Fruit Fly come bother me

hey kittens…you know that say'n..."BIG things come in small packages!" well…most of the time…it's sometimes true (depend'n how much you REALLY wanna pay fer it)…hey…i'm not here to

judge...i'm just say'n…ya might wanna keep a couple of benjamin's by yer bed stand fer those "rainy nites" after ya reach a certain age

but no worries about shell'n out any shill'ns from yer lil change purse today kittens…cuz have i got a lil snicky snack fer you (and i mean that literally) fer in my informational studio today…i have none other than the pint sized larger than life brilliance…who's been all over the stage…tv and film for the better part of 2 decades…

best known as everyone's fav-o-rit comical keebler elf of the hit series

"Will & Grace"

Leslie Jordan

(insert the clap here)

so Leslie…WOW…i was totally surprised to see you hitch hike'n along the informational highway this morn'n…but i'm so glad i pulled over and pick'd ya up...how the H-E-double hockey sticks are ya?

i don't know what that means

that's MN talk...mean'n "what have ya been up to lately?" 

oh...well in 2006 i won an emmy for a tv show i was on called  

Will and Grace and i thought i was set then it just all went into the shitter...i don't know what happened so i had to reinvent myself

(side note...how very Madonna of you Leslie)

i have a management firm in Palm Springs that books me and i do about 

45 venues a year...i do stand up comedy in gay bars...that's very lucrative and make alotta money doin that

i leave tomorrow and i'm host'n the largest gay dinner for 3000 gay men

in black tie and gay women in Dallas Texas...to raise money for something...i'm not sure what's it 's for

 

yer bank account maybe? (Leslie's laughs)

let's start there and get it outta the way…it's been like what…about 6 years since you starred in a lil hit comedy show that ran fer 8 glorious years called Will and Grace and as you stated you snagged yerself an Emmy in 2006 fer Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series fer yer portrayal of  not so str8 act'n and appear’n pretentious socialite Beverly Leslie first...that quite frankly…still owe me fer the hospital bills fer putt'n me in stitches every thursday nite…what was it like work’n with such an incredibly funny cast?

well working on Will and Grace was like a turning point for my "tribe" and America and i was really proud to be apart of that cast. 

bein' Karen Walker's non heterosexually closeted nemesis….did that involve a lot of research on yer part?

no...that part was originally written for Joan Collins if you can believe that

she was gonna become the best friend of Karen Walker...

they wanted them to have a spat and pull each others wigs off and Joan Collins balked and they fired her ass so i nailed it on the very first audition...i was told when i first came to Hollywood that i had to get rid of my accent cuz it would limit me cuz i was already such a character then i thought i'm just a marketable package...

i'm not gonna be Robert DeNiro and disappear into a roll...i'm like Dolly Parton...

there's alot of me...just in real life!

i have a serial obsession with Madonna and hope to be play’n one of her many reincarnations in some lifetime movie of the week…

in the very distant future that i'm sure will also star Markie Post...

as some obsessed...down-n-out drunk...divorcee...Madonna wannabe

 

and then i remembered you yerself had an obsession as the non heterosexual perform'n illusionist…locked in the loony bin fer reparative 

therapy try'n to keep the legacy of the late great TAMMY WYNETTE alive in the hilarious black comedy about southern white trailer trash…

"SORDID LIVES"

starr'n "DESIGNING WOMEN" alumni DELTA BURKE and BONNIE BEDELIA

funny lady BETH GRANT

songbird OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN among others

there's that one moment in the movie when you broke down and said...  

"well...someone's got to carry on her legacy now that she's gone!" seriously...it gave me the chills!

and i'm not afraid to say it hear and now…you was absolutely robbed!

how did that not get you nominated fer an oscar fer yer portrayal of Brother Boy? 

 

the movie just didn't do that well i guess
 

then it was turned into a prequel i guess...and made into a tv series

"SORDID LIVES TV SERIES"

what was it like work'n with that sexually charged Golden Girl herself…

 Blanche Deverea on the tv series with RUE McCLANAHAN?

 

i adored her...but i would even say this in front of her...she is a doll but she was having problems with her back and she got on this pain medicine and she was a bitch (laughs) we asked her if she wanted to go out on the road with the show...cuz we were all broke...

people don't know that Rue lost alot of money in that Bernie Madoff fiasco...so she had to go back to work at 73...it was terrible...she was broke...Caroline Rae was broke...i was broke...so we decided to do a "Sordid Evening of Comedy" and hit the road to make some money...we charged $75 a ticket for a meet and greet and that's what Rue hated...she hated the meet and greet cuz she wasn't feeling well cuz at this point she was in a wheel chair...

but she would tell stories about the Golden Girls...

and the audience would just eat it up! She was one of the greats!

you've said "yer the gayest man you know"…grow'n up in a conservative family in Chattanooga…in yer off broadway smash hit...

