picture it kittens...it's now 2023 and we were totally emersed in the PINK!
and by that i don't mean 2 in the *BLANK* and 1 in the *BLANK* (insert vomit here) of course i'm speak'n of MARGOT ROBBIE's portrayal of the I-C-O-N-I-C-C-C-C doll (hold on a sec...can someone puhleez get my good friend Nicole read'n this a paper bag cuz she's hyperventilate'n from laugh'n hysterically and just carry on with the blog? i can hear you from my commode!) in the "BARBIE" flick which was the #1 movie fer 4 weeks in a row and took in over a very mind blow'n 1 billion dollars...make'n it Warner Brothers highest gross'n film ever in it's 100 year history
and ps...the O-R-I-G-I-N-A-L single "BARBIE GIRL" released in 1997 by danish/norwegians AQUA hands down is a gazillion times more catchy than that crapolla yeast infection of a remake they shoved down our throats in the movie (that's just a simple fact Z'ers...deal wit it!)
BRENDA MAE TARPLEY known to the world simply as BRENDA LEE
recorded the famous xmas jingle "ROCK'N AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE" in 1958 however it would take BRENDA at the age of 79 to not only become the oldest to have a hit on the billboard hot 100 charts but also the 1st musical artist to ever enter the charts with a number 1 song she had recorded 65 years earlier
and just as the critically acclaimed series about the malicious monarchy
" THE CROWN" comes to a dramatic end after 6 breath take'n and brilliantly acted sensationally scandalous seasons deal'n with the ins and outs over the decades of the most famous royal family of our times...
so to does this blog of thee most famously unintentionally internationally unknown perform'n illusionist of my own universe after 13 breath take'n and brilliantly penned sensationally scandalous years (what perfect time'n huh!) deal'n with my own ins and outs over the years (more on that after these important messages)
BUTT fer the last time...click here fer pt 1 and click here fer pt 2
in the middle of the nite from a narcoleptic nap on the lanai and turned on my cell to chat amongst the sea of throat plungers and anal annie's online only to find a message from a potential prodicktion company once again (can you imagine...at my advanced age?) offer'n me an offer i shouldn't refuse (the follow'n is the actual "offer" i received...the pictorial content has been edited...hey there are lil kittens read'n this durin' storytime pervie's)
along with his credentials...cuz why not!
WOW! you mean all i have to do is enter my platinum Pamida credit card
information into yer "link" fer a one time payment then yer banana will be splitt'n me in 2 and you'll actually PAY ME afterwards fer gape'n my chili pipeline?
well lemme tell you i considered his very "generous" offer H-O-W-E-V-E-R
i wasn't born yesterday...as hot as my midnite cowboy may have looked...i hadda pretty good sneak'n suspicion that my dreamy dalliance was most likely a slovakian hot dog vendor named Akeem contact'n me from a call center in Jakarta think'n he had roped in some cataract slut so i sent him a simple rebuttal and just to make sure that there was zero conclusion as to where i was cumm'n from...
unfortunately...5 minutes later...my account (as well as my dignity) was completely blocked from any further contact with my manwich meal ticket...that's all!
to say this has been a journey is a total understatement...i began down
this road 13 unlucky years ago with my random weekly muse'ns (thanks to my friend Karen's advice) as just a simple amuse'n dive'n board to promote my 1st ever attempt at write'n my very 1st ever EBT budgeted stage production under my very own dimly lit spotlight fer a change to get some spare change fer my piggy wiggly bank (thanks to my friend Mary's advice) which incidentally had mentally and financially put me in a hole deeper than any of my X's oddly enough
H-O-W-E-V-E-R with a new chapter of my life finally beginn'n shortly this
ain't goodbye fer good (just bye fer now and that's good!)
in short i've been work'n on chapters fer a physical hard cover version of
my words of tacky and tawdry whimsical wisdom fer the past 2 years and try'na wrap it up so you can wrap it up and put it under someone's tacky tinseled tree at this time next year...
plus here's hope'n my sometimes saucy though mostly twisted thoughts can turn into some sorta money make'n machine fer me (who knows) so cross yer heart bra's...
fer the simple reason that i gotta move outta my quaint lil shithole of 13 years and into my dream shithole trailer...cuz WHY NOT! (stay tuned)
and just like that geographical hit from that snappy and sensible songbird
from the 60's LYNN ANDERSON sing’n "I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE" i truly have been everywhere…bein’ read around the world since this blog's incredible inception offer'n free advice and frivolous anecdotes from the back alley abortion clinics in Boise to the desolate depravities live’n on the Siberian deserts
i've hoped i'd made you laugh just a lil...i've hoped i'd made you cry just a
lil...i've hoped i'd made you broaden yer horizons just a lil...i've even hoped i'd made you ferget about yer own miserable life fer a just a lil and focus just a lil more on mine but mostly...
i hope you just GET OFF MY DRESS!
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