURNER burner fer life!

follow'n the success of her album...TINA would co-star in her next screen

epic picture opposite Mel Gibson in the post apocalyptic flick "MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME" as AUNTY ENTITY...turn'n out 2 killer hits "WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER HERO"

and my personal fav only cuz of it's pure unsalted unapologetic edginess "ONE OF THE LIVING" 

even lend'n her powerful pipes in 1985 fer African relief along with many other musical stars on USA FOR AFRICA's "WE ARE THE WORLD"

TINA's resurgence would spawn multiple hits...sell'n out stadiums across

the globe prove'n she was just as bankable as ANY high profiled male act from Chattanooga to Chile...Boise to Bangkok...Anaheim to Amsterdam and everywhere in between up until her final farewell tour in 2008 that i was sooo glad i got to finally see live on a whim...8th row center in the Minne-Apple...at 69 her nearly mile high pins never stopped prance'n and dance'n fer almost 2 hrs...a feat that would’ve broken the backs of bitches half her age

among the many accomplishments thru-out TINA's illustrious career...

she would become the 1st black artist and 1st female to ever grace the cover of Rolling Stone magazine in 1967...snatch'n up 12 Grammy's and a plethora of many other accolades and awards thru-out her solo career 

in 1991...TINA was inducted into the Rock-N-Roll Hall of Fame w/her body

of work she did when she was w/Ike but is deservedly up fer it once again this year as a stronger much more successful solo artist and rightfully deserves the long overdue honor...click here to cast yer vote fer TINA!

by 1993 TINA would make a cameo in the biopic about her life based on

her biography she helped write with MTV's Kurt Loder "I, TINA: MY LIFE STORY" starr'n the vivaciously beautiful ANGELA BASSET in a stunn'n execution as TINA who would go on to win a golden globe fer her high energy performance...though TINA herself would admit later she was not pleased with the final cut of the film cuz of hollyweird’s dramatization of it all...

and by 2019 the lights lit up on Broadway fer the musical "TINA:THE TINA TURNER MUSICAL" open'n to rave reviews that unfortunately hadda shut down early due to covid

TINA's musical legacy is like no one else's in the biz...cross'n over from

R&B to Country and Soul to good ol' Rock-n-Roll...pave'n the way fer countless black female singers ever since cuz without TINA there would be no Beyoncé...TINA has survived and fought her way to freedom in a much male dominated industry...

and at 81 with roughly 60 years in the biz underneath her heels...TINA TURNER's destiny was written in the stars and is bow'n out gracefully from the spotlight fer a much deserved siesta to enjoy her twilight years with her husband in Switzerland but not before reflect'n on her amaze'nly distinguished career in her final hoorah to her fans with the documentary "TINA" that airs march 27th on HBO MAX and i fer one definitely cannot wait to watch this legendary act say good-bye!

now GET OFF MY DRESS!