"MY TRIP DOWN THE PINK CARPET" that traveled the country sides 

which was taken from yer ball bust'n hysterically penned memoir you wrote a few years back…reveal'n celeb run-in's from...

BOY GEORGE

to GEORGE CLOONEY

yer take on Hollyweird…yer fame and yer addictions…gay culture and

just say'n it's OK to be a non heterosexual or non homosexual…just love yerself...that must've been...well a trip fer you? 

well "My Trip Down the Pink Carpet" LILY TOMLIN saw and helped me produce it and we did it in New York and then took it to London...what i talk about in my one man show is myself...it's my favorite subject! growing up gay in the baptist church (i've been baptized 14 times) my dad was a lieutenant colonel in the army and i was not exactly the son he envisioned...i was booked at the Pantages theater in downtown Minneapolis and CAMP heard about my stand up comedy and wanted me to do the show at their theater.

now yer back in the land of 10,000 bottoms…oops…i mean lakes…

with yer brand new show "Fruit Fly" @ CAMP in downtown St Paul...can ya tell my kittens what they can expect this time around? 

well...i was there last year at CAMP in St Paul and fell in love with that city

and the St Paul hotel and all the restaurants in that area...and it was a homo hoe-down...it was packed every single night...word spread and i was getting a nice cross over audience which is always good...what my one man show "FRUIT FLY" is all about is...

it answers the age old question "do gay men become their mothers?"

my mother was the baby of 9 children and my daddy was the baby in his family...so when the babies had a baby...i was photographed relentlessly...i mean how could i have not turned out gay with beanies and matching umbrella's...i was just decorated and trotted out...so i took those stories and did a show around them....it's a performance with flies...music...stories...light cues...it's stories about me with my mother...people were really moved by it...i told my devote baptist mother at 12 years old that i was gay and she always had problems with that and started taking me to christian therapy...and they would pray over me...and they told me when i have urges for sex with someone of the  same sex...it was the voice of the prince of darkness.

it's a full length play...i can promise them alot of laughs but it's much more...it's very moving...and i'm really really proud of it...we booked it in London...Paris...Amsterdam in january and february...so CAMP is actually getting in on the beginnings of something big. CAMP is a wonderful venue so i would love to get a good cross over crowd of both straight and gay people there again

now we've come to the part of the interview i like to call…

can we talk about ME fer a change?

this is where you get to put on yer best Barbara Walters blouse and ask me ANYTHING under the rainbow…and I mean ANYTHING (well except rainbows) that yer die’n to know about this unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist of her own universe…I swear…I’ll still come to yer show 

have you ever met Lorna Luft...Judy Garland's daughter?

i have not had the pleasure yet...but i have clicked my heels once or twice and said there's no place like a homo!

i wanna thank the ever hysterical…and don't ferget…Emmy award winner…Leslie Jordan fer stopp'n by fer a lil chitter chatter with me

now run out and get tickets today to the hottest show in town starr’n Leslie Jordan in his hit one-man show…

"Fruit Fly"  @ CAMP november 14^th-18^th 

and puhleez…GET OFF MY DRESS!

Confessions from a Prairie Bitch

covered wagons…holly hobby dresses…lugg'n pails of water and sunday 

school on a wednesday nite sounds to me like the make’n of a western porn entitled "LUST IN THE DUST" or somethin' but not on my blog kittens…you want that sorta smut i suggest you visit yer local adult entertainment theater if you want a cheap thrill (or call me after 8 pm central time)

famously known as tv’s rotten egg bad-ass bitch thru-out the 1970’s fer 7 of the 9 seasons on the saccrinated family series  

"LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE"

as Nellie Oleson

Alison Arngrim is much more than just a “Prairie Bitch”…she’s an actress of stage and screen…author…activist against AIDS and child abuse…a comedienne…and one smart and funny kitten...if i do say so myself

so Nellie…i mean Alison…i’m sure you’ve gotten that once or twice on the street over the years huh…but since i brought it up...what's life been like since leave'n Walnut Grove?

i did the usual thing after the show like... "THE LOVE BOAT"

and "FANTASY ISLAND" cuz it's the law...i have just been the busiest thing in the world for the last couple of years...i was doing stand-up for eons and then in 2002 i started doing this thing... 

"CONFESSIONS OF A PRAIRIE BITCH"

where i tell all true stories from my life on Little House...things have just taking off since then and when the book came out in 2010 i haven't had a minutes peace...i'm constantly doin my show or a book signing somewhere.

Once Nellie married Percival and left the series…you did movie of the week with Marie Osmond…what was that all about?

i was in a movie called "I MARRIED WYATT EARP" but i myself did not marry Wyatt Earp...Marie Osmond married Wyatt Earp...i played Marie Omond's best friend and Bruce Boxleitner was also in this film...who became Melissa Gilbert's ex husband

lemme ask ya Alison...did you ever feel like you were typecast as Nellie?

oh yea i totally think that did happen to some extent...people in hollywood are so totally out of it...people were convinced i must be like Nellie Oleson...there were casting directors who were convinced i could only be in shows that took place in the 1800's which is why they called me for the Wyatt Earp thing...i remember in the 80's my agent calling people about parts and they're saying "oh this takes place in current time...do you think she comes with the dress?" which is 1800's barbie! are you insane? so there is definitely a type casting...people in hollywood are very narrow minded but i think in the last few of years it's really turning around in my favor because everyone really likes the bitchy parts now...so now i'm getting more calls.

Yer tv husband Percival Dalton played by Steve Tracy passed away from complications to AIDS in '86 and since then you've been a tremendous champion volunteer'n yer time to many AIDS organizations and educational workshops thru-out LA...do you feel that you’ve made a positive impact with those you’ve come in contact with over the years?

they married of Nellie and i got very nice once i was married to the marvelous actor Steve Tracy who played Percival and then he died of AIDS in 1986 and was very public with his diagnosis and that's when nobody was talking about anything...i  volunteered at AIDS Project Los Angeles...the biggest one here...it got really intense...i did alot of AIDS education in CA and all over the country and i'm still doing stuff for different AIDS agencies all over the country because some of the smaller agencies are not getting the funding 

because they can't ring up Elton John and Madonna to come do a show for them but at least i can go do something (laughs) so if your ever in trouble...

you can always get Nellie Oleson to help out!

when i did an AIDS walk in Seattle...that was a very successful year...

i raised more money than Sir Ian McKellen

i was very impressed...i've spoken at 100's and 100's of places around LA about AIDS education and actually spoke at an enrollment group in MN in '92 and i was doing a benefit for a hospice in Minneapolis and we went and did the whole bringing Nellie home pick-nick and went to the Walnut

Grove site but it was after i spoke there that i got a letter from the 4-H club that they were now doing a project of making blankets and quilts for children with AIDS so i was very pleased.

So yer come’n back to CAMP in St Paul, MN again fer yer 2^nd round of yer brilliantly written “CONFESSIONS of a PRAIRIE BITCH”…what can my enormous litter of kittens who plan on attend’n…expect when they come to yer show that they may or may not have seen the first time around?

i always have a little something new...i'm keeping in the favorites cuz the video's like the baby Cary can't talk montage...you just can't go wrong with...so obviously there will be some familiar stuff but i'm always tweaking and adding new things...i have some new insane stories from France and then of course the huge chunk of my act is the marvelous question and answer the "ask Alison anything" segment where we will have little index cards where you can ask questions and that's always completely live so we never no what we're going to be asked.

i personally think that they (the audience) need somethin’ to feel the full effect of yer show…and therefore CAMP should be sell'n “PRAIRIE BITCH” martini’s during yer run...made from caramel apple vodka...ginger ale and a pinch of bitters…don’t that sound like some sorta little house cocktail Nellie would’ve drank if the writers turned her into some rage'n alcoholic prairie wife who dies of cirrhosis of the liver?

that would be awesome...yea it should be a little sweet a little bitter but it should be a little pink to...when they did the Little House musical which was actually quite fabulous wonderfully hokey and Oklahomie...Melissa Gilbert played ma which was a trip

when they opened in MN they did do a drink menu and they had "ma's nightly nip" the "laura" which was the nice non alcoholic one...but they had all these prairie martini's and they did have a Nellie Olsen cocktail with pink grapefruit juice vodka and soda. it was pink and fuzzy.

fer those who just wanna taste a lil Nellie how 'bout a “little house” shot? 

well now i think it would need Miss Beadle's lemon verbena and something grain alcohol based cuz pa was a wheat farmer and maybe make it a warm drink cuz you know we'd be freezing on the prairie like a hot toddy with a twist straw to keep the fires burning.

now we’ve come to the part of the show that i like to call 

“can we talk about ME fer a change?” 

basically what happens is…in yer best Barbara Walters blouse…you can ask me ANYTHING under the rainbow about me that yer die’n to know about me…and i mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G well accept about rainbows cuz that’s just fuck’n lazy journalism

ok...since we're coming to MN and you guys have the whole marriage equality initiative on the ballot...when did you 1st come out as a gay?

oh Alison...i came down that fallopian curly slide with a flute in my hand! 

so i never really hadda come outta any closet per se...besides...closets are fer corsets...culottes and kinky crap...i don't follow leaders...they follow me!

well...accept THIS leader!

well thank you's a million trillion times over Alison fer take'n time off yer 

"Prairie Tour" to talk with this unintentionally internationally unknown perform’n illusionist of her own universe

catch ALISON in her hilarious romp thru the back stories of the business 

"Confessions of a Prairie Bitch" @ CAMP runn'n  Nov 8^th – Nov 11^th   

tell her i sent ya if ya get a chance...yer not gonna get any sorta discount but i'm sure she'd be beyond thrilled to know you read about her here 1^st

if ya don't...then just GET OFF MY DRESS